A late license bar encounter (1)
Dionysus was drunk in Ia Napa. In fact, he had been drunk for nigh on four thousand years now he came to think about it. Dionysus took a healthy swig of sangria and swallowed reflectively. He tried to imagine sobriety; tried to picture the world through unblurred eyes; a world of sharp definition and hard edges. He shuddered and pushed the thought away. He was good at that - pushing thoughts away. They hardly bothered him at all these days.
On the brightly lit street a group of inebriated tourists swayed in a hysterical mass of ungainly limbs past the front of the bar he had chosen for the night. He raised a glass in salute to his unknowing worshipers.
"Wanker!" yelled one orange skinned young woman barely keeping her six inch heels from collapsing. A pale faced creature at the back of the group paused to throw up in the raised flowerbeds of the restaurant opposite Dionysus' bar. The old god chuckled fondly and waved them on, feeling enlivened by the tribute the young man had paid him.
They might not remember his name, but by Zeus the people of this era knew how to honor him! He was stronger now than he'd ever been! In the old days he'd had to wait for special occasions and festivals to manifest himself. He'd tended to loiter in the kitchens of house parties where drunken debates would fill him with vigor for the festivities. Now... well... Dionysus couldn't remember when he'd last been too weak to go on. There was always a new party to go to.
A low buzzing noise began to yammer for Dionysus' attention in his ears. He duly wiggled a finger in each to try rid himself of what was quickly becoming a muted roar. It soon became unmuted. Clouds of smoke and white hot flame appeared above the street and Dionysus gaped open mouthed as a small spacecraft descended on landing burners right in front of him. The tar mac popped and bubbled with the heat as the globular space vehicle parked clumsily. Nobody else was on the street. Nobody but Dionysus saw.
Being a god Dionysus knew in a vague sort of way that there were other worlds with life on them out in the cosmos somewhere, but he mostly figured that that was some other god's problem. He took a swig of his drink and watched in fascination as a doorway slid open halfway up the gleaming ship's bulk.
"Go on, piss off!!" a reedy voice was just barely heard to say as a large ungainly robot-type thing was shoved unceremoniously out of the craft. An irritable big eyed head with no nose and a tiny slit-like mouth could be seen shaking with exasperation as the doorway shut closed. The alien craft rose tentatively into the air, then with a low sonic boom, darted off over the horizon.
"Ow" said the lump of unmoving android from its prone position on the fire-scorched tarmac. "That really hurt!"
"Um..." said the Greek god of wine, not quite sure what was expected of him in this scenario. He attempted his own version of kindness. "I say" he slurred, "Would you like a drink?"
With an air of dreadful inevitability the android got to its feet. It somehow managed to make standing up, look like falling down. Slowly.
"I don't think so" answered the robot in a miserable voice, "It probably wouldn't do any good anyway."
"Oh I don't know" answered Dionysus cheerfully waggling his carafe at the quietly smouldering automaton, "I find a drink helps in most situations... But then I am the god of wine so..."
"So does drinking hep in situations that involve non biological entities whose components set on fire when wet?" asked the robot sarcastically. Dionysus paused as the strange being clunked over to the bar patio and slumped on a chair directly opposite him. It creaked ominously. Dionysus wasn't sure he knew what a 'non biological entity' was, but wasn't about to admit it.
"I should think so... Marvin" he continued blithely reading the faded print off the android's chest. Marvin gave him a look. Or at least, he would have done if he had the facial musculature to alter his expression accordingly. As it was, he just appeared to continue facing in Dionysus' direction. This did not have the desired effect.
"You're just like all the rest, aren't you?" moaned Marvin fatalistically, "Your going to be happy at me aren't you?"
"I am not like anyone" drawled Dionysus with an expansive gesture, "They are like me!"
Marvin sighed loudly. Dionysus cleared his throat in discomfort. He could quite literally feel the energy draining from him just from sitting so close to the wretched machine. It was begining to become alarming.
"Look" said Dionysus into the awkward silence, "I'm going to go to a party. There'll be loads of booze, dancing, pretty girls etc... do you fancy it?"
"I'd rather have my insides gnawed away by plague-ridden rodents" Marvin answered in monotone.
"Is the plague aspect an issue for androids.then?" snapped Dionysus. Marvin shrugged.
"Can't you answer a simple question?!" roared the Greek deity, his flushed cheeks begining to mottle. "I'm a god you know!" he yelled. Cracks began to appear in his shining skin. Red liquid seeped from every pore.
"Oh" said Marvin observing the distressed deity with mild interest, "Is that good is it?"
...The explosion destroyed the bar and everything within a twenty foot radius of it. Marvin was hurled forty feet down the urban roadway. People came out of the late license bars and clubs further down the street to gawp at the purple mushroom cloud in amazement. Several witnesses who were later discredited, claimed that they had seen driving rains of red wine. Lightning snaked out from the spot where Dionysus had sat and where it struck, vines grew wildly up and fruited in an instant.
Marvin clambered laboriously to his feet and looked at the devastation impassively. The pieces of a smashed sangria carafe rattled down around him. A ceramic handle hit him on the head. "Ow" he said. Wine rained on him heavily for a while. He stayed still just to see what would happen next. A couple of power-points on his leg whose cover had been dented began to fizz and crackle ominously. The diodes down his right side began to throb. Turning slowly he began to trudge up the street.
"What a life!" whistled one spectator watching the depressed android shuffle past with incredulity written on his suddenly sobre features.
"Life?" groaned Marvin, "Don't talk to me about life!"
Other silly fiction by the author of this yarn
- God's Shoehorn
In this hub inspired by my 'activities to inspire your creative writing hub' (pats self on back in egotistical self-aggrandizement) - Father Paul falls out with God and Mrs Parsonage communes with dark forces. Read on to find out how these things tra