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Don't Call Me a Writer: Fun With Words

Updated on May 15, 2012
I am NOT a writer
I am NOT a writer | Source

Don't Call Me a Horse - I'm a Unicorn

I was told the other day that it’s scary for me to call myself a writer when I trivialize the meaning of words. I won’t point fingers and I won’t name names because I don’t care to revisit the conversation OR to make a big deal out of it. And for those of you who may have seen that part of the conversation - please know that I didn’t take offense to the intended insult. I say intended because the statement was meant to insult me but it was a failure on the other person’s part. You see, I have never, ever, ever, ever referred to myself as a writer. No – I would never be so presumptuous. I think just anyone can sit down at a computer or with a notebook and “be” a writer. No, I like to think I am more of a silent speaker. Yes, that’s exactly what I am. I speak but there are no sounds. The only way to communicate the silent thoughts is to get them down in words for other people to read – or not read as it may sometimes be. Another reason the intended insult was a failure is because I do indeed have fun with words; I change their meanings, their pronunciations and their spellings all the time. I’m a nerd and that is my idea of fun.

Babysitting! | Source

When I was younger I babysat – A LOT. I remember one specific situation where a little girl, about 4, was asking for something out of the fridge. She just kept pointing at the fridge and saying mork, mork, mork. I thought she was trying to say ‘more’ so I asked what she would like more of . Again I was met with cries for mork mork mork. If I had been a mom already I would’ve known to open the fridge and have the kid point to what she wanted. But since I was only a young teenager I kept trying to understand what the poor, sweet child was saying. I opened the fridge door and touched the juice. She said no. I touched the water. She said no. I touched the fruit. She said no. I touched the cheese. She said no. I touched the milk and she got very excited. Ok, note to self. Mork is milk. Later that evening the mom came home and asked how the last few hours had gone. I told her everything was perfect once I figured out what mork was! The mom just laughed and laughed and laughed. It turned out the mom and dad thought it would be interesting to change the names of common items when they taught their children vocabulary words. They wanted to see how it turned out in the long run. Now THAT was fun.

Kids laughing
Kids laughing | Source

My children and I have come up with our own words for common items – but not because I changed the names on purpose. The new words were cute and stuck like glue. Heck, to this day I still joke and call milk mork. Below is a list of silly words my family uses that we all understand and don’t even give a second thought to.

Milk = gook

Spoon = poon

Spider = pider

Dog Hotel – Dog Huddle (don’t ask)

Dining Room = diamond room

Great toe = thumb toe

Home Depot = Homo Depot (it was an accident and stuck)

It isn’t uncommon in my house to hear someone say “Get the gook and place it on the table in the diamond room – OH CRAP I just stubbed my thumb toe!”

So to the person who said it is scary that I call myself a writer yet I trivialize words I say “Here’s a poon, you can ride it to the Dog Huddle and buy some gook!”



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    • rickzimmerman profile image

      Rick Zimmerman 

      5 years ago from Northeast Ohio

      Great hub, Ardie! For some fun with words, you might like to get into the holiday spirit with any of my more than two dozen Little-Known Santas, like:

    • Ardie profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Neverland

      PDX that’s so cute about your sister! I couldn’t say my big brother’s name either (Chris) so I changed it completely and called him Joe for several years. Kids are too funny when it comes to words. I choose to take my cue from them – I’m going to have fun with this writing stuff :)

      Weestro, learning the term Homo Depot is of extreme importance. When you have kids of your own (or when you’re babysitting nephews) you can teach them the REAL name of the hardware store. If that is the only thing you got from this Hub then I have been successful in my endeavors.

      Hi ALUR, I’m so glad this gave you a smile :) Oh my – you called me an artist?! I think I love you. I will be sure to stop in and have a look-see at your Hubs. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.

      Fullerman :) I love how you express your thought here. Even a person who cant make the words “perfect” but who still gets a point across in an interesting manner is considered a writer. Goodness – isn’t anyone who writes (even if its just the alphabet over and over) considered a writer? Im glad you enjoyed this…really!!

      Hi Barbergirl, if only I had been a mommy when I first heard mork – I woulda known what that poor kid wanted! Ya know – I almost let the insulting person get to me and then I realized I was letting the very thing that I love most hurt me…words! So I got over it hehe

      Leenamartha – lickel is soo cute! Im going to have to add that one to my list above with your permission :)

      Hello Rahul, those are all GREAT words! Thanks so much :)

    • rahul0324 profile image

      Jessee R 

      6 years ago from Gurgaon, India

      Interesting, intriguing... engrossing...

      Great read

    • leenamartha profile image

      Leena Martha 

      6 years ago from USA

      Ardie! It reminded me of how it took me years to say "little" instead of "lickel". Love your writing, so carry on....

