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CAPTAIN BUCK NAKED'S ODE

Updated on March 7, 2012
(theage.com)
(theage.com)

By: Wayne Brown


Can you run through the jungle in your birthday suit?

Without catching your privates on a thorn or a root

Can you swim in the ocean stark naked in the dark,

Without getting a sex change from a lurking white shark?



Can you do cartwheels naked and walk upon your hands,

While you play bass guitar in a three-piece band?

Can you walk totally naked upon the high,high wire?

While juggling sharp swords and swallowing fire?



Do you dream about running around without a stitch?

Do clothes just weigh down your body; constantly itch?

Do have the desire to just throw off all the cotton chains

And go running down the road naked in the rain?



Do all these things keep running around in your mind?

Beggin’ you to jump the fold and get naked anytime?

Though God never made you in the image of a Buddhist

Dr.Freud might say that you are a borderline nudist!



Have you ever wanted to go naked for weeks and weeks?

Or go down the street just a showin’ your lily white cheeks?

Have you ever thought of giving up and becoming a freak?

Running naked in the post office; just a blazing whte streak



Does the desire overwhelm you to run naked at a trot?

Showing all the public most everything you’ve got?

Do you have that burning urge to just go au natural?

And sprint across the food court naked in the mall?



Roger Miller said that you can’t skate in a buffalo herd

But runnin’ round naked? Why he never wrote a word

So maybe there’s a message there for all of us who listen

To oil up that ol’ body and let the naked skin glisten!



Elvis would have loved if he could have rock n rolled nude

Probably would have liked it better than his mama’s food

But he didn’t have the contract to let it hang out on the stage

And Colonel Parker knew it would put all the girls into a rage



Albert Einstein might have tried it in the scientific sense

Naked as a bird while he performed his lab experiments

Exposed there in his naked history for the entire world to see

It just might have helped to shape his theory of relativity



The Beatles could have tried it while they sang all their songs

Sitting around with Ravi Shankar and sucking on a bong

How do we know they didn’t do it while riding on their bus?

Or writing one of those funky songs like ‘I Am the Walrus”?



Could you just imagine how history might have been changed?

If folks had shaped it naked not thinking that it was strange

Washington would have crossed the Potomac just a bit withdrawn

Totally naked in the front of the boat urging his men along



If the world has gone in that direction there’d be no nudist retreats

We’d all be walking buck naked up and down the city streets

Never thinking a thing about it, some natural or with a creative shave

Totally devoid of our clothes but look at the money we would save!



© Copyright WBrown2011. All Rights Reserved.


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    • profile image

      Becky 6 years ago

      I clicked on this with my son and daughter in the room

      and was laughing so hard they came to take a peek.

      They read and started laughing with terrible mirth.

      Soon they left to go tell their dad,

      that mom was reading some wild guy in a streak.

      Now see what you have done, you terrible person,

      you have their mom writing some awful bad prose.

    • Wayne Brown profile image
      Author

      Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas

      @Becky...I am a bad, bad boy...I'll write that 100 times for ya! LOL! WB

    • profile image

      marellen 6 years ago

      Wayne...you crack me up....no pun intended. Fun way to start my Friday.

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      WB - would ya believe - yes I actually have wondered what would happen if I ran down the street naked. I decided somebody would end up giving me another coat with the buckles in the back?

      LMAO! I love Joe Cocker btw and that song! Up and every single button I can click!

    • writer20 profile image

      Joyce Haragsim 6 years ago from Southern Nevada

      Great laugh for me on my own. I think if a ran naked outside a police car would arrive in no time.

