ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Books, Literature, and Writing»
  • Commercial & Creative Writing»
  • Creative Writing

Br//oken: A Thrilling Mystery Novel

Updated on June 25, 2017

I tune out the rest of world as my fate is decided. The jury's decision is muffled. All I hear is the sound of my breath. Banishment... one year...gates close...death...great leader...The crack of a gavel snaps me out of my peaceful nothingness. "Oakforn," The judge snaps, "henceforth, you shall be sentenced to one year of banishment. Come dawn, the gates will be closed, and you will be left to defend yourself from the horrors of the Edge. Case closed." The guards march forward, the rhythm to my death song. I can't help myself. I let out a little laugh. A ripple of silence extends outward from my guards to the peasants in the stones. I stare at the privileged and wealthy before me, smirking at each one. Brainwashed and stupid is more like it. The piles of dead bodies, building their mansions and manors, are unknown to them. They know nothing and they will never know anything. Great leader they say. Con artist, I say...


I smile with the rest of the crowd, cheer with the rest of the crowd, and boo with the rest of the crowd, as the most abominable of criminals is banished for his crimes. The judge only sentenced the criminal for one year, but everyone knows the no one survives banishment. All that they find is a bloody carcass. The Edge is a path straight to hell, that is what all are taught from the moment they can understand it. Don't be mean to our friends or our family, don't hurt or make of fun someone else, especially our Great Leader! Day after day we memorized that song, until one day, we proudly stood before our parents and sang our song, and saw them clap with joy as we became true citizens of Tirgon. True servants to our savior, our defender, our provider, our great leader, who delivered us from our evils and hates. And now, a greedy hateful man who never appreciated the true values of Tirgon, will be banished for his evil accusations, and sins against the savior. "Traitor!" the crowd screams. The gates, the doorway to fear and evil, creak open Great Leader marches the traitor forward. Silence flows through the crowd, as moment we have all been waiting for comes to it's peak. I watch with bated breath, adrenaline surging through my body as Great Leader nears the gate. He talks to the traitor with a look of concern offering him forgiveness that he doesn't deserve. The traitor only laughs. A collective gasp runs through the crowd, but Great Leader holds up a hand to stall the inevitable screams of derision. A hush falls. "The man deserves a choice, for this is a free and great country," Greater Leader says in his booming voice,"traitor though he may be, he may choose forgiveness. But he has realized his crimes, and knows that they are unforgivable. Let him go in peace. And may he have the best of luck in surviving the Edge." With those final, decisive words, Great leader gently pushes the traitor forward. He doesn't resist, but continues to walk after the first push step after step, into the Edge. He doesn't scream or plead, not even when the gates shut with a boom, and his fate is sealed forever.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • vkwok profile image

      Victor W. Kwok 10 months ago from Hawaii

      A really engaging and interesting story. But I felt that some parts of the text could be separated by paragraphs. With everything bunched up in a single paragraph, except the switch in perspectives, it was a bit hard for me to read.

      I also really liked how you showed us two, differing sides of the story. It'll be interesting to see how Kal, a devoted follower, grows from here on out.

    • profile image

      Harrison Wells 10 months ago

      Thanks GalaxyRat

    • profile image

      GalaxyRat 10 months ago


      I loved it so much. Very imaginative and descriptive and magical. Keep it up. I'm awaiting more.