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Detox? - May - 2016 - Live Journal

Updated on May 23, 2016

1st

It's about 1am. Am starting to being set on the idea that it's probably time had a good attempt at a detox and fully start eating and drinking healthly, including researching anything before eating it. Or at least aim toward as best as can do.

I feel I'm doing fairly well diet-wise and have been steering in right direction, time to take it seriously, so since about 1 is last of fizzy drinks type stuff, which was pepsi max.

Going to try and also if have any pot only at other's houses and if I own my own place (hopefully one day)...

Go! Team -[ The Scene Between

Finishing last few tokes of last (again, again, again) joint. Really would probably do very well if stick to and enjoy detox plan.

The Chemical Brothers - Go

Few dimps now (leftovers), sighsmile. 'Bout 5am now.

7th - Sat

Well fair change of plans, though most going well, only treating self to some marjuiana on a weekend (about a 3/4 reduction) plus major diet changes holding well, am discovering parts of legs / arms etc that not felt before under flab, is like a wave slowly going out.

Saw Elisia and Hermione yesterday, probably my two best friends these last few years. I'd not seen Herm for a few weeks, not talking really, both pairs of friendships have seen complicated, perhaps interesting times.. Not sure at the moment how anything's going to pan out and am feeling fairly stressed and heavy with doubt.

20:58 - Got one or two joints left, this will be my first 'week' for a while, might take a while to reach an equillibirum, also might have a long gap till next time pick up see if can potentially uncloud mind, make some cash and progress before having it as an optional luxury, fingers crossed, might be a tough ride.

8th - Sun

Am also attempting to detox my Dad (bi-polar, 75) from coffee also, he has a bad habit of drinking very strong coffee when he should really instead have a nap or a sleep, meaning he becomes even more illogical and chaotic. It's a lot like living with a teenage boy.

This morning we had a second flash point in his very tired aggressive mode, he threatened to 'knock my f**king block off' and a couple of times went into a karate pose (he was unfortunately trained in Israel on the Kibutz). I lost my temper at one point and shouted loudly however I explained I wasn't going to fight him and he just needed some sleep and if he wanted to punch me what exactly was it going to achieve. Hands were a bit shakey afterwards however calmed down.

He's about a foot shorter than me and I'd easily be able to overpower him however when I've no interest in having a fight it means basically waiting to see if going to get hurt badly, the other flash point about a week ago he was brandishing a screwdriver, bleh.


10th - Tues

Just had another flash point with father, song sang as returned 'gotta fly, gotta leave, I can't take it anymore' at that moment which think might sum it up fairly well.

He'd had a coffee about half an hour earlier...

Really fed up of it, is like pyschological torture. We spent about 3 hours in the morning getting along well and doing lots of housework, soon as the coffee was added again short temper and childish idiocy appears. He rang the CPN (community pysch nurse) and played a 'funny' joke by shouting 'oh look shes not even on death's door' which as soon as I got the phone she had not found funny and asked me to tell him, as I tried to talk he started also so I nipped out into the front garden so I could hear her, he followed me out and grappled the phone off me because 'you're having a private conversation', which I wasn't.

I can deal with him being like a teenager most of the time however this toddler phase he slips into is just unbearable, it's like trying to deal with a large man-sized angry 3 year old.

I told him last night it's terrorizing him being like that, also that he'd scarred my Mum all the time and psychologically destroyed her (it took about 5 years for her to recover some) this seemed to come as news to him. He has a very selective memory where all his many many mis-deeds seem to vanish.

There's a tiny cut on my thumb, can hear somewhere in the background 'First blood!'. I wonder how much more there will be or if should just leave him to his lonely existence and remove self from situation.

Parov Stelar - The Sun (ft. Graham Candy)

11th - 5am - Weds

Completely different looking father this morning, actually looks well in skin for once, has slept well for once and the now only 1 cup a day of coffee seems to have become none, very im[pressed and shocked by the results, worrying and inspiring.

Almost like a different person suddenly emerging over very short space, bit like myself only over a longer period. Hope is dawn of new era, can't hope too much though looks like might be through worst of it like a titration period, now must look at own caffiene intake.

23rd

My Dad sank to new low other eve, brought a 'young lady' home, first time perhaps ever from a club / pub. Unfortunately smoked class A drugs in the house and he also had unprotected sex with, she IV user... Eugh.. Long tale, many tales recently must get back to journaling so can re-read how bizzare living with my Dad can be.

Still though on the plus side might have shocked him into a new humble person and listen to me more or. Had to bollock him like a teenager. Will go for full screening test at GP.

24th - 00:24

If possible it's probably best if I try to smoke as little green as possible and basically stop spending money as little as can and save for a place of my own and try to look after and visit my Dad every day or other day and at least sleep at my own place, though will be tough trying to get that kind of money together as am living, hand to mouth as they say.

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