Depression stands still for me
Allows me into every crack and crevice
Begging me to dig in and explore
luring me into a luxurious spiderweb
Advocating my endeavors to describe
the roller coaster ride, the ripping tide
Believing it enhances it's power to ensnare
The voices implore me to feel the darkness with my hands
Use my words to bring you closer to understanding its texture,
Weight, and depth; how it sounds when you squeeze it
Unrelenting hands drag me under the tumultuous seas, gasping for air
So that I may chronicle the tale in color; sketching the bottom of the
Oceans deep and reliving the horrors in ghastly words that describe the
Hell that is depression.
But you, my mania, hide in the shadows.
You are upon me without warning;
I have no defense against your ravenous appetite
I am running far ahead of my own thoughts, racing against time itself
Stumbling on my words, railing against my own thoughts
My heart is beating so fast and I am afraid of my own shadow
I fear someone is watching me and counting the mistakes I am making;
All of the sudden, I need to run far away
But to where, I wonder, and why did I discover this just now?
Yes, you’ve paid me a visit again, my unwelcome guest
They’re onto my scent; I’ll not find any rest
I suddenly can’t remember what I have yet to do
I’d write it in code, if I had any clue
Thoughts are coming so fast, I can’t even breathe
What kind of spell did you suddenly conceive?
My world started spinning faster and faster
Before I noticed the cracks in the plaster
The walls started to shake, the house; to rumble
I started thinking I could stop it from tumbling
The lines on the page, the lines on my face
Melted together, it gets worse with age
Thoughts they keep coming and smashing together
No matter the time, place, or the weather
Sun shines so bright, then rain by the bucket
My mood started to dim, then by magic or luck, it
Started to rise and I started to panic
I’m getting too old for these kinds of antics.
I’ve got homework to do, laundry to clean
Messages to return, all quite routine
My calendar’s full, you could have sent warning
This would be normal, if not two in the morning
My thoughts are racing, my head is pounding
The fact that I’m standing, still quite astounds me
My hands are shaking, my knees are weak
Where are my pills, before I just freak
I’m onto you now, you haven’t won yet
Before I do something I’d surely regret,
I will go for my Xanax – my only weapon for now
Until I see my psychiatrist, who'll fix me somehow
I’ll do my deep breathing and visualization
But nothing works, no rationalization
The manic mind keeps moving and stuttering
Fighting against all, anything and nothing
It can last for hours, days or weeks
It asks for everything, always it seeks
A bottomless pit, energy wasted
Keeping it down, once freedom it’s tasted
Waiting is the game, for all of it to pass
Mania is unruly, a pain in the ass.
What is bipolar disorder?
Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks. Symptoms of bipolar disorder are severe. They are different from the normal ups and downs that everyone goes through from time to time. Bipolar disorder symptoms can result in damaged relationships, poor job or school performance, and even suicide. But bipolar disorder can be treated, and people with this illness can lead full and productive lives.
Bipolar disorder often develops in a person's late teens or early adult years. At least half of all cases start before age 25.1 Some people have their first symptoms during childhood, while others may develop symptoms late in life.
Bipolar disorder is not easy to spot when it starts. The symptoms may seem like separate problems, not recognized as parts of a larger problem. Some people suffer for years before they are properly diagnosed and treated. Like diabetes or heart disease, bipolar disorder is a long-term illness that must be carefully managed throughout a person's life.