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Updated on March 7, 2012

By: Wayne Brown

Lil’ Charlie spotted her at the market, a plumb, cute little filly

To not get her phone number and call her would be quite silly

But he thought she might be married; it caused him consternation

Besides his picture was all over town, she’d know his reputation



So he sneaked up close as she was checking out with the clerk

Peeked at her drivers license and got her name like a jerk

Then he begin to plan his devious little scheme

Soon he’d be on the phone calling up this cute little dream



His fingers searched the white pages for her number at home

He’d call up some night from the booth with the public phone

Once he’d made a few little coos, she’d be eatin’ from his hand

Then before you know it in her bed he was sure to land



The first evening that he called why she just was all a stir

She kept trying to guess who it was that was calling her

But Charlie never gave a name as in the phone he cooed

Finally she hung up after deciding that he was just crude



“You wanna hear me bark like a dog?” was his only question

She said “no! Can’t you make a much better suggestion?

Charlie said “I can but you might think it kind of crude”

“I was just sittin here a wonderin’ what you look like nude!”



Well, Margret hung up that phone and quickly called the cops

Told ‘em she had a stalker and lewd suggestions he did drop

They said they’d run right over there quickly from the station

They’d take her statement then they’d start a full investigation



The police listened to her recorder making notes in their little pad

They were amazed and had to grin at the suggestions that he had

Then they got to the part to which she had most objected

Ol’ Charlie screamed into the phone, “Hey Margret, are you naked?



They finally had enough evidence and their findings were very ample

One of the detectives said the voice sound like ol’ Charlie Campbell

So they staked out his little place and followed him everywhere around

And it wasn’t very long before he hit that pay phone booth downtown




Charlie had dialed up Margret’s number and had her on the phone

He was asking her if she was naked and there at home alone

The cops charged the booth just as Charlie was beginning to wail

They cuffed him up and carted him off down to the local jail



The Police Chief said “Campbell, you’ve screwed it big this time”

“You can’t call the women and get ‘em naked on the phone line”

Charlie said “Well, I can sure try and I think she likes it too”

“I think she wants my body but that’s just between me and you”



Chief said, “Charlie, in prison, there’s no women and no phones

You’re gonna spend your days and nights in a jail cell all alone”

Charlie whistled lowly and realized that before long he’d be idled

Then asked that Chief for the phone call to which he was entitled



Charlie grabbed that phone and without delay the number he did dial

It a rang, once, twice, three times, then it was answered in a while

“Is that you Margret?” the shocked Chief heard Charlie mutter

“Yes, it’s me again Margret and my mind is in the gutter”



Well the Chief dived across the desk and put ol’ Charlie in cuffs

“You better stop making those calls or things will get a might rough”

Things were looking bad for Campbell as he sat there in that cell

If the judge threw the book at him, he’d be carted off to jail



Just when things were looking sure for Charlie to wear stripes

That cute little Margaret come sashaying in arriving in the night

She pulled out her purse and plunk down all of Charlie’s fine

She said go make some phone calls and make sure I’m on the line



Charlie’s got Margaret on the phone and like a rooster he crows

Margaret keeps him close by and he follows her where she goes

Tonight they plan to have a blast, an affair that finger-lickin’

Charlie’s comin’ to her house with a weed eater and live chicken.



© Copyright WBrown2010. All Rights Reserved.




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    • Wayne Brown profile image

      Wayne Brown 7 years ago from Texas

      @MartieCoetser...Charlie and I keep something going back and forth on each other. I hope your dad was better at it than a lemonade stand poet like myself! WB

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 7 years ago from South Africa

      Nice entertainment! My father wrote stories like this in the same format.

    • Wayne Brown profile image

      Wayne Brown 7 years ago from Texas

      @dallas93444....I'll have to wait for Charlie to get famous! LOL! WB

    • dallas93444 profile image

      Dallas W Thompson 7 years ago from Bakersfield, CA

      You got to put together into books...

