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Damning Words

Updated on May 29, 2013

Under the rain
at midnight
outside the club
Damning words,
from the semantic field
of heartbreak,
Adorned
with the venom
erupted
from a mouth never told the truth.
In huge,
nonstop,
thrown down
after her
like a water cannons
when she parted abruptly
away from the crotchet he was stitching
for long,
using the guts,
the sleepless nights,
the perfect yarn
to wrap her in.

without a sonar to navigate,
she ran,
hitting things,
splashing puddles
on the both sides,
until she reached a dimly lit bridge
where she stood under,
breathing hardly,
dripping
pain
soaked with tears
and raindrops.
she couldn't believe it!!

For her, it was a trauma,
a bold step over the convention
a step too far,
a fall over the edge
For him,it was a clever plot
a perfect snare trap
a path never trodden
neither by men nor by demons.
but thank God,she thought, for tearing down
the masquerade mask
he was wearing all this time
and much thanks for making me so lithe
tripping the fantastic light toes
out of the swirl to this shelter.

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    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 3 years ago from San Francisco

      Sounds like those days when discos became invaded by the trend setters. ( the fake people,) Thank you.

    • cleaner3 profile image

      cleaner3 3 years ago from Pueblo, Colorado

      James ..your poems have deep meanings that you know more.... than the reader... but i would not try to interpret them...... only enjoy your word play .. great

      Michael

    • blondey profile image

      Rosemary Amrhein 3 years ago from Boston, MA

      Complex poetry, I can't pretend to understand it. Very good use of vocablulary. Very well written.

    • PHILLYDREAMER profile image

      Jose Velasquez 3 years ago from Lodi, New Jersey

      People lose all sense of rationality when it comes to love and heart break. It's the perfect weapon for a predator to use against his victim.

    • wayne barrett profile image

      Wayne Barrett 3 years ago from Clearwater Florida

      I think Philly nailed it. Very good work James!

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 3 years ago from Morocco

      Martin,

      I think, on the whole, men are much more shallow than women.Look at the world,who pull the strings ? lol

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 3 years ago from Morocco

      Cleaner99,

      I like to leave my poems open to interpretation.You can try your chance lol What makes any work beautiful is different angles and views.Let me to give you one angle: Men ,as someone says,are like steel. When they lose their temper, they lose their worth.You can try other,it is open,feel free!

      James

    • Isaac White profile image

      TDM 3 years ago from Welcome to my beautiful world, where magic is no longer a myth.

      Great poem,

      I like what it read. Wha6t I noticed though was. It reminded me a little bit of The Phantom of the Opera. Was this poem a tribute.

      I. White

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 3 years ago from Morocco

      PHILLYDREAMER,

      A predator has a mouth dripping honey .He easily steals the hearts and catches the eyes of his victims.Guys are more predators than girls.They have many ways to get their own ways,the worst thing is when they get what they want,they flee run away as cowards but they fail ,they curse and maybe abuse the girls they hang on with.Few ones who could discover the plot and escape alive.

      Thanks so much!

      james

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 3 years ago from Morocco

      Wayne ,my dear friend:

      Thanks so much for the input.

      Many blessings to you!

      James

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 3 years ago from Morocco

      Isaac White,

      Thanks so much the comment my faithful friend.You really brought up some sweet and sour memories when you mentioned The Phantom of the Opera.It was the favorite movie of my and ex.I had it as a novel and I give it to her as a Christmas present..Sigh

      I saw you published an other segment of that beautiful story,I read and comment asap.I am really trying to keep up.

      Many Blessings,

      James

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image

      Cat 3 years ago from New York

      Dear James,

      I think it is so perceptive of you to see the ugly side of man and such a keen awarness. But, I think you your admiration for the female species may cloud your judgment. This is not to say women are evil. I'm simply implying that pain and manipulation is sexless. Anyone of us are vulnerable to be victims or participants. Some people just don't have this ugliness in them and some don't know how to function without it. Trust me, I have seen more ugly in man in my life, to last a lifetime. But I know, I'm missing the ones that really do exist, in which, this is not the norm. Women, oh so sweet and pretty, only makes the manipulation harder to recognize, but the pain is still just as real. I want your heart open to love, but your eyes wide awake too. There is beauty out there waiting for you, just have to learn to see straight to the heart. You're mind is as powerful as your heart James, and I know... you're day is on the horizon. I love this piece and I could feel it in the deepest parts of me, I've been here too!

      Hugs and love,

      Cat

    • suzettenaples profile image

      Suzette Walker 3 years ago from Taos, NM

      This cuts like the razor's edge. Very well written and you certainly get your point across. I enjoyed reading this!

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 3 years ago from Morocco

      suzettenaples,

      Thanks for your beautiful insight.I am glad you enjoyed it.

      Have a nice day there!

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 3 years ago

      James of Sirdom you are an writer with a brush and an artist with a pen.

      Love the narrative flow here in storytelling and it quite frankly left me breathless but then again all of your writing does that to me , my friend.

    • profile image

      Valleypoet 3 years ago

      This works really well with the picture...emotions out of control, the rain distorting..and a story with mystery to it..nicely done:-))

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 3 years ago from Morocco

      Sir Colin,

      I am glad to hear that you enjoyed it.I am trying to do my best to provide vivid pictures in my poems of women s suffering and the bad treat they receive from guys.

      Thanks so much master of masters!!

      have a wonderful weekend!

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 3 years ago from Morocco

      Valleypoet,

      Thanks so much for stopping by and commented.I really appreciate that.

      Have a wonderful weekend!

    • ocfireflies profile image

      ocfireflies 3 years ago from North Carolina

      Reading this poem made me think of a former man in my life whose favorite saying was "eyes in front" for he believed all men are predators.

      I like the way you bring the reader into the moment. I could see the girl running and feel her trying to catch her breath. Nicely done.

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 3 years ago from Wales

      How wonderful to be back off holiday and enjoying your words again Brawd.

      Voted up as always and enjoy your day.

      Eddy.

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 3 years ago from Morocco

      ocfireflies ,

      Thanks so much for your insight.Your former man was just exaggerating,of course there are exceptions haha like ME lol

    • Deborah Brooks profile image

      Deborah Brooks Langford 3 years ago from Brownsville,TX

      Dear James wow sweet friend.. this is so deep.. so wonderful... blessings to you.. sorry i haven't been around.. getting my book finally published.. I will be sharing soon

      many blessings to you dear one

      Debbie

    • dghbrh profile image

      deergha 3 years ago from ...... a place beyond now and beyond here !!!

      James...this is with much depth and your words are literally flowing with much spontaneity. Really enjoyed reading every bit of it. Thanks for sharing this one. Shared and votes all +++++++++++++++

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 3 years ago from Morocco

      Oh my dear Debbie

      Thanks for taking time out to read this and I am sorry too cause I didn't talk much on FB ...I had a weak signal ..Getting published your book is a good news but why you are not happy with Hub sorry for asking:)

      Many blessings to you too,

      James

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 3 years ago from Morocco

      dghbrh,

      Thanks so much for the visit and comment.I am glad to hear that you enjoyed it.Have a wonderful day!

      Many blessings to you,

      James

    • Micky Dee profile image

      Micky Dee 3 years ago

      Very nicely done! You are a person of compassion and awareness.

    • James-wolve profile image
      Author

      Tijani Achamlal 3 years ago from Morocco

      Micky Dee,

      Thanks so much for the compliment.:)

      Have a nice weekend!

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