    • Wayne Brown profile image
      Author

      Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas

      @marellen...I was feelin' a bit crazy when I came into the office today...kind of like that picture of Einstein at the top. WB

      @RealHousewife...Yeah, I remember when I saw that movie the first time...wohooo! The old straight jacket huh...One of my all time favorite video clips is Ray Stevens..."It's Me Again Margaret...Are Ya Naked!" Love that one. WB

      @writer20...Give those boys something entertaining to do on a Friday! WB

    • profile image

      Becky 6 years ago

      My husband looked at me just yesterday and asked if I wanted to go get something to eat. I said sure, just take me a minute, go get dressed. He was birthday suiting it. He said I am ready, lets go. I laughed and said he didn't walk fast enough, the police would be here before he made it to the van. They are notoriously slow to respond here. He got dressed.

    • profile image

      Lesleysherwood 6 years ago

      I love this. How naughty!

    • Hyphenbird profile image

      Brenda Barnes 6 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful

      After **Without getting a sex change from a lurking white shark**, I was just a laughing fool. Thanks Wayne for such a great read. Gotta go wipe my eyes now. ps-my kid thinks I am nuts, but says he is used to it. Kinda sad, huh?

    • Dardia profile image

      Darlene Yager 6 years ago from Michigan

      This is great and I like the video as well, reminds me of old Red Skeleton, ~sigh~ RIP Red miss his humor. I have to share this with my facebook friends. Voting up as well.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 6 years ago from South Africa

      Ya, think about the money we would have saved... and not to be in fashion at any price... On the other hand, there is a word for people who have the desire to be nudists. Even in ‘ancient’ Africa, where weather conditions actually promoted nudism, people (adults) had the instinctive desire/urge to cover (at least) their reproductive organ. Maybe this was to ensure the survival of the human race? (lol!). Philosophizing in rhyme can only be done successful by Wayne Brown. Voted UP and awesome.

    • Cardisa profile image

      Carolee Samuda 6 years ago from Jamaica

      I've never seen you so naked before Wayne, what brought this on.......lol. Very good nonsense!

    • Truckstop Sally profile image

      Truckstop Sally 6 years ago

      This is very funny!! It makes me think of the Shrinkage/Hamptons Seinfeld episode:

      Jerry: Do women know about shrinkage?

      Elaine: What do you mean like laundry?

      Jerry: No, like when a man goes swimming afterwards.

      Elaine: It shrinks?

      Jerry: Like a frightened turtle!

      Elaine: Why does it shrink?

      George Costanza: It just does.

      Elaine: I don't know how you guys walk around with those things.

    • saddlerider1 profile image

      saddlerider1 6 years ago

      You just keep knocking yourself up a notch my friend with your fabulous contemporary poetry, I love it. I am sharing this with all my friends on FB, Stumble, Redditt, Twitter, Digg and my own personal email contacts.

      This is too good not to share with the world. I am laughing my ass off here and keeping my Hat on, but of course hiding my privates with it. he he he..running around naked as a Jay bird, they will have to call me the "Bare Naked Poet" lol

      rated all the way UP and not where the sunshine don shine in....he he he...pressed all your buttons...

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 6 years ago

      I just choked on a sparerib. Gotta go, but not before I vote this up funny and awesome.

    • profile image

      ExoticHippieQueen 6 years ago

      You are hysterical, Wayne! Voted up and very very funny!

    • neeleshkulkarni profile image

      neeleshkulkarni 6 years ago from new delhi

      if i thought of running

      naked down the street

      the first thing to happen

      my wife would me surely beat

      the very next second then

      would be another loss

      the macho image i've made

      would go for a big toss

      rating in the neigbouring wives

      would surely rapidly fall

      "aha we thought he was bigger

      but then is THIS it all"

    • Naomi's Banner profile image

      Naomi's Banner 6 years ago from United States

      Quite hilarious!

    • profile image

      Francine19 6 years ago

      It would be so great not to search for the right thing to wear! Loved your poem.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      You nailed it with Einstein's photo, Wayne. He was a genius who understood the power of humor in our lives. And so do you. Rated up.

      Loved Joe Cocker, too.

