CHARLIE'S CALLIN'
By: Wayne Brown
Lil’ Charlie spotted her at the market, a plumb, cute little filly
To not get her phone number and call her would be quite silly
But he thought she might be married; it caused him consternation
Besides his picture was all over town, she’d know his reputation
So he sneaked up close as she was checking out with the clerk
Peeked at her drivers license and got her name like a jerk
Then he begin to plan his devious little scheme
Soon he’d be on the phone calling up this cute little dream
His fingers searched the white pages for her number at home
He’d call up some night from the booth with the public phone
Once he’d made a few little coos, she’d be eatin’ from his hand
Then before you know it in her bed he was sure to land
The first evening that he called why she just was all a stir
She kept trying to guess who it was that was calling her
But Charlie never gave a name as in the phone he cooed
Finally she hung up after deciding that he was just crude
“You wanna hear me bark like a dog?” was his only question
She said “no! Can’t you make a much better suggestion?
Charlie said “I can but you might think it kind of crude”
“I was just sittin here a wonderin’ what you look like nude!”
Well, Margret hung up that phone and quickly called the cops
Told ‘em she had a stalker and lewd suggestions he did drop
They said they’d run right over there quickly from the station
They’d take her statement then they’d start a full investigation
The police listened to her recorder making notes in their little pad
They were amazed and had to grin at the suggestions that he had
Then they got to the part to which she had most objected
Ol’ Charlie screamed into the phone, “Hey Margret, are you naked?
They finally had enough evidence and their findings were very ample
One of the detectives said the voice sound like ol’ Charlie Campbell
So they staked out his little place and followed him everywhere around
And it wasn’t very long before he hit that pay phone booth downtown
Charlie had dialed up Margret’s number and had her on the phone
He was asking her if she was naked and there at home alone
The cops charged the booth just as Charlie was beginning to wail
They cuffed him up and carted him off down to the local jail
The Police Chief said “Campbell, you’ve screwed it big this time”
“You can’t call the women and get ‘em naked on the phone line”
Charlie said “Well, I can sure try and I think she likes it too”
“I think she wants my body but that’s just between me and you”
Chief said, “Charlie, in prison, there’s no women and no phones
You’re gonna spend your days and nights in a jail cell all alone”
Charlie whistled lowly and realized that before long he’d be idled
Then asked that Chief for the phone call to which he was entitled
Charlie grabbed that phone and without delay the number he did dial
It a rang, once, twice, three times, then it was answered in a while
“Is that you Margret?” the shocked Chief heard Charlie mutter
“Yes, it’s me again Margret and my mind is in the gutter”
Well the Chief dived across the desk and put ol’ Charlie in cuffs
“You better stop making those calls or things will get a might rough”
Things were looking bad for Campbell as he sat there in that cell
If the judge threw the book at him, he’d be carted off to jail
Just when things were looking sure for Charlie to wear stripes
That cute little Margaret come sashaying in arriving in the night
She pulled out her purse and plunk down all of Charlie’s fine
She said go make some phone calls and make sure I’m on the line
Charlie’s got Margaret on the phone and like a rooster he crows
Margaret keeps him close by and he follows her where she goes
Tonight they plan to have a blast, an affair that finger-lickin’
Charlie’s comin’ to her house with a weed eater and live chicken.
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