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Blackness of the Soul

Updated on September 5, 2014
This is my last love. I moved away as I couldn't handle his love of alcohol over me as well as any pain I would have caused him b/c of such.
This is my last love. I moved away as I couldn't handle his love of alcohol over me as well as any pain I would have caused him b/c of such.
The last one to leave--by suicide--doing so b/c I refused to be in a relationship with a pill head. So, he chose the pills over me which in turn caused me to hurt him by not staying with him; hence the reason he committed suicide.
The last one to leave--by suicide--doing so b/c I refused to be in a relationship with a pill head. So, he chose the pills over me which in turn caused me to hurt him by not staying with him; hence the reason he committed suicide.
The first man I hurt so badly. Even though I was young and foolish, I still should have seen the truth. If only he knew how sorry I am for that and all the hurts since then.
The first man I hurt so badly. Even though I was young and foolish, I still should have seen the truth. If only he knew how sorry I am for that and all the hurts since then.

I AM A DISEASE

I've come to know I am a disease

With one touch, it spreads with ease

There is no cure

Of that I am sure

So let me go if you please.

I fill people's heart with hate

Though years pass, it doesn't abate

Always around

Not making a sound

Until it is much too late.

I don't mean to harm anyone

But just knowing me damage is done

Your heart fills with pain

Over and over again

A blackness covers the sun.

I didn't want a life like this

If it were gone, I wouldn't miss

I'd wish it away

Even for just one day

To have a day full of bliss.

I've tried to make the most of life

At every turn though, nothing but strife

With no one to care

And nothing to share

The pain in my heart is like a knife.

I hope I'll find some saving grace

When I finally get to leave this place

The pain will be gone

Yet I won't be alone

Never again to cause a hurt face.

But until then, I'm still a disease

Pain of the heart comes with ease

And if I could

Send it away I would

So everyone hereafter would have peace.

©Ashel Ladyhawke 10212013

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      moon wolf 4 years ago

      i know i have caused it to you in the near past and for this i feel very sorry and agner at myself for this and not only was it to you but to our family. the only true mother i have ever known and true friend i have hut and made you feel this way i never meant to ever hurt you. You are a wonderful persons and you've had a very life and i have not made it any easier for you i cant put into words how our relationship but theirs one thing i know is you have a beautiful soul,heat and all out person and i love you

      Pss. one thing i can say about you is that no matter what you would give it all you got to help and then some and your a great friend and Mother/Grandma