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Compilation of Filipino Jokes and Funny Text Messages

Updated on April 12, 2011

A Compilation of Filipino Jokes (Updated)

Filipinos are known for their sense of humor, an attribute that keeps them afloat and strong amid very difficult problems and tough challenges. Filipinos derives some of their strength and persistence by smiling and setting aside problems. I hope these could cheer up your day.



Q. What is the difference between a lawyer and a client?

A. One acts for his pay and the other pays for his act.

Q. What usual thing can be found in a lawyer's attache case?

A. Brief

Q. What kind of judges are fast in deciding cases?

A. Finnish

Q. What do lawyers do when they die?

A. Lie Still

Q. What kind of Policeman enjoys his work most?

A. The traffic one because he whistles while doing his job.

Q. What kind of a party do prisoners like most?

A. Going-away party.

Q. What do you call a girl who is always taking people to Court?

A. Sue

Legal Jokes

Judge: When was the first time you dropped out of class because of amnesia or memory problem.

Witness: I don't recall sir. I can't remember.


Fiscal: Could you see him from where you were standing?

Witness: I could see his head.

Fiscal: And where was his head?

Witness: Just above his shoulders.


One time a stupid politician together with his bodyguards decided to eat in a cozy restaurant elsewhere in Manila. By the time they’re done eating he asked the waiter about their chit. The politician was so surprised about their expenses because it was so huge, and without hesitation he asked the waiter why they have such bill...

The waiter politely told the politician they are also paying the place’s ambiance as well....

Very angry the politician yelled at his bodyguards and said, “Next time do not order ambiance!”

Let’s paint the town red hehehehe

One time a father asked his son about his favorite color, “Juan what is your favorite color?” Juan quickly replied Fuchsia. “Very good son,” said the father and added, “Kindly spell fuchsia son,” hehehe, the son politely answered “I made up my mind dad I guess red is better than fuchsia.”

The courtship story of my friend (true story)

One time my friend, courted a very beautiful lady, he was a college student that time (Filipino parents are strict, very conservative and truly are hard to pleased), and courageously courted her, at around 1:00 PM in the afternoon. With flowers and a token gift he braved the lady’s mother as he asked if their daughter is present, the mother responded by saying “Ah she is asleep can you go back here after 1 hour please.” My poor friend waited and came back after an hour, and again with respect he asked “Is your daughter still asleep?” the mother politely said yes, comeback again after 1 hour will you. Then the same scenario happened in the succeeding hours hehehehe, after 3 hours, 4 hours and 5 hours had lapsed my poor friend will get the same response to come back here after 1 hour and at the very last at around 7:00 PM, very exhausted and already discouraged my friend, alas... told the mother of the girl he is wooing that she better wake up her daughter for... she could’ve have been dead, nyahahaha, tough luck my friend. Patience is virtue wakikik… My friend now is a marine engineer and have had worked in Japan already and he is good-looking and dark in complexion.

My student thinks he is snowboarding, little did he know there is no snow in the Philippines.

My student at his comical form.
My student at his comical form.

Read More Jokes with this Hub

Compilation of Legal and Text Jokes - Four kinds of SLOGANS, Preacher: I pray for all. Lawyer: I plead for all. Doctor: I prescribe for all. Plain Citizen: I pay for all. Read More by clicking the link:

Frugal story.

One time there where three friends and one of them said, “My uncle is frugal, why? One time he found a box of match he bought a pack of cigarettes.” With jest the second of the three said, “That’s nothing, when my uncle found a sim pack he bought a cellphone? Nyahahaha… now here’s the dagger, the last of three said with an obnoxious face hehehe, “Your uncles does’nt know how to be thrifty, when my uncle found a coffin on his way home, do you know what he did?”, What? Said the two in unison, then the boisterous of the three quipped, “He commit suicide to help him save much on burial." Nyahahahaha.

This is my third entry to the hubchallenge.


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    • Storytellersrus profile image

      Barbara 7 years ago from Stepping past clutter

      Silly jokes for such an early hour. Good one, GH!

    • profile image

      ghost 7 years ago

      Wow nice site! hope I can create a site like this someday.

    • GeneralHowitzer profile image

      Gener Geminiano 7 years ago from Land of Salt, Philippines

      Hehehehe thanks Michael Shane...

    • Michael Shane profile image

      Michael Shane 7 years ago from Gadsden, Alabama

      LOL! Very funny stuff......

    • GeneralHowitzer profile image

      Gener Geminiano 8 years ago from Land of Salt, Philippines

      Thank you very much I hope they will enjoy it too though...

    • beth811 profile image

      beth811 8 years ago from Pearl of the Orient Seas

      Thanks for sharing these jokes. I enjoyed them and planned to share these to my friends.

    • shamelabboush profile image

      shamelabboush 8 years ago

      Your first sense about having a high sense of humor is damn correct. I have lots of filipino friends and GOD, they just don't age and when they a disaster or something, you can't really tell until they tell you. They just keep smiling :)

    • GeneralHowitzer profile image

      Gener Geminiano 8 years ago from Land of Salt, Philippines

      hehehe too, thanks for dropping by...

    • ripplemaker profile image

      Michelle Simtoco 8 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

      Hehehe :)

    • GeneralHowitzer profile image

      Gener Geminiano 8 years ago from Land of Salt, Philippines

      Thanks for dropping by...

    • prasetio30 profile image

      prasetio30 8 years ago from malang-indonesia

      thanks for share. it was very funny. I like it.