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Bath Time for the Brain #1
They say to write what you know. Unfortunately, as a high school student, I’d prefer not to waste my breath on calculus or physics, especially when I’ve chosen to write these hubs as a personal catharsis and not as an encyclopedia. Bathtime for my brain, if you will.
I’ve had a lot on my mind recently. A discussion on the family I participated in several days ago did a serious number on the positive persona that I’ve assumed lately, and brought with it a bit of a dip in the rollercoaster of life. I was asked multiple questions over the course of the discussion, the most memorable of which being, “If you could change anything about your family, what would it be?” Now just to be clear, I am very well off in terms of the materialistic, and I believe that ultimately my family members really do love one another. I am incredibly grateful that my parents have such a loving relationship, and that I do not come from a broken or abusive home as many of my closest friends do. However, it is invariably clear to me that our home is a quiet one as long as our opinions and ideas are exactly the same as our parents. If we are to have any semblance of peace in our house we cannot disagree, because our voices are silenced and we are punished for being a thinker at all divergent from the boss of the place.
There’s no disputing that we are well taken care of, and have never gone without our most basic needs addressed. It’s just really difficult for me especially as the oldest daughter to be called, “disappointment,” “inconvenience,” or “embarrassment,” or to have my mother assert that I am not worth having a relationship with. She’s a wonderful person, she is friendly, selfless and strong, but her words are often more bitter and striking than a slap to the face.
I suppose that by answering the question, “what would I change?” in black and white type, open for anyone to read, a part of me hopes that it will elicit change for someone out there, if not for my own family. Someday I hope I can look back at this and remember that my children are not me, that they deserve an opinion, that I owe them an open mind and apologies where necessary because being the parent doesn’t mean that I can do no wrong. I hope most of all that they will feel heard, and not trapped in their own home. I hope that someday, something good finds us all.
Until next time,