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Broken beyond Repair

Updated on July 5, 2011

Let us say that shit hit the fan :S

Broken beyond Repair

Sinking into layers of treacherous heart aching melancholy

Yet after nineteen years of torment you still hit me

Now in my self-sustained life of death I wonder

Why did it take so long for me to give up, to surrender?

Words razor sharp fall down tearing my skin

In a world molded out of regrets and sin

Drafted to a life with parental affection so empty and hollow

Burning from the inside, still grappling with memories I can’t swallow

Self-indulged affection that knows noting but misery

Sinking into my dying self I have wondered how could it be?

Self disgust, pain inflicted on oneself yet, I have always wanted to be loved

But we don’t get all what we seek in life as it turned out cold as blood

Living everyday to regret, now broken on the floor hated and despised

Tainted with dark shadows of pain all over my body, unable to hide

The process of breathing is aching

Living indeed has turned painstaking

And I still wonder if death is a good ending

My life that of pain is always hanging

As if I am living yet with every breath dying

For nineteen years all I wanted was to breathe

Now rethinking it all over, I pray to God for life to seize

Take my soul and drag me down to deceitful hell

For this life is one treacherous heart-tormenting spell

Peal my skin off, search for the scars that run deep under

Yet wounds don’t forgive nor forget, especially those created by thunder

You can hurt me, hit me, yet it doesn’t hurt anymore

Peal off every part of my soul, my heart will not swore

For I have fallen way into the endless pit beyond your reach

And your treacherous promises of forgiveness won’t breach

For my soul is broken beyond repair

Fed continuously by hatred darkness and despair

All I want to do is shut the world and silence the pain, pry my soul open

In my world of pain death is a cheap price to pay for a ticket up to heaven

And in case you see through my pain

Just remember the broken syllables of my name

These are the last words of a person broken beyond repair

Cast to live in horror, physical and emotional despair

And yet what is more ironic is how they justify and demand forgiveness

Indeed this is a world of flames mixed with hollowness and madness

All i do is wait for the time being, for the next time his hands descend

But know that the heart and soul have their limits and none will mend

I am not asking you to change the world, for I just want to keep it colder

For this is my twisted fate by the Gods to eternally carry this bolder

And my dear reader I don’t ask for your sympathy or even your shoulder

I just want your ears and full attention

For your to bare witness when life hangs in suspension

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    • Uriel profile imageAUTHOR

      Uriel 

      7 years ago from Lebanon

      ExoticHippieQueen , thank you so much for your comment. Honestly speaking, i did write that poem based on what i was feeling back then :D:D But don't worry after writing it all down, i can say i made peace with my present inner conflict :D

    • profile image

      ExoticHippieQueen 

      7 years ago

      Very very powerful, Uriel. I'm glad that you really are not feeling those things. How amazing that you can convey those feelings so well! Voted up and awesome!

    • Uriel profile imageAUTHOR

      Uriel 

      7 years ago from Lebanon

      LVidoni5 thanks for the comment and reading into those words of mine :D glad you liked it [those there is nothing to like in those words as they all emerge from my twisted reality /fate]

    • LVidoni5 profile image

      Brian Loewer 

      7 years ago from Portland, Oregon

      Wow, powerful words of torment. Got to love the raw deep emotion in this one.

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