    • samiaali profile image

      samiaali 6 years ago

      Hi WB, This was very funny! It certainly brought many visions to mind! LOL

    • Wayne Brown profile image
      Author

      Wayne Brown 6 years ago from Texas

      @Hypenbird...Thank you...glad it was a good time for the weekend! WB

      @Dardia...Loved Red Skelton..RIP....Thanks for some great comments! WB

      @MartieCoetser...You take me too another level that I don't deserve Martie...bless you! WB

      @Cardisa...We all nee to run through the jungle at times...join us, Cardisa! LOL! WB

      @Truckstop Sally...Oh yes...you picked u on that line about Washington being a tad withdrawn...I knew someeone would find it! LOL! WB

    • Phyllis Doyle profile image

      Phyllis Doyle Burns 6 years ago from High desert of Nevada.

      Well, pardna - you just made me push some buttons again. Up and Funny! I love it, Wayne.

    • Ginn Navarre profile image

      Ginn Navarre 6 years ago

      Now you've done it! You made me spill my first cup of coffee laughing as I sit here stark-ass naked and that ain't a pretty sight at my age. Love it.

    • Wayne Brown profile image
      Author

      Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas

      @saddlerider1...Careful there, Ken...you'll make a super hero out of me! LOL!...thanks for spreading my exposure. If it makes me wealthy, I'll fly you down to Texas in my Obama-model corporate jet for a cold beer! WB

      @breakfastpop...I guess I am going to have to put labels on all my writings cautioning against the consumption of food or beverage during the reading process...hope you are okay, Poppy! WB

      @ExoticHippieQueen...Thank you for those kind words. WB

    • Wayne Brown profile image
      Author

      Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas

      @neeleshkulkarni...Great verse, maybe you have started something on this subject! Next up...nude personal pics! LOL! WB

      @Naomi's Banner...Thank you, I appreciate the read and the comments. WB

      @Francine...I think that was what the good Lord was thinking until Eve ate that apple! WB

    • Wayne Brown profile image
      Author

      Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas

      @drbj...I thought ol' Al was a good choice...he seemed to have that look on his face that said "Let's run naked!" Thanks Doc. WB

      @samiaali....Thank you for those good words! WB

    • Alma Cabase profile image

      Alma Cabase 5 years ago from Philippines

      @hahaha...

      From the Einstein tongue until the end, this hub is fun! Too much humor to handle..XD..

      You did a really good job. Keep up the good work.

      Regards,

      Alma

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California

      Too terrifying a visual to contemplate for myself, but, lol in general! Speaking of which, did you know that there is a General Butt Naked? lol. When I saw the title of this, I actually thought maybe he'd died or something (and it has been a while since I read about him, so I'd forgotten if it was General, colonel, or captain butt naked lol).

    • akirchner profile image

      Audrey Kirchner 5 years ago from Central Oregon

      Very comical, Wayne~ And gotta love the name - Buck Naked...I always tell Bob to cop George Costanza's porn name Buck Naked and go for it~ Too hilarious!

    • WillStarr profile image

      WillStarr 5 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      (Snicker!)

    • Wayne Brown profile image
      Author

      Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas

      @Alma Cabase...Glad you enjoyed it...had fun writng it! WB

      @Shadesbreath...Have not heard of a Butt Naked with such high rank...I am in awe! LOL! WB

      @akirchner...Bob has a lot of fun...I can tell! LOL! WB

      @WillStarr....(Thanks!) WB

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California

      There really is, lol. I found him when I was researching my Butt Naked or Buck Naked grammar hub. He's even in wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/General_Butt_Naked

    • Wayne Brown profile image
      Author

      Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas

      @Shadesbreath...Thanks for that link, I'll have to check the General out! LOL! WB

    • PADDYBOY60 profile image

      PADDYBOY60 5 years ago from Centreville Michigan

      I get cold very easy up here in Michigan. I can't imagine sitting here writing this in the buff.

    • Wayne Brown profile image
      Author

      Wayne Brown 5 years ago from Texas

      @PADDYBOY60...Nor would I reccomend it either! LOL! Thanks much Paddy! WB

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