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Cranberry Sauce (It's called).

Updated on January 10, 2017
Dean Traylor profile image

Dean Traylor is a freelance writer and teacher. He wrote for IHPVA magazines and raced these vehicles with his father (who builds them).


Cranberry sauce it's called,

but it's gelatin smooth and bald.

No berries or sauce,

just round and dulled.

It slides out, and

the serving plate it'll land.

There's no denying,

it retains the shape of the can.

Cut it with a knife;

it fights for its life.

Breaking in cubes and squares;

it continues its strife.

Finally, on your dinner plate

it really starts to hate.

It slides to the edge

to escape its fate.

Stick it with a fork.

It squirms with your hand's torque,

leaving your fork empty,

making you feel like a dork.

But you finally win

after trying again and again.

But, even as it's at your lips,

it runs down your chin.

You feel like a fool

and you don't feel cool.

It escapes, liquefied, to your lap

where it forms a pool.

Finally, dinner's through

and most your feast is too.

But that sauce still remains,

sticky -- like glue.

Some of it you got,

most of it you did not.

So it won the day

as it stained your shirt… a lot!


Didn't Know about Real Cranberry Sauce.

I have a confession to make: I believed that cranberry sauce was actually the gelatinous stuff that came out of a can. Growing up, that was what I was exposed to during Thanksgiving. It wasn't until I took an impromptu trip to the local Trader Joe's did I discover what this sauce really looked and tasted like.

I'm not alone, however. A Simpson episode lampooned this, in which Marge served the cranberry sauce by opening a can and letting it slowly slide out (even the way it bounced and jiggled on the serving plate was consistent with this form "sauce").

Also, my family -- especially my oldest sister -- will venture into creating the sauce from scratch. This latter is often the tastiest of the all the choices.

Still, there are times when there's no time to fix it. In such cases, the canned stuff will find its way back on the table as part of the Thanksgiving spread.

From the Simpsons

© 2014 Dean Traylor


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    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 

      4 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      Love this lots. I miss having Thanksgiving and all that cranberry sauce since we don't celebrate here in Latvia. Gave me a smile.

    • oceansnsunsets profile image


      4 years ago from The Midwest, USA

      Haha, this is great stuff! I loved what you wrote there. I am kind of weird this way, but I actually like that canned cranberry sauce! I also love the real stuff even more however, the homemade kind made with fresh cranberries that pop when you cook them. So I can celebrate both kinds, but this was a lot of fun. Thanks for sharing!

    • Delmar Sabio profile image

      Delmar Sabio 

      4 years ago from Lebanon, Pennsylvania

      I enjoyed reading this Hub Page it was funny,interesting and informative.


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