Confessions of the Emotional
Chapter 2 Part 3
So now the question is what's next? what do I do? All of a sudden last night everything changed. I decided to get off the couch of sorrows and go out! I mean I needed it and this cute guy, Edward, invited me to his house. As we sat on the couch he wrapped his hand around mine and lightly brushed his lips against mine. He was cute, funny, and older then me, something I'm not really used too. But then today I figured out why Ace might be avoiding me. It could be because of my sudden fearful message to him where i kept calling him "my friend" Now guys who are reading this, question, If a girl you said you wanted to take it slow with all the sudden called you her "friend" would you be upset? After this thought I felt stupid for getting scared again..So i wrote this letter:
I'm afraid of you.
I don’t want to get hurt again.
So I got scared in Arizona when you said you needed space.
I talked to your friends when you weren’t around because I didn’t want to talk to you.
I wouldn’t dance with you because I didn’t want to get more attached.
I told you I wanted to be friends because I'm scared. Ace I hate the fact that no matter where I am in the world I think about you. I think about the good things like your jokes, ur childlike personality, and your intelligence. I think about the bad things; how you can be rude, self centered, and change around different friends. I think about the fact that I can joke around with you act like a fool and know I'm chilling with my best friend who I do like. I accept the good and bad about you. I love the good and bad..And I can’t help that.
For once I'm not thinking about marriage and if we will work in the future. I'm thinking about what I want now. I used to think what if we had a baby and it was ugly and all this other crazy stuff. Now I just think I want you, your foolish, I like you. I don’t care about any of those other things. I honestly do want a baby and I was more upset that I got my period then the sex in the hotel…when you asked if I was upset cause I got my period..I kind of ones. But I am willing to put that aside to be with you…
I mapped out all my feelings honestly something I never do..Now I just have to ask myself this question; "Will I really tell him these thoughts?"