Red Raindrops and Quietness, a Transparency of Me
1. RED RAINDROPS 2. QUIETNESS, A TRANSPARENCY OF ME
They come to me like
Black and devious, quick and brutal,
Searching out my weaknesses,
Slicing me open wherever I am fragile.
Then they crawl in… those decrees of poison.
So quickly they are swept up in the rush of my veins
Those dark thoughts of yours,
That haughty look of yours,
And your incessant condemnation and disapproval.
They belong to you, those words forged into knives,
Yet they are running in my blood and infecting my soul.
Not one, not two, but thousands of tiny wounds
Like paper cuts…
Each day new cuts spring a scarlet drop of blood
Marring my once
alabaster surface until all I see is red….
Alone they are weak against my resolve,
But together, those thousands of cuts are killing me, draining my life
And I can but stand watching each red droplet join the stream
Running like red raindrops down a window pane,
Slipping along my skin to a pool on the floor…
I stand surrounded, nowhere I place my foot is safe.
I want to take up my armor, be strong, impenetrable.
To deflect your poison so meticulously planned for my demise…
Your cruel declarations, so many drops you take...
Your malicious smirk as you turn away,
How I hate those little pricks… and the acid on your tongue.
Leave me while you can… leave while I am paralyzed.
I was blind for mere days, just hours,
Now I see you and the traps you laid, seeking to control something wild.
You underestimated my desire for freedom, and now my eyes are open.
They see the red raindrops sinking into earth, staining it with my agony.
You have made me stronger, and now you will see…
Your pain will join mine before you will escape.
QUIETNESS and a TRANSPARENCY of ME
Quietness has been my most loyal companion
For within it there is peace and there is thought.
Silence has become deeply entwined with me,
Like another being, it carries me from place to place…
It protects me like a shroud, but does not sadden me.
Rather quietness holds me wise and tranquil,
When I would rush in unbidden, wild,
It holds me still and comforts me.
Quietness has made me many weapons,
I picked them up in shadows and stillness.
I guard the distance around me, prepared for they that wait.
My own body once betrayed itself,
My eyes like warring countries and my tears hot and fierce.
Now Silence keeps me, and burns my fury to ash.
My feet once were so determined for desolation and solitude
But now I find that other self, that transparency of me…
In Quietness I meet that transparency of me,
The one who cannot resist the stars or the dust.
It lunges for the unreachable, for the night sky, and the hot earth,
Desiring all that awaits, but not ready for the bite of noise and scrutiny...
Now in lack of word, my actions must be truth.
Because as my lips are closed, I emerge from many other places,
From a scent or a star, and my sadness is revealed only to the moon.
In Quietness it rages for me,
For no longer are my tears hidden, and quiet am I.