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Updated on September 2, 2013
brightforyou profile image

Retired counselor, 341 short stories published by FSU. I have 4 sons, love sharing photography, writing, love travel, sunshine, sea & Grace.

Self Pity?

What is this pain in my heart...
me, a careless conception doomed to suffer?
What is this loneliness
No family tree, no loving mom; no security.

I can't move
I can't breath
I can't love
I can't leave

What is this life
for me, is it endless misery?
Why not end this agony
Why me dear God, why me

I can't sleep
I can't hope
I can't dream
I can't cope

Why do I have insight?
(me, the mistake of a mismatched union)
Why this endless emptiness?
I'm just too brittle and broken.

Too much hurt
Too awful, too sad
Too much loneliness
Too empty; too bad

I can't find a way....
I can't find the light
I can't stand the pain
I'm too exhausted to fight

Too old now
Too late to be free
Too late for love
There's no-one can save me, from me

Copyright © Helen Lewis 2008


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    • brightforyou profile image

      Helen Lewis 7 years ago from Florida

      Thanks lilyfly :-)

    • lilyfly profile image

      Lillian K. Staats 7 years ago from Wasilla, Alaska

      Simple plea, I love it... lilyfly

    • brightforyou profile image

      Helen Lewis 7 years ago from Florida

      Hi Kyriana thank you for your kind comments. I look forward to getting to know you and your hubs!

    • Kyriana profile image

      Kyriana 7 years ago from Midwest US

      What a beautifully sad work of art. You are very talented. Thank you for sharing this. I think most people have had moments like the one you shared and put beautifully!

    • brightforyou profile image

      Helen Lewis 7 years ago from Florida

      Thanks skye2day - it helps to know there is something bigger because if not, life makes no sense at all and is grossly unfair. I will definitely come and visit and look forward to reading your hubs and following you too!

    • skye2day profile image

      skye2day 7 years ago from Rocky Mountains

      Sad poem but so true. I think most have had a time they feel this self pity. Life aint easy. There is one with all power and that is God. He can turn any life to joy and peace. He forgives and redeems. He has a purpose for everyone created. He made them.

      Despair, self, lonliness can take the breath away. GOD can give it back and more. GOD never took it. The devil comes to rob steal kill destoy. GOD waits at the door.

      He wants to hear our knocks for him to come in. It is a choice. Are we going to stay at the pity party or call on the name of Jesus. I can relate I have been here. I hope if I go back I do not stay long.

      The Light always put out the dark. Great poem. DO come over for a visit. Blessings. I have joined your fans.

    • brightforyou profile image

      Helen Lewis 7 years ago from Florida

      Thanks again Valeriebelew, I really appreciate your kind comments. I'm hanging in.. thanks for your validation of my writing - I would like to extend you the same compliment. I'll keep on, keeping on. Its true that we believe lies that are indoctrinated in us. Strange how we fall under the spell of so much toxic rubbish..Thanks again!

    • valeriebelew profile image

      valeriebelew 7 years ago from Metro Atlanta, GA, USA

      brightforyou, I relate, but its still not true. You are never too old as long as there is breath in your body. It is not too late as you are still alive. Those are lies we tell ourselves, but they are just that. LIES. It isn't over, and you are an excellent writer. Keep writing. Xanax, alcohol, whatever....... some of the best artist have struggled with addiction. You have a story to tell; lives to change. Hang in there sister. The best is yet to come. (:v

    • brightforyou profile image

      Helen Lewis 7 years ago from Florida

      Hi sage - thank you for your kindest comments - I look forward to giving more through writing.. I think I need to get well finally, do something radical and make some necessary and important changes - instead of bemoaning my fate! Aloha nui loa and many bright blessings to you my dear.

    • Sa`ge profile image

      Sa`ge 7 years ago from Barefoot Island

      smile brightforyou. for you have a great purpose! what is it you ask? plain and simple my dear, to touch our hearts as you have been doing! yes, you have a purpose and we all look forward to being a part of that purpose. So, cheer up and keep a smile on that face of yours, because we are smiling :D at you my dear, we are smiling at,with, for and to you! :D

      ~aloha nui loa~ :D

    • brightforyou profile image

      Helen Lewis 7 years ago from Florida

      Hi ezhuthukari, thanks for your kind words... yes, it helped to write it out. It comes and goes. Thanks for being there for me.

    • ezhuthukari profile image

      ezhuthukari 7 years ago from Kerala

      We are all here for you brightforyou!! I am sure that just letting out the pain through these words have eased it, atleast a little bit. Loved the poem. And don't despair...

    • brightforyou profile image

      Helen Lewis 7 years ago from Florida

      Hi Micky - its never too late to be so kind and so eloquent.. I love your descriptions..I'm so blessed with all the kindness of people like you. It has warmed my heart that total strangers (not so strange writing people) can 'feel' with me and relate, thanks so much for stopping by and for sharing.

    • Micky Dee profile image

      Micky Dee 7 years ago

      Sorry I'm a little late. Please don't despair. I too have "despaired" enough. It is a rough road we walk. There are pot-holes. Life is not a Rembrandt. It's a child's drawing on a refrigerator. Life's a stage and some of us seem type-cast into "extras" for someone else's movie. Hang in my Dear.

