Don"t Look At Me That Way

Don’t look at me that way.

Not you.

You who shared such a special part of my life

A secret part

A magic time

When we were younger

And dreams were all brand new

Life was still a mystery.

We shared a part of life and love

Filled with playfulness

On snowy days

Or hot summer nights

Laughing and dreaming

Loving and scheming.

We drifted apart

Toward different horizons

and life went on.

I didn’t have all the luck that you did,

And it wasn’t all roses,

But I’m so proud of myself to have come so far.

When I saw you, I just wanted some of the old energy

I thought you would at least remember

How much I loved to laugh with you

I thought that with you

We could share and play like we could have all the world, if we wanted, like we used to

I thought the magic would be there

But you looked at me THAT WAY

You pitied me,

You treated me like a child

And all at once

My heart was broken

I expected you to see ME, not my handicap.

So I don’t walk as well as I used to

And I’m in pain most of the time,

You kept asking me about what happened to me

Not what I’ve done or learned since then.

I wanted to talk about dreams; you talked about yours.

You didn’t ask if I had any anymore.

I am not my disability.

The longer we talked, you built that chasm between me and you.

And I let you, because I don’t have the confidence to stand up

For myself yet.

You loved me once and thought I was brilliant

You were so taken with me, you said

Now, you won’t even look me in the eyes.

You used to send me flowers for no reason at all

We couldn’t wait to spend time together

Now you are rushing through everything so this evening will end.

Before we got together tonight

We talked on the phone about how nice it was to be close again

But tonight, you couldn’t get out fast enough

And you left saying, “well, keep in touch!”

I know what it all means.

I knew what the look was all about.

I knew the one time you called me “kiddo”

You were no longer seeing “me”.

And it really hurts. Because you really meant a lot to me

And because you really did know me before this happened to me.

But you haven’t got a clue about me now.

I allowed myself a good cry over it last night. Then I got back up and headed back out into the real world where I am fighting a lot of real battles right now. I’m stronger than this, and will forget it in my daily life – only think of now and then. Because it’s a recurring theme. I guess it’s human nature, to notice someone’s disability and want to help, but not to patronize or treat someone as if they are not as smart because of it. Having a disability doesn’t necessarily turn one into a dependent.