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Believing the lies you tell to the world-Living a life of abuse

Updated on April 18, 2012

Not all moments are bad...

one day-the reflection in the mirror will no longer be, who you believe yourself to be...
one day-the reflection in the mirror will no longer be, who you believe yourself to be...

A Day in Paradise?

When will your colors fade?
When will your colors fade?
The secrets behind old fences and closed doors
The secrets behind old fences and closed doors
The escape that you are alone in
The escape that you are alone in
Forever and always? Does it have an amen?
Forever and always? Does it have an amen?

Self Medicating-Self Loathing-Self Creating into whatever the situation is called for

Beautifully Written... Painfully Touching... Unfortunately Relatable...Is what is thought when a shattered mother stands up to tell her story.

Real fear is so very personal

Some days it is easier to believe the lies that you tell the world in which you live

The world you escape to, to release the truth so you can begin to breathe-is hidden from the one whom you fear.

Self Medicating-Self Loathing-Self Creating into whatever the situation is called for-

Not all moments are bad-but you never feel as if they are truly good.

Do what you must to survive--survive for the only good you have done in your life.

It is your priority to protect the innocence,

The innocence is your reasons to live your lie, and escape to dream a better reality.

Each and every moment-although never said is planned to the exact minuet detail.

Even the exact curve to your non threatening stance, is thought about before being carefully displayed.

You think to yourself, what have I become?

You do not know-this is something that you realize,

You also realize that this is not who you should be.

The bitterness is sometimes sweet-all too often it is also sour.

Bite your tongue, watch your weight, don’t say a word, and don’t talk to a single soul.

At one time you thought you were a princess and a prince was there to rescue you from the dungeon and shield you from an evil world.

You were wrong and your prince has locked you in a tower-

to display you-to control you-to blind you with the gifts that come after his cruel words and tantrums.

You have become an accessory.

When your colors fade-and you are worn thin, you fear he will toss you out?

Why do you fear what you pray for?

How does someone stay in a place where they are treated as if they are less than worthy of existing.

What can I say to make you see, you are worth more than what you have been taking?

Feed the pain with the pills-with the lines-with the lies.

You say you stay for them-which is why you are losing you.

I feel it, you are slowly dieing.

If you fear the life you live, escape to another life worth living.

Are you to blame for staying?

Are you to blame for the lies that you tell the world?

No one truly knows who you are.

Your face to the world is a mask to hide the bruises, tears and shattered dreams.

The fear of disappointing the world with the news that you are not as collected-beautiful-strong-fearless as you portray yourself to be, creates a new level to the fear you already endure.

It isn’t always bad-someday you hope to feel good.

You pray he will change, he will see you for all the strengths, desires, hopes and abilities you once had.

He has to change; you don’t know how long you can keep this lie that is your life’s existence.

Tell the world that he loves you…

Tell yourself he will change,

Tell yourself what you are doing to survive each day living in a blinding shadow is okay.

Believe that the good you harbor within you will persevere and guide you towards a better existence.

Believe that you are the problem and the words that he speaks are the truth and you are crazy for thinking or feeling a single thoughts of doubt.

He tells you that you don’t deserve more than what he gives to you.

He tells you that this is the only place you can be.

He tells you that no one else wants you.

You believe him.

What you know is; he will never work with you-will never compromise-will never hold you up so you can flourish in the light.

He cares not what you could be-what you want to be-what you are capable of being.

Why do you keep trying to make him see?

Tell the world that the life in which you are living is blessed and great and a new level of heaven-

Don’t tell me- I know that heaven should not feel like hell.

I know that the one who loves, loves with no regret and loves selflessly.

I believe the lies that are told to the world are lies that are made up of fear-and that the life worth living that is now an escape-should not be hidden but shared between lovers.

I see so much more of the world beauty-than words of disrespect-hurt-and disgrace

The plan to escape will be the most intensely planned production imaginable-

Because this is the most real sense of fear you know.

With no intermission----This is life...


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    • H.C Porter profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from Lone Star State

      Glenn Stok, Thanks for the feedback and for the email- I will look into the book, and when I have a second (probably Monday) I will post the book in my amazon, which you suggested :) Thanks

    • Glenn Stok profile image

      Glenn Stok 

      8 years ago from Long Island, NY

      This seems to be a very common problem. I know two women who stayed too long in abusive marriages. Your hub can be very helpful to these women.

    • H.C Porter profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from Lone Star State


      I am glad that you came and left a comment. If you are living this life- I can only tell you how sorry I am for your silence. I know that when you stop speaking about it is when you truly start living it every moment of every day. You tell people nothing in order to protect yourself and your family from the potential harm that letting someone in may cause. I can say walk away- but it is sometimes not the easiest thing to do. I will tell you to stay strong and breath-until you can find away to be happy and live a life that doesnt cause the pain that you feel where you are now. hopes and prayers sent to you!

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      When people say you have decided to stay...I am glad things are working out...they do not know nothing has are just not talking about it anymore.

    • H.C Porter profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from Lone Star State

      Thanks for the comment- I just saw you in the forums, and was going to go look at some of your poetry. Thanks for recommending this one :)

    • SummerSteward profile image


      8 years ago from Duluth MN

      I am glad that you were able to walk away and open the doors to true love.

    • H.C Porter profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from Lone Star State

      Thank everyone for their comments and encouragement. It took me a long time to believe in myself enough to get the strength to walk away from something that was all I had ever known. No person deserves to be treated like that-I was told, this is love, if anyone else out there has been told love equals what I went through, I hope someone tells them, if that is true-you don't have to be loved like that.

      Thanks again

      hc porter

    • Run Down Battery profile image

      Run Down Battery 

      8 years ago from UK

      Powerful and demands empathy. Sensational and courageous. Thank you

    • christalluna1124 profile image


      9 years ago from Dallas Texas

      They will never change. It only gets worse, until you become invisible and non-existent. The only person who hears the words you say is you. I know the feeling, you go out in the world and wear the mask you put on to hide the tears. You tell everyone how perfect it is because they tell you how lucky you are. If they only knew.

      Warmest regards, Chris

    • Dao Hoa profile image

      Dao Hoa 

      9 years ago

      Nicely written. Yes, sadly many women keep hoping that their men will change for the better!


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