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How To: The Hitch-Hiker Joke

Updated on March 28, 2011

This is one of my favorite jokes. I can't remember where or when I heard it, but it's always a hit and if you pull it off correctly, it can be for you too. First, I'm going to give you a short instruction on how to tell it. Delivery is everything. I usually use it in large to moderate social groups when everyone is telling stories. (i.e. Parties, camp fires, dinners, reunions) This works best because the more people listening, the more likely someone will ask the punchline. (Without knowing it)

Think of a place nearby that you would normally drive to. I usually use a town name or place of business. With that in mind, you're ready to begin!

JOKE: ** OH! I didn't tell you about that hitch-hiker did I?! CREEPIEST STORY OF MY LIFE!! Last (pause as if you're trying to remember) Thursday I was driving to (Insert wherever) and saw this guy walking on the side of the road. Normally I wouldn't pick up a hitch-hiker, but I was feeling generous. Who knows? Anyway, I pull over and ask where he's going. Then he throws his bag in my back seat and gets in. "Know where (insert wherever) is?" I told him it wouldn't be a problem.

That's when this smell hits me. It's a hitch-hiker, I know he might smell, but this smelled like something rotting, not BO. It occurred to me that he might have something in the bag so I ask him, "Hey, what's in the bag?" in as friendly a tone as I could. He looks at me and says "None of your damn business". I mean, I knew it really wasn't, but this thing STUNK and he was riding in MY car. I started feeling like I had a right to know so I asked him again! (Everyone should be really interested at this point) "None of your DAMN BUSINESS!"

I hit the brakes and told him to get out of the car; he had no "business" in my car anymore. He got out, slammed the door, and I sped off. That's when the smell hit me again. He had left the bag in the car!!! **

This is where you leave off! The rest is up to your audience. If you've delivered a believable performance someone will ask, "That's it?! What was in the bag?"

Look them coldly in the face and reply, "None of your damn business"

AGAIN! Delivery is everything. Remember that it's a story until the punchline is given.

This joke very rarely fails and it's always good for a laugh! ENJOY!


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