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The Time of Rememberence
My heart…caved in and seems to be malfunctioning.Blood rushing through my veins, takes a back seat and reflects…‘Is it really worth it?’White blood cells my shining armor, protector and guardian who once could slay the most deadly viruses known to mankind, now struggle to maintain its glorious reputation.Fighting to breathe, craving for energy only to realize its once shiny armor was now crippled, laughed at and forgotten.
Bones become weak and fragile, just taking a few steps feels like I've won a gold medal.The doctor thinks I haven't got that much time left.
He says'…Spend time with your loved ones…'
My eyes close for a minute, utter silence wonders around the room as tears slowly roll down my face.There's a moment of awkwardness as the doctor pretends to be busy looking at his memos and giving me advice on what to do next.The room feels cold, upon the windows the trees look dire screaming for help. I can tell by the sudden twitching under the left eye, and the constant readjusting of his tie,the growing intensity of this realization that tomorrow is truly not promised.Constantly growing wanting more space to share its frightful pain.He helps me to the door and asks,
'Are you okay?’
I close the door, take a minute and grunt ‘Why do I feel this way?’With the little strength I have I clench my fist swearing vengeance to whoever took my heart.
Such words float through my mind as I stood there in the hallway watching the world go by. Everyone seems to be walking past like I don't exist. The only thing to keep me company was the bottle in my coat pocket, enticing to me to indulge in misery and self-pity. The nurse runs to me and ushers me outside,pointing to the sign which states ‘Drinking is not prohibited here.’ FINALLY!!!Someone has spoken to me… well in this case given me an order but I didn't care, just that delicate yet commanding voice suddenly triggered a bolt of energy back into my life.
I quickly fixed up my shirt hoping she would want to have a conversation. However, as quickly she came she went back to attending other patients, and there I was left once again helpless and not knowing what to do.
My legs give way and I stumble towards the ground my eyes were blinded by darkness. Lying on the ground with no movement to my body and time is no longer needed everything stops.
'One more push ' my heart screamed. At this point there was nothing to lose. I slowly open my eyes yet still there's darkness. I squint a bit harder,a hole appears, a little hole and in that tiny hole, there lies hope and there it is what I'd been missing‘Love’.
In front of me love calls with open arms.An overwhelming feeling of guilt took over my body. My face no longer stern and cold but more so sympathetic, I never meant to offend love. Confused I was broken and too scared to make a move,His voice was hitting every bone in my body so pure and vulnerable I just couldn't stop shaking. Love looked at me and I looked at love.Scared? Yes. Petrified? Most definitely.I knew this was my chance to feel alive again. I leaped towards love and in that moment there was life and my heart splurged through the caved walls and pumping blood to its organs better than before and there I was…born again.
Still lying on the floor with a smile on my face for I knew that caved in was a thing of the past, love resides here now.