ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Books, Literature, and Writing»
  • Commercial & Creative Writing»
  • Creative Writing

Creep (Short Story)

Updated on September 25, 2012

This is a story i found on my Myspace that I wrote for english in high school. I still love it.


It was the perfect crime. The perfect murder. A case so untraceable, that NYPD wanted to name it cold the instant they got there. I should know, I was one of them. What happened was so simple yet so complicated at the same time. Fourteen people had been found dead in one room. There were no visible wounds, no sign of a struggle, and no sign of blood. The victims were lying next to each other. The only sign of any incident was that the doorknob had been ripped off from the inside, yet nobody was touching it. Captain Leon wanted to call it suicide, but I thought that something smelled fishy.

"What are you talkin' about?, look at the way they're lying next to each other!, they must have been in a cult or something", he had said, in his deep booming voice.

Captain Leon always caught people off guard. I guess that's what happens when you're 4 feet tall with an eye patch.

"Captain, I'd love to agree with you here but I've just got such a hunch about this place, and if it was suicide, why is the doorknob ripped off?".

"Somebody got scared?, I don't know, these people were obviously strange anyway, you're wasting your time",

"So you're just going to give up?" I replied in a voice that implied what he was suggesting was ridiculous.

"listen, I appreciate what you're trying to do here, but unless you find evidence in the next ten seconds while I spell out the word suicide, we're out of here".

That's what he had said. "we're out of here". Sometimes I felt like I was the only person on the force who was in it to help people. Everyone else just wanted to go home, or go to the bar and drink with some buddies. I signed on to NYPD to help people out, and that was what I did. What I noticed in those ten seconds, saved the case.

"Wait a minute, captain"

"What now?"

"There were only fourteen people in this room, correct?"

"What are you getting at?"

"How many shoes would fourteen people wear?"

Moments after I said this, people started walking over to the shoes. There were thirty shoes by the door. I'm glad I bought new shoes that day, or I might not have even thought about it.

"Good job, we'll take all of these shoes down to forensics right away".

Sometimes I just black out, I don't know what it is, and the department doesn't cover health insurance, so I figured I'd take my chances. This time, I woke up to find myself in the forensics lab, where our forensics team were all lying on the floor. I don't remember how long it took me to realize that they were dead, something about the way the captain was standing with his hands on his head.

"Captain, what happened?",

"After you left, we were gathering up the shoes and we got a call from the station, the team has been murdered",

"They're just like the people back at the apartment, you don't think the two cases areā€¦"

"Yes, we think the two are connected, whoever this psycho is, he's probably following us".

Nobody could be trusted. I tried to think back to who was at the apartment, but all I could remember was shoes and the captain. For mere moments I contemplated if the captain was behind it, but I felt that was impossible, how could he have killed the forensics team if he was with everyone else at the apartment. Someone must have left, but I couldn't figure it out. It was that night trying to sleep when I thought of something else. What if the captain had help. The NYPD has so many people on the force, its impossible for all of them to be pure. I thought back to the apartment, where everybody was tired, who knew how may of them were involved in the conspiracy. The captain seemed as if he wanted to leave so fast, he had to be involved. I reached over to my phone, only to realize that calling the cops would put me in a bad place, I had to take care of things on my own. I got up and walked into the kitchen.

I blacked out again, and this time, when I woke up I was pointing some sort of needle gun at Captain Leon.

"What are you doing?" he yelled at me.

I tried to put the gun down, but I had no control.

"You're going down captain, that's what happens when you break the law".

I looked around to find the person who was talking, and noticed several bodies lying on the ground. They all seemed so serene, some of them lying side by side. I stared at the captain and realized the voice was my own.

"You messed with the wrong man, Captain" said the voice, and though I tried to stop, my finger pulled the trigger.


Two security guards stood outside a cell, bearing automatic machine guns. The one to the left of the door turns to the other one.

"so what is the deal with this guy, he keeps talking to himself",

"He's a real nutcase, used to be a cop, then he killed over forty people, he claimed they were involved in some conspiracy".

"gosh, what a creep"


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Ryan Daniel Smith profile image

      Ryan Smith 5 years ago

      Thank you! Always love input. I'm actually working on a full length version that I'll be posting on here in chapters under a different name as well as another similar story so that the plot won't be as predictable

    • carrie Lee Night profile image

      Kept private 5 years ago from Northeast United States

      Ryan Daniel Smith: Not a bad story...pretty good read and interesting from the very beginning :) I did guess the plot as soon as the main character cop blacked out(a little predictible) other than that have no complaints. I would love to read more :) Thank you for taking the time to put this story on hubpages! :)

    • profile image

      dwise94 5 years ago

      Ah! Then I can't wait!

    • Ryan Daniel Smith profile image

      Ryan Smith 5 years ago

      Thats actually my idea!

    • profile image

      dwise94 5 years ago

      You know, I would love to see you redo this and flesh it out more! I love the plot idea, and it would be even better if you developed it more.