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Clean Humor

Updated on September 4, 2011

One Friday morning, an appliance repair teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of the day off.

She started with "This was England's finest hour." Suzy instantly jumped up and said, "Winston Churchill." "Congratulations," said the teacher, "you may go home." The teacher then said, "Ask not what your country can do for you." Before she could finish this quote, another lady belts out, "John F. Kennedy". "Very good" says the teacher, "you may go."

Irritated that he has missed two golden opportunities, Johnny said, "I wish those girls would just shut up." Upon overhearing this comment, the outraged teacher demanded to know who said it. Johnny instantly rose to his feet and said, "Bill Clinton. I'll see you Monday."

The Appliance Salesman and the Pub

An appliance salesman has been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally says that the bar is closing. So the salesman stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl the 4 blocks to his home and when he arrives at the door he stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him. "So, you've been out drinking again!!" "What makes you say that?" He asks as he puts on an innocent look."The pub called, you fool, you left your wheelchair down there again.

Top Ten Appliance Engineer’s Terms or Expressions Vs What They Really Mean:

10. A number of different approaches are being tried.
(We are still guessing at this point.)

9. This is a major technological breakthrough!
(It works OK, and looks really hi-tech!)

8. Test results were extremely gratifying!
(Unbelievable, it actually worked!)

7. The entire concept will have to be abandoned.
(The only person who understood the concept quit.)

6. All new…
(Parts are not interchangeable with previous designs…)

5. This product has been in development for years.
(One finally worked!)

4. This product is Energy Star compliant.
(Energy saving is achieved when the power switch is off.)

3. This item has very low maintenance.
(It’s nearly impossible to fix it.)

2. Please fax me the information.
(I’m too lazy to write it down.)

1. I did not get your e-mail message.
(I have not checked my e-mail for days.)

The Appliance Repairwoman and the Rolls Royce

A blonde appliance repair woman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for 2 weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so she hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde appliance repair woman for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde appliance repair woman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blond appliance repair woman replies...."Where else in New York City can I park my car for 2 weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"


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    • profile image 6 years ago


    • tsadjatko profile image

      TSAD 6 years ago from https:// online/ hubpages. html

      LOL Hard to find good clean humor Some sites label it clean when it isn't. Must have taken some work to change them so you didn't get flagged for duplication - they don't flag comments though so here goes...Here is one for you!

      An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his banker and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home.

      When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything.Both the banker and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness, and avaricious behavior that made them squirm in their seats.

      Finally, the banker said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?"

      The old preacher mustered up his strength and then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go."

    • jean2011 profile image

      jean2011 6 years ago from Canada

      Quite funny! I have voted this hub funny. I like especially the one about the repair teacher. Thank you for sharing.

    • sheila b. profile image

      sheila b. 6 years ago

      I especially liked the blond joke. Actually, I'm wondering if I can make the same deal...