    • barbergirl28 profile image

      Stacy Harris 

      6 years ago from Hemet, Ca

      This was great... I am not sure which part I liked better... the funny tales (which I knew immediately that mork was milk but that must be the mommy translation) or the fact that you called writing silent speaking. Love that terminology. I think I will keep with that one from now on. You are a darn good silent speaker and I am glad that this person failed at their insult! :)

    • Fullerman5000 profile image

      Ryan Fuller 

      6 years ago from Louisiana, USA

      A writer can be anyone about anything. Some people are great at it like yourself, and others may not find the right words but still make it work. Great story. I very much enjoyed this.

    • ALUR profile image


      6 years ago from USA

      First, never apologize for being the "artist" regardless of what you call yourself, a true writer is one that invokes interest, dialogue and lots of hope. Glad I ran into this hub. It prompted a smile that I needed today.

      You're welcome to visit my versatile hubs as well:)

    • weestro profile image

      Pete Fanning 

      6 years ago from Virginia

      I don't consider myself a writer either, I love the term silent speaker! This hub is awesome, even if Homo Depot is the main thing I took from it! Voted up, everywhere!

    • PDXKaraokeGuy profile image

      Justin W Price 

      6 years ago from Juneau, Alaska

      nice work, Ardie. Shared. Growing up, my sister couldn't say my name, so she called me "dut dut" she still does, even tough I'm reasonably sure she can now say "Justin" and she'll be 21 in October :-)

      Having fun with words is part of being a writer...

    • Ardie profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Neverland

      Hi Audrey :) I think words are fun too! Why bother to write if you can't have fun with it?

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 

      6 years ago from California

      Words are fun and funny! Very entertaining piece Ardie!

    • Ardie profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Neverland

      Hi there Phil, perhaps having fun with words and not taking them too seriously IS the sign of a writer :) and not the other way around as I was told not so long ago. By the way - I have seen your Hubs and yes you are indeed a writer so no worries :)

    • Phil Plasma profile image

      Phil Plasma 

      6 years ago from Montreal, Quebec

      Very funny. I don't know anything about the insult, but I too have fun with words, often. I haven't renamed any words like you have, or at least, not as much, but I do indeed enjoy word play.

      I do differ from you and call myself a writer, but perhaps that is the impetus for a new hub.

    • Ardie profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Neverland

      Hi Rolly - Im glad to give you a good laugh early! No better way to start the day, right? I dont believe you're a troll for a second. You just admitted you were kind to an elderly neighbor! Too cute - driggling

      Hi Sally thanks for reading. An uncryer hahah!! Isnt it funny how a kid's name for something can seem to make more sense than the real name? I mean seriously...a pacifier makes crying stop. She knew!

      Veronica, a smushsmash heheh that's pretty stinkin' cute! I think its good for families to have their own little language...just one more thing to bond over :)

      Thank you so so much savanahl :)

    • savanahl profile image


      6 years ago

      Great hub. Very amusing and interesting. Voted up.

    • VeronicaFarkas profile image

      Veronica Roberts 

      6 years ago from Ohio, USA

      LOL! This was a cute story w/ a great ending! I hope that that particular person stumbles upon this one! =]

      We have similar words in our house. One that I find the cutest is "smushsmash" is mustache. lol

      Up, awesome, & funny!

    • Sally's Trove profile image


      6 years ago from Southeastern Pennsylvania

      Fun hub! Full of play and creativity. Here's one my daughter came up with when she was about two: Uncryer (pacifier). :)

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image

      Rolly A Chabot 

      6 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Love this hub... had me laughing this early in the morning. Yeah! that is right Troll's laugh to you know. Love the play with words.

      Heard a good one the other day from an elderly neighbour looking for a plumber... her comment was her tap was "Driggling"

      When I questioned her I finally found out it was dripping... just to cute. I fixed it for her.

      Hugs and Blessings

    • Ardie profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Neverland

      Oh Martie – that quote is PERFECT for the situation! You are so sweet to me and such a dear – I just wish you didn’t live so far away because you deserve a hug (or two hundred) just for being you. I do tend to write in all areas…Im just not quite sure what I want to be yet when I grow up. I suppose I just dabble here and there. This is fun for me – far from a life’s calling. I have met SO MANY talented people at Hubs (you are one). I am just glad to be accepted into the folds of the group. Your final statement had me laughing so hard I had to get a tissue to dab my crying eyes! I have tried my best to stay clear of this person but if I do happen across her again I will give her the poon and send her on her way. Thanks Martie!!

      MARCY!! …tinker toy hahah That’s just too much for my simple mind to take in and NOT laugh like a kid. Poor poor you – all those stinky boys.

      Hi Millionaire Tips! I agree on both points – secret language is good for the family but changing a kid's whole vocab to not mesh with society? Well… Thanks for your tremendous support.