    • brightforyou profile image

      Helen Lewis 7 years ago from Florida

      Hi crazybeanrider; thanks for offering your kind comments and support - it sounds like you are a fellow sufferer. What is the reason? Have you found the reasons why - or do you think some people are born lucky and some aren't?

    • crazybeanrider profile image

      Boo McCourt 7 years ago from Washington MI

      I am sorry your sadness is so deep. I have been there 100 or more. Your poem is raw and cutting, soulful and reaching. I wish there were words of hope to offer you. Tomorrow is another day. Hopefully one without the pain. Stay on course, there is always a reason

    • brightforyou profile image

      Helen Lewis 7 years ago from Florida

      Hi Minnetonka Twin - I'm going to read your poems. Thanks for your kindness. I love the people on hubpages...there's so much love and generosity!

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 7 years ago from Minnesota

      Beautifully sad poem. I've written a few of these poems myself on hpages. It is never too late.

      Your picture was haunting and matched well with the feel of the poem. rated this up and beautiful.

    • brightforyou profile image

      Helen Lewis 7 years ago from Florida

      Hello Words by Mike, thank you for your kind words. You are absolutely right - thank God for writing because its a way of getting to know what is trying to be 'said through me' - if that makes any sense. I look forward to reading your work Mike!

    • profile image

      Words by Mike 7 years ago

      This was a beautiful expression of deep human emotions. In my opinion, we can vent our personal pain through words, allowing us to capture hidden perspectives in retrospect. This also allows us to connect to others through our similar struggles. Thank you for sharing. Well written, keep up the good work. Cheers~

    • brightforyou profile image

      Helen Lewis 7 years ago from Florida

      Thanks Pamela, its difficult to get out when you get this low... but you are right and tomorrow is another day. Thanks for your kind comments. I just wish I could catch a break!

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 7 years ago from United States

      brightforyou, I have been exactly in that place and I have not been very good at making good choices. People don't always show their true selves until after a commitment. I would suggest trying to get involved in some activities to take your mind off the constant mind and second guessing we tend to do. Life is not over for you. There is always hope.

    • brightforyou profile image

      Helen Lewis 7 years ago from Florida

      Mr. Happy - you guys did - just by responding. I can keep on keeping on now... Thanks!

    • Mr. Happy profile image

      Mr. Happy 7 years ago from Toronto, Canada

      Hey, if I can save you in any way, let me know (I doubt I'm nearly that good though) ... Cheers and may the Great Spirit guide your path!

    • brightforyou profile image

      Helen Lewis 7 years ago from Florida

      Thanks saddlerider1 - I figured you could relate having read your beautiful and painful poem about the children of divorce. No, I haven't found peace. I wrote the above today. Just a big bout of self-pity... after a very long, and painful spell. Thanks for your comments. Peace to you too.

    • saddlerider1 profile image

      saddlerider1 7 years ago

      I can relate, need I say more? Thank you for reading my hub about a similar situation. As Boris Gump (Tom Hanks) clearly noted. Life is like a box of chocolates you never know what your going to get. How true. I hope you have found peace and are able to find happiness again. It's out there never give up. Sometimes it's closer than you think. Peace

    • brightforyou profile image

      Helen Lewis 7 years ago from Florida

      Thank you so much for your comments - I really didn't think I could contain the pain any longer - so just spilled it out in some words - and you answered.

      Msorreson - thank you - your comment makes me feel less like a freak and a little more normal;

      Samuel Hodges - I guess I never thought of this as pretty; just gut-wrenchingly honest - thank you for seeing something pretty in the words.

      Mr. Happy - and there I was thinking YOU were going to save me ...Only joking, I hope I can fix my heart and my will so I can carry on.

      Singlmomat52 - I need the miracle so very desperately. Been a single mom now for 450 years. Having raised 4 boys, they pretty much get on with their lives and forget you... I just shouted at "God or whoever or whatever" - thank God there is no-one else on earth like me- (I wouldn't wish this on anyone)... Thanks so much for your generosity of spirit and encouragement - you've made me feel like if nothing else, I have a 'family' on hubpages...

      So lonely today, So thank you all for your kindnesses.

    • singlmomat52 profile image

      singlmomat52 7 years ago

      It's always to soon to give up!

      Don't give up 5 minutes before the miracle!

      PUSH~Pray Until Something Happens!!

      ASAP~Always Say A Prayer!

      These are things I continue to tell myself and you must do so too. There is a reason you are here, you are special, there is no one else on this earth like you! Someone needs you, someone loves you!!

      You are blessed!! Good poem, thank you for sharing!!

    • Mr. Happy profile image

      Mr. Happy 7 years ago from Toronto, Canada

      You can save yourself from you. No?

      (Enjoyed the poem, thanks.)

    • samuel hodges profile image

      samuel hodges 7 years ago from Winston-Salem NC

      Really pretty. I like it. Deep thoughts!

    • msorensson profile image

      msorensson 7 years ago

      Lot of people would relate to this, brightforyou. One of my FB contacts was just talking about this...

      It is beautiful, the poem.

      Thank you!!


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