    • Wayne Brown profile image

      Wayne Brown 7 years ago from Texas

      @Whidbeywriter....Glad you had fun with it. I had fun writing it and knew the minute that I came across the video that Charlie was in trouble! Thanks for the read! WB

    • Whidbeywriter profile image

      Mary Gaines 7 years ago from Oak Harbor on Whidbey Island, Washington

      I loved it - this was too funny....I love Ray Stevens and had not seen this video...thanks for sharing and making me laugh so hard I could hardly stand it. Your good - great poem Wayne. Cheers

    • Wayne Brown profile image

      Wayne Brown 7 years ago from Texas

      @ladyjane1...thanks much! When I write about Charlie, it's always fun! WB

      @wytegarillaz...Thank you, please stop again sometimes! WB

      @Austinstar...Ray Stevens is a riot. I love to have him for a next door neighbor. This one is probably one of his best too. It worked out real well for my Charlie poem! WB

    • Austinstar profile image

      Lela 7 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

      OMG! Ray Stevens himself was spying on Charlie and me! I got the part about the Cool Whip, the chicken and the handcuffs, but a weed eater??? Oh yea, I forgot to mow.

      That dang Charlie and Wayne. Boys and their toys, ROFLOL!

    • wytegarillaz profile image

      wytegarillaz 7 years ago from Australia

      that was funny !!

    • ladyjane1 profile image

      ladyjane1 7 years ago from Texas

      ha this was hilarious. You are very talented Wayne. Cheers.

    • Wayne Brown profile image

      Wayne Brown 7 years ago from Texas know you love and that Margret is good loookin! Wooo! LOL! WB

    • profile image

      ralwus 7 years ago

      Rat in a too big hat.

    • Wayne Brown profile image

      Wayne Brown 7 years ago from Texas

      @prasetio30...Thank you I am so glad you liked it and thanks for the great rating! WB

      @breakfastpop...Sorry about that Poppy. Maybe you shouldn't read my stuff around food! LOL! WB

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 7 years ago


      I just choked on my dinner. Thanks !

    • prasetio30 profile image

      prasetio30 7 years ago from malang-indonesia

      Good work, Wayne. I love this poem. Thanks for share with us. Rate this Up.

    • profile image

      SilverGenes 7 years ago

      Thanks, Wayne. That should be an interesting podcast and I'll be there!

    • Wayne Brown profile image

      Wayne Brown 7 years ago from Texas

      @saddlerider1...Wonder where he is today? Probably tangled up in the sweaty sheets with a babe. I love this's Ray Stevens at this best. My other favorite of his is the "Shriner's Convention" which he calls himself the "lustrious potentate"....dammit Coy, this Bubba! Glad you like this one Ken! WB

    • saddlerider1 profile image

      saddlerider1 7 years ago

      Well this poem should stir up the sweat glands and juices in our favorite old sun CC. Yup we all need a Margaret in our life from time to time to keep the excitement going. I can just see CC making that call and letting his skinny soul rip and his lizard with a a mind of hit's own. I think the cops would just say dam it's just old harmless Charlie again having fun with the ladies, no charge for the phone call:0))

      I love the video to Wayne, I caught it a few weeks back and laughed my friggin head off.

    • Wayne Brown profile image

      Wayne Brown 7 years ago from Texas

      @SilverGenes...aren't you glad that ya got to interview me! LOL! This video has always just cracked me up as has Ray Stevens so I thought I would build something for Charlie around it. Speaking of interviews, I am going to try to be on TimBryce's podcast at 11:30AM eastern time on Monday. He is having some discussion on the passing of the torch from baby-boomer to generation X. I will send you the info via email if you want to try to tune in to the site. Thanks for the good words. They mean a lot coming from you with your butta-silk style that flows like casual conversation. You have a ton of talent yourself! WB

    • profile image

      SilverGenes 7 years ago

      He's gonna love this! As for typing after the video starts, well just forget it! I'm laughing too hard. Dammit man, you have talent! LOL