    • Millionaire Tips profile image

      Shasta Matova 

      6 years ago from USA

      I think that having special words that only the family uses is great for family bonding, but how awkward and frustrating for the child if the child thinks those are normal words and can't be understood! You are a writer!

    • Marcy Goodfleisch profile image

      Marcy Goodfleisch 

      6 years ago from Planet Earth

      Well, I won't tell you what my mom referred to by the term "Tinker Toy," but suffice it to say I was the only sister with three brothers.

      Cute hub - and yes, you ARE a writer!!! Voted up and funny.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 

      6 years ago from South Africa

      My goodness, who had the audacity to say it is scary that you call yourself a writer? Let me quote Napoleon Hill: "Who said it can not be done? What great victories have he to his credit to judge others accurately?"

      To hell with that critic - You ARE a writer, because you are able to use language in writing to entertain, amuse and even teach people - the people who like to read you. YOUR people, YOUR target group. Too bad, she does not fall in your target group. Too bad she was not big are small enough to get herself out of your/our group. So she made a sound, and made a fool of herself.

      Ardie, you are a terrific writer. You can make me laugh from the beginning to the end of your hubs, and sometimes you can make me cry, and let me assure you it takes a damn good writer to make me laugh or cry. You are one of the best entertainers in here. To read your 'silent thoughts' is nothing but pure pleasure.

      Yes, you have a big fan in me, and a friend and a supporter.

      This hub is hilarious. I enjoyed it so much and I am on my way to pimp it. Please, don't ever change your style. You write in different genres - poems, short stories, essays and columns (like this one), and yes, of course, there is always, for all of us, room for improvement, but your level of performance is high enough to be appreciated and admired by all true lovers of words and writings in whatever genre.

      If I had the time on my hands, I would have searched for her in order to criticize her writings with her own measure, or better, with mine in its merciless state. Obviously she doesn't love words, but only her own ability to use them.

      So yes, give her a poon - and don't forget the whip, for poonths need to be whipthed - let she ride it to the Dog Huddle and BEG some gook!


    • Ardie profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Neverland

      Ooh thanks RHW :) It takes a great writer to know one! The reason for my rant was because someone tried to tear me down when I trivialized the meaning of a word (I think it was elite...dont remember now). At first it started to bother me and then I realized the above hahah I DO make and change and shift words to my own meanings :P Always have and always will.

      Sadly I dont talk to the family I babysat for anymore. They moved out of state shortly after that episode and I never heard from them again. Somewhere there are little young adults running around asking for gook with dinner :)!!!!

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 

      6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Well - the kids are gone and it's quiet - well it was that is until I read this and was laughing my hind quarters off. I have no idea what the "writer" word dispute is but I do not consider you as a writer - you're a GREAT writer!

      I just read - what apparently YOU wrote....right here so I could read it, so I would say it's been successful thus far! Funny how people can take a word and decimate it and bend it and flex it and make so MUCH more out of it than necessary.

      Wowee! That goes out to the parents that thought it would be funny to rename every day items? Can you imagine how confused they must be to the rest of the world! Lol. I'd LOVE to hear the end of that story! Hope the lunch lady has time to point and play "what the he'll do ya mean" every day! Haha

    • Ardie profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Neverland

      Hi Cloverleaf :) I can just imagine you running around saying "aaw look at the lickle dog, look at the lickle bird" hahah too cute

      Amer View :) I never thought of pissketti spelled that way - too funny. I always just thought it was pisghetti...yah now I dont know if I can look at pasta the same either!

    • American View profile image

      American View 

      6 years ago from Plano, Texas

      Good funny hub. ids do say the darnedest things.My said

      peuter- computer

      kepach- Ketchup

      My favorite from my daughter:

      pissketti- spaghetti

      Or course I nver looked at pasta the same after that. :) Up and awesome and across the board

    • Cloverleaf profile image


      6 years ago from Calgary, AB, Canada

      A very entertaining hub, Ardie! It reminded me of how it took me years to say "little" instead of "lickel". Love your writing - keep it up! :)

    • Ardie profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Neverland

      OMG thoughtSandwiches, I never thought about poon that way hahah Alas, it doesn’t get said in our house as often. Which is a good thing now since I will always think of this comment when I hear poon :)

      Hi VictoriaLynn :) Thanks so much for all the little votey-thingees. I will take your word that I am a writer because YOU of all people should know this, right?

      SS! Thank you so much :) I didn’t know if I’d keep anyone’s interest but it was my way of getting my jab back in a passive manner. Sox, yes…that’s what I will say from now on too. Sadly, my oldest just had sex ed and now she’s calling everyone “Ed’s Sperm” or “Bob’s Sperm” because the sperm fertilized the eggs to create the person…I don’t know. Im going to have a nervous breakdown now! This kid is too much

      Hi Uninvited Writer :)Thank you and THANK YOU – I was hoping the humor would come across

      Haunty, be sure to drink your gook – its good for growing boys :P

      Alocsin, Thank you for the votes!

