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Change of Space

Updated on January 1, 2013

Life Review

"in order to stop the cycles, we have to take into account what may be a recurring theme in our lives, acknowledge our part in it and be willing to change. Only then can we break the cycle and move on." ELF
"in order to stop the cycles, we have to take into account what may be a recurring theme in our lives, acknowledge our part in it and be willing to change. Only then can we break the cycle and move on." ELF

Getting Ready to Move and Changing the Mantra

She was rebuilding her life

Getting ready to move on

But first

Piece by piece

She sorted through trash she’d been carrying for decades

Souvenirs from the battlefield

“Now, who needs shrapnel to remember old wounds?”

She wasn’t ready for this task.


She sat down first to write.

From the beginning…

Each test, each love, each disappointment, each loss

There had to be a pattern here

A life unexamined becomes a cycle

Same scenario, same outcome, different characters

Set your watch by the turn of events

One Mississippi, Two Mississippi, Three Mississipp

Bird’s eye view is so much clearer

Study without emotion

Connect the dots, not the tears

Do the math, not the reason behind the numbers

For once - take notes, don’t write the story.


“My dear Watson, I think we have discovered a clue!”

“But keep going dear man, I’ve a feeling we aren’t through

The crime scene tape is still firmly attached

Run those blood samples to find the perfect match

No one believes in a victimless crime

Keep searching and prying, you’ll find more with time

A shattered memory is never without reason

The trauma of drama takes its toll, whatever the season

Ha! Ah yes! She’s come around with this writing

With a conclusion her mind doesn’t want to invite in.”


She sighed loudly looking down at the paper

“I’ve got a lot of work to do.”

Then she set the threshold a little lower

Clearing away more of the clutter,

Throwing away more trash,

Casting aside more trinkets,

Deciding she didn’t need souvenirs.

She had her journals.


Her new house wasn’t going to be filled with old energy

She was starting brand new

Fresh paint on the walls

New things she would acquire along the way - for herself

With new memories

Now that she was facing forward

And would live with her new mantra

“I am not the doctor.”

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    • Erin LeFey profile imageAUTHOR

      Erin LeFey 

      7 years ago from Maryland

      My sister Penny, well look out, because its my new goal - and I'm learning along the way about how very hard it is. But some things just need to be done in order for you to rise out of the ashes. Love and peace.

    • pennyofheaven profile image

      pennyofheaven 

      7 years ago from New Zealand

      Oh my goodness. I love the determination and the understanding what it would take. The closing of doors and opening new ones with fresh new eyes where only wonder and the awe of life will take lead. I love it my sister!

    • Erin LeFey profile imageAUTHOR

      Erin LeFey 

      7 years ago from Maryland

      Thanks so much VV68, yes, its time to clean house - not really to get rid of old memories, but to analyze for myself the patterns in what always goes wrong and what part I play in it. An honest and painful process, but its the only way to break the cycle. Love and Peace.

    • vietnamvet68 profile image

      vietnamvet68 

      7 years ago from New York State

      sometimes through life we have to throw out those old memories to start new again. God Bless my dear.

    • Erin LeFey profile imageAUTHOR

      Erin LeFey 

      7 years ago from Maryland

      Kallini2010, I know you feel it. That's an excellent mantra for once I get through with clearing out the old behaviors. I can't keep saying "yes" to the things (and relationships) that are harmful to me. I'm attracted to the wrong things, familiar things, but I'll keep perpetuating the cycle. It is painful at times, and even pain feels familiar - I know you know what I'm talking about. It is time for a new stage - but I've got to clear out my head to make way for the new. Then say "Yes, I deserve this happiness." Thanks so much for visiting. Peace and Love.

    • kallini2010 profile image

      kallini2010 

      7 years ago from Toronto, Canada

      I feel the pain.

      "I am not the doctor"

      I know a good mantra as well. "Say Yes to your universe", just nod year head and say "Yes" regardless of what it is, joy or pain (of loss).

      Letting go is difficult, but say "Yes" to it.

      You write beautifully, Erin. It is funny that we are on the same wavelength - I have to get rid of my souvenirs, let go and celebrate a new stage of my life. Good bye to dead weight...

    • Erin LeFey profile imageAUTHOR

      Erin LeFey 

      7 years ago from Maryland

      is that a polite way of saying that I'm confusing? lol

      I think I'm going to get a lot from this exercise of life review - making sure that its only temporary and I figure out my next steps from here and keep moving. I'm looking forward to it. I hope it inspires lots of new poetic creations. Time will tell...

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 

      7 years ago

      .....there is definitely a lot going on here - and it's overflowing with ideas and thoughts and poetic creation - quite epic in its scope actually and a mighty mighty piece which requires another visit .........to renew old acquaintances - and discover new ones .......

    • Erin LeFey profile imageAUTHOR

      Erin LeFey 

      7 years ago from Maryland

      Sally, how wonderful to meet you! welcome to my hubpages!

      B., Ruby, Nell, You are all right! This is a new piece for me! I've been given an assignment by my therapist so all kinds of things are coming up for me. Pattern recognition, not making the same mistakes in the future, pushing forward without fear when I'm finished, and not holding myself back, absolutely. But of course there will be a lot before I get to that point, so I think we'll be on this little journey for a bit :) Love and peace

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 

      7 years ago from England

      HI, Erin, this was beautiful, pushing forward and not looking back, and more importantly not letting yourself hold back, fantastic, cheers nell

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Richert 

      7 years ago from Southern Illinois

      Erin, This is so beautiful, to me it means a new begining, a new awakening to a new tomorrow, forgetting past memories, moving forward. Wonderful!

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 

      7 years ago

      This was so different a piece for you, but nevertheless, a total experience for the reader to absorb and feel...beautiful written.

    • Truckstop Sally profile image

      Truckstop Sally 

      7 years ago

      What a beautiful experience! There are so many powerful lines and healing sentiments. A life unexamined becomes a cycle. This journey while painful and difficult -- is a postive one. Thanks

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