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Cable Company Customer Service

Updated on November 3, 2011

Cable Company Customer Service

7:40 pm… the cable is out

Just static on the TV

Google whom to call

1 800 number being dialed….

“Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed”

I don’t want a frickin menu… I want someone to fix the cable.

“Press 1 for service in English”

Think I'll press 235556 and see if they have anyone who speaks ancient Latin

Great.. their ‘lines are busier than usual’. That is NOT unusual

“Please stay on the line”

Hire more reps you cheap asses…

I give you enough each month to at least have someone answer the phone.

Barry Manilow sings while I am on hold

Oh Mandy

I hate Barry Manilow

I hate Mandy

I hate the cable company

5 minutes on hold….

The Musak has stopped... and here comes the sales pitch.

To Hell with you and your up-selling message, and damn the bundle package offer!!

I don’t want to see 24 hours of people bidding on storage units…

I could care less about the Duggars!

Oprah has a channel now!?! A whole bloody channel!?!?

You have GOT to be kidding!?

10 minutes on hold

God I hate these people

This call is costing me a fortune

My baby is crying out for Teletubbies… fix the #%@% cable now!

I swear I’m going to throw the TV out the window and buy a book

God I hate reading

15 minutes on hold

I’m seriously going to go down there and pee on their bloody doors

This is unbelievable

I have a life to lead…

Answer the phone you #%#@%@ers

20 minutes on hold

Wait... the recording has stopped!

I hear a click

‘Yes… Hello!?.. Hello?!.. I need help with my cable…”

“I’m sorry, our offices are now closed”

“Our normal hours of operation are Monday to Friday, 9 am to 8 pm”

Oh, you bastards!

You #%@#%@%@%^ bastards!!

“Please.. don’t swear in front of the baby”

The wife tries to calm me down

I know what to do!!

I’m going to write an email!

Going to tell the president of the company what I think of him!

Going to tell his vice presidents too!

Going to write everyone at the whole !@$%# cable company!

Going to write Barry Manilow and tell him what he can do to himself!

Laptop booting up.

Get myself a beer.. this is going to take some time but it’s going to feel sooo good.

Maybe I should do it in a poem format?

What rhythms with ‘jerk’?

Here we go! Here we go! Here we go!

What the ____!?!?

Webpage Not Found!?!?

Internet cable is down too!?!?!

Damn you !!

Damn you Google! Damn you Bill Gates! Damn you Barry Manilow!

Writers Notes:

1. The opinions expressed above do not necessary reflect those of HubPages or HubPages staff members. They do, however, accurately reflect those of the the author, and approximately 90% of Cable company customers.

2. Mandy reached "Number position 1" in the USA music charts in 1974. Biblical experts agree that this was the first sign of the apocalypse


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    • Xenonlit profile image

      Xenonlit 6 years ago

      I loved working free months of HBO and other premium channels out of them. But come on! A week for a simple repair? Great hub.

    • Paradise7 profile image

      Paradise7 6 years ago from Upstate New York

      Man o man, been there, done that, and don't want to do it again! Great stuff here, I'm sure we can all relate!

    • molometer profile image

      molometer 6 years ago from United Kingdom

      I have just spent hours on the phone to 2 car insurance companies that will not talk to each other about me switching my policy to the other company. Reason given "Data Protection Act" the one company cannot (will not) pass on any information to the second company (offering cheaper insurance) as they need my written permission to release my no claims bonus details. What bull. They are just making it difficult to save my custom. When I told them that I will report them to the authorities suddenly everything was resolved.

      What a crock of _ _ _ _ fill in expletive. lol

      If these humans can't even communicate what chance machines?

    • FloraBreenRobison profile image

      FloraBreenRobison 6 years ago

      Yes, you accurately expressed my thoughts about having a machine answer my phone call and waiting on the phone. Cable companies are only one such type of business like this.