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Dog: Man's Best Friend Maker
Dog is man’s best friend, or so they say. Dogs really are amazing: they can spot illegal drugs and even find missing children. I know; I've been trying to hide my kids for months and he keeps finding them. Actually, I have lost several things since I got canine terribles, my money for one and the mind's not far behind.
You kind of wonder what’s going on in the mind of a dog. I have to run away from my dog to catch him. We bought him the irresistible chew toy (or so we were told), loaded with all those scents that doggies love, like peanut butter and bacon. Well, if it’s that desirable, why does he snub his nose at the toy and go for my wing-tipped Florsheims like they were Santa’s special delivery?
And, yes, there’s the money. I’m not just talking about the time that he lifted my wallet and strewed the contents from stem to stern. My driver’s license is so mangled, I looked more like Sponge Bob Square Pants—minus the jaundice—than the rightful head of my household. And then there’s the money in my wallet which was one solitary George Washington. After all those years when the Indians could not spear him, the British could not shoot him, and the French could not discredit him, the Father of his Country was shredded by the pupster within minutes. Later, we found part of the “Father of His Country” stuck with slobber to a chew toy and another part of him was floating, face down in the water bowl. Hooch: meet your rival.
No, my dog is also taking my money in creative ways. Chapter 13 is not far behind with all the fees I’m paying for shots, pills, trims. They even charge me to weigh him. I told the vet he didn’t have to weigh him; I knew exactly how much he weighed.
“How much”?, he asked.
One reason why he weighs so much is the high protein diet we now have him on. You know, the one with those doggie biscuits, doggie chow, “Bow-Wow in a Can” (don’t ask). Honestly, what kind of country has more flavors of dog food at Wal-Mart than flavors of ice cream at Baskin Robbins?
And, of course, your doggie has to be the best looking doggie on the block: doggie shampoo, doggie chains, leashes, clippers, trimmers, hedgers. Forget the grooming products—just the comfort items are enough to put you in the financial dog house: doggie pillows (scented), beds, covers, nothing but the best doggie amenities, all to be enjoyed in a canine condo. The salesman at Petsmart, who knows a sucker when he sees one, is still trying to sell me a Doggie Get-A-Way Weekend Package (every dog needs a break from the master every now and then, right?), Doggie Satellite FM Radio (where they play pop pup favorites like “How Much is That Doggie in the Window”? and “Puppy Love”), and a 90 day free membership to DogStar (so that you can locate your dog day and night).
I have to say that my circle of acquaintances has increased since I got my dog. I didn’t know the “pet vet” until I got my dog. My therapist and I are certainly communicating better now than before. And then there is Herb, the Petsmart employee that works in the Canine Hair Care Department. He lives only two blocks away. I really did not know him or some of my other neighbors before I got my dog. However, in the morning when I see other dogs walking their owners, we owners are permitted to stop and chat while our dogs sniff each other.
I’m sure there is some truth to the adage that “dog is man’s best friend” but we might add to it that “dog is man’s best friend maker.”
(Special thanks to my daughter, Megan, for the inspiration for this story)