ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Books, Literature, and Writing»
  • Commercial & Creative Writing»
  • Creative Writing»
  • Humor Writing

Diary of an Atheist Priest_4

Updated on February 27, 2018

Visiting USA and American hospitality

I feel very fragile this morning. Mrs Smythe’s husband is visiting the USA and she thought it opportune to spend the night at the vicarage. God, what an insatiable woman. And on top of it all, she seemed to be inspired by her manse surroundings as she kept quoting biblical references throughout our symposium, such as ‘get thee behind me Satan’. Very distracting for a man of God, even an atheist one.

I envy Mr Smythe. Not because he is married to such a talented, imaginative and versatile woman as Mrs Smythe, but because he is visiting a place with such genuinely wonderful people, as the USA. I have been there four times for different reasons and each time I have been captivated by the people there.

As soon as I stepped off the airplane, complete strangers treated me like a long lost brother. Even the person who stamped my passport bathed me in smiles and wanted to know about my flight, my family and my garden at home. People at the airport would smile and want to chat, appearing apologetic that they had to rash off in order not to miss their flight.

Restaurant owners in the USA stand alone. They appeared to place bets between themselves as to who would be able to stuff me with more food than the other.

Same for American Mayors. They seemed to want to give me the keys to their city and invite me home to meet the little woman and kids. When I would finally manage to tear myself away, they insisted that my absence from their city will spell irretrievable ruin for one and all and that the sunshine would go out of their lives for ever. That was a bit of exaggeration on their part I thought, but it was nice to hear anyway.

The people of Appalachia in particular captured my heart. They are called hillbillies for some reason. I can tell you that their chicken and possum gizzards with pigs feet in aspic do not deserve the unsound reputation they currently appear to enjoy. They were, in fact, delicious after a couple of pints of their excellent homemade moonshine, when one simply exists on an altogether different plane. My hosts there could not have been kinder. They gave me to understand that I stood between their happiness and black depression and they just could not do enough for me. Only the thought of my departure appeared to irritate him unspeakably.

When I finally managed to tear myself away, the sunshine appeared to go out of their lives and I could hear the wailing of the natives all the way down the hill to the train station.

I did not know that such hospitable and generous people as the Americans existed on this earth. Every time I visit there I am treated like a billionaire bachelor uncle in his nineties, ready to drop at the slightest cough. When I leave, I am given the impression that had I stayed a little longer, the people would have included me as beneficiary in their life insurance. It’s a thing of mystery and beauty.

If it wasn’t for their politicians, who, like ours, are awash in mediocrity and completely unmoored in principle, the place would be paradise on earth.

To be continued…


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • De Greek profile image

      De Greek 2 months ago from UK

      Ah... How kind. Thank you. You might like part 1 and 2, but I don't think you will like part 3. :D

    • Coffeequeeen profile image

      Louise Powles 2 months ago from Norfolk, England

      That was really interesting. I look forward to reading the next part.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: ""

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)