      ThePracticalMommy :) Lasterday is brilliant because it makes sense – more sense than yester. Thanks for the vote!

      Tillsontitan, 40 years later hahah then that means there is NO hope for my family. We will always say we killed a pider with a poon :)

      Hey Lord! Im so glad to see you around again, missed ya! I don’t know how people are in Wooster but much of Ohio can seem cold and distant. It just makes me go even more out of my way to smile and be rudely happy :)

      Cardisa, thanks girl but I’m ok with people who hide behind fake pictures to say mean things. That didn’t sound too bitter did it?! Hahah Really though – you ARE a writer. I’ve seen your work :P

      Ruchira, Thanks :) Sometimes its easier to take the high road and make fun of people to get a point made hahah aaw lisping! My littlest couldn’t say the letter S for the longest time either and that’s where we got pider and poon. So she said tool for school too! Nice to know its normal-ish

      Enlydia Listener :) HAHAHA I read that and burst out into such insane laughter that the cat ran for cover!!!! That’s good

      Feline Prophet hello again! Silent speaker – I try to sound all deep sometimes…did it work? :) I will keep silently speaking because I love it so no worries thanks for enjoying it. Deep thoughts with Ardie heheh

    • profile image

      Feline Prophet 

      6 years ago

      Silent speaker...I like the sound of that! Do continue to have fun with words, Ardie - we enjoy it! :)

    • Enlydia Listener profile image

      Enlydia Listener 

      6 years ago from trailer in the country

      my kids had a few funny one kid called his arm pit, his "arm crotch".

    • Ruchira profile image


      6 years ago from United States

      haha...Ardie. I like your sense of humor in this hub.

      I was also exposed to many nicknames when my kid was growing up and one specific one which I will always remember is..."I went to school" was said as, "I went to tool"

      Basically any word with letter S was

      more cause of

      voted up as funny!

    • Cardisa profile image

      Carolee Samuda 

      6 years ago from Jamaica

      I have been calling myself a writer since I was fifteen and I dare anyone to tell me otherwise! Why are internet people so freaking mean, who the hell do they think they are? Let me at them Ardie...just let me at them!

    • Lord De Cross profile image

      Joseph De Cross 

      6 years ago from New York

      Was thinking of Mork and Mindy, I was in Wooster OH, and I sensed the slangs and the unwelcoming of the people. I guess I didn't belong there. Your story is funny to the end. I wonder if the 'Homo' depot stuck on their employees. Never read that comment, but we all have different styles. Can you imagine James Cameron directing Mr. bean? Youg go girl!


    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 

      6 years ago from New York

      Our saying that stuck is "zip" for sip. We still say it forty years later. Your hub was very entertaining and a joy to read. Whoever said you're not a writer doesn't know how to read! Voted up and funny. Thanks for SHARING.

    • ThePracticalMommy profile image


      6 years ago from United States

      I love the words that kids come up with! Instead of 'yesterday', my son still says 'lasterday'. ;) I like your phrase "silent speaker". Phooey to those who said you aren't a writer! Voted up and sharing!

    • alocsin profile image


      6 years ago from Orange County, CA

      Thanks for this amusing start to the day. Voting this Up and Funny.

    • Haunty profile image


      6 years ago from Hungary

      Ahahah... Ok. Now I won't be able to walk into a kitchen without smiling silly. Thanks for the fun story, Ardie! :D

    • Uninvited Writer profile image

      Susan Keeping 

      6 years ago from Kitchener, Ontario

      This was excellent, made me laugh.

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 

      6 years ago from Orlando, FL

      Only a true writer could create this story and keep my attention from beginning to end. I hope the parents technique of altering the vocabulary words works out in their favor. I remember one word with my girls sex was sox. By doing that I was more comfortable talking with them about the birds and bees. Now the three of us say TMI...Haha! Voted across the board!!

    • Victoria Lynn profile image

      Victoria Lynn 

      6 years ago from Arkansas, USA

      Ardie, I gave you a vote up and all the rest of the comments on here because you piqued my interest, got my attention and kept it until the end. With some chuckles. And don't sell yourself short, girl. You ARE a writer. You've got the knack!

    • ThoughtSandwiches profile image


      6 years ago from Reno, Nevada

      Sadly, more than once my poon has gone bad and I have had to rush to the store only to find...I have to replace it with Thumb-toe gook. I mean...It's OK...but that's a TOTALLY different texture.

      My preference is for scribe...feels Mid-eval and shit...just saying...




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