It's hard, the writing, these days. I don't know where to start. Every time I attempt to write my introduction, I always end up erasing everything I have written. I know life makes me jaded. My daily routine bores me and when I am jaded with what's happening to me everyday, my mood is always affected and when my mood is affected so does my writing. I want something new, something different and exciting. I want to write funnier, more
inspiring, mind blowing or perhaps, informative articles now but nothing's coming in my mind. I want to do so many things but I can't, I can't because I don't want to give myself the freedom to do the things I can do but I shouldn't. Well, you know, it doesn't mean we could do something, we should do it. There's always a limitation, even freedom has its own limitation.
I can describe my mind as a messy classroom today--really topsy-turvy. The words aren't coming out and they are just hanging at the back of my mind. And this article isn't an article anymore rather a Public Diary. Oh, yes, I have a diary again. Maybe this is the hardest part of being a writer, you have to write, you want to write but you can't. . .you really can't.
If I am a boy I think I am suffering from Peter Pan syndrome. I don't want to grow old, I want to be young forever, I don't want to have a family of my own someday, I don't want to get matured, I don't want to leave my teenage life when in fact I am not a teenager anymore and I'm thinking of not marrying though I know it's too early to think about that (that's why i told you I'm not thinking about it). What I don't understand about myself is why I can't leave my teenage life when I didn't enjoy it, anyway. I didn't have a happy teenage life. I never experienced what other people my age experienced. I didn't have lots of friends, I didn't go to parties, discos and clubs, I didn't have so many boyfriends and I never learned to drink but I used to smoke, mind you. I used to smoke but I stopped it just before my Mom knew about it. I quit it because it's not a good habit, I knew it's not good for my health and as far as I know, pretty girls don't smoke, do they? But I have a few friends-- few but true friends. Some of them left me because they had to but, some were gone with the wind. I know it hurts but I have to understand the truth that friends come and go. They are like life--God lends it to us and we got to take good care of it because if we don't, it will leave us unsatisfied.
When I was 17, two of my girl friends got pregnant without husbands. Their fool boyfriends impregnated them and then left them miserable. One, aborted the child and the other decided to raise the baby herself. My mom told me to stay away from them because I might get pregnant too but I didn't follow her because as far as I know, pregnancy isn't a contagious disease besides, I didn't have a boyfriend so how could I be pregnant? And now, they are living their own life. I know they are happy even I don't see them anymore. I know life has given them the best lesson we cannot get from school. Someday, I will meet them again maybe in unplanned times but I am sure , we'll meet again.
I have new friends now. They are just like me--crazy, insane, spoiled rotten brats, frank, bullies, childish and immature. We hurt one another all the time. We hit, push,kick and shout at one another every time we meet but I never hate them and I am sure that they don't hate me too, I hope I am right. There are things we don't agree with but we have one thing in common-- and that is we are so crazy about one another. Everybody cannot live without friends and everybody shouldn't be alone because God didn't create Adam alone.