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Don't Say 'Don't Be Stupid'

Updated on March 23, 2013

Norman Wisdom - Don't Laugh At Me (Cause I'm A Fool)

Don't say don't be stupid; nobody's stupid by choice - because anyone who chooses to be stupid would have to be stupid to make such a choice; and, if people were clever enough to choose not to be stupid, they wouldn't be stupid enough to choose to be stupid. So, why say it?

Even in cases where people are only stupid occasionally, it follows, that, as they are stupid on those occasions, they can never be clever enough, never to be stupid. So, don't say it.

Another thing - if no one is stupid by choice, why tell those who can’t help being what they are, to stop doing what it is, that makes them what they are. That's stupid! Leave them alone!

Now ‘try to be clever’, is a much more positive thing to say. Although it might not be very practical to say it to someone who's stupid, because, if being stupid, albeit occasionally, makes it impossible for them ever to be clever enough never to be stupid, they're unlikely to ever give total satisfaction, even with the best of intentions.

We must all stop telling people who can’t help being what they are, not to be what they can’t help being, because it’s not very clever, and we should try to be clever - even although those of us who can’t be clever all of the time, and are only stupid some of the time, can’t help being whatever it is we are, for any of these times, when we're being stupid.

Simple Simon Says

The Proclamation

Herewith, a campaign is proposed that a restriction order be placed on the expression ‘don't be stupid’ - which, in most instances, will be replaced by the expression ‘try to be clever’. This will be put before The House, and if passed into statute, anyone suspected of misappropriating the expression 'don't be stupid', henceforth, will be required to produce a diploma of verification of expertise in the proposed profession. This is to attest the level of competence he or she has achieved, and as proof of completion of the minimum term required in training for the practice of the aforesaid profession.

Training

This training, should accord, in principle, with the medical profession, where practitioners are required to complete ten years in training, (if they're stupid enough to get themselves stitched up with one of these dodgy new student loans) - whereby, after graduation, and in perpetuity, the profession is never fully mastered, but only practiced - wherefore, by definition, the practitioner can never be deemed fully competent.

Proof of Competence

Henceforth, in all instances where the abuse of the expression 'don't be stupid' is suspected, the suspects will be required to provide proof of competence to practice the aforesaid profession for which they shall never be deemed fully competent, specifically, the Stupidity Profession.

Certified

Furthermore, they will be required to produce at the scene of the alleged offence, a 'Certificate of Stupidity Awareness', which includes therein, an exemption from the use of the expression ‘try to be clever’ as specified in section 4, Clause 2012 of The Treaty of Morally Bankrupt Banks, Insurance Swindles, Pension Scams, and Sub-prime Redistribution of Debt and as stipulated in the Billionaires Charter of Billionaires Rights and Unassailability for Billionaires, and pertaining to The Economic Union of Closed Doors, Tax Havens, Nepotism and Patronage - in accordance with the undisclosed Government Mandate for Small Government and Big Bonuses. Whereby those uninvited, or not yet born, will be deemed liable for all costs, responsibility, and resultant forced labour - in perpetuity. Notwithstanding, that the Irish abstained, until they got it right, eventually, under economic duress - after it all hit the fan - and the Dutch almost won the World Cup, but didn't quite, for the third time, (but [apparently], it's a good place to go for a dirty weekend) - whence a lifetime of experience in stupidity should not confer the aforementioned suspects with delusions of grandeur, but shall henceforth invariably result in any proven perpetrator sustaining a slap on the head from his Mum!

Who was the wisest fool in Christendom?

See results

Comments

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    • amillar profile imageAUTHOR

      amillar 

      7 years ago from Scotland, UK

      Hi Will - we Scots have transplanted our roots to all over the Globe, and our sense of humour and fun is in the genes, no doubt. However, I think we've been guilty of worse transplantations than that in our time.

      It's nice to have you following me, and I appreciate your visit and friendly comment; sometimes pressure is a good thing.

    • WillStarr profile image

      WillStarr 

      7 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Very clever (but you knew that since you're not stupid).

      Such a sense of humor must be in the blood. I too am guilty of having a Scottish heritage, although long ago transplanted to the States.

      Now I'm following you, just to up the pressure.

    • amillar profile imageAUTHOR

      amillar 

      7 years ago from Scotland, UK

      You're going to make me wish I hadn't written this hub - perhaps even think it was stupid - but then, at least I can try to be cleverer in future; I only hope to have the capacity.

      Is it safe to check your hub?

    • profile image

      images99 

      7 years ago

      I am not stupid enough, I mean not all that much to leave you alone because you are not willing to answer my question, you may give me an answer when you find a right one and amillar I may look like one but I am not at all that big a stupid to leave the only wise man on the site alone, may be you decide to check my hub some day.Cheers.

    • amillar profile imageAUTHOR

      amillar 

      7 years ago from Scotland, UK

      Hi images99,

      I suppose I mean that even if we made a conscious decision to be stupid, we wouldn't necessarily be being stupid because we're stupid. We might be acting stupid because we're being clever; then again, we might just think we're being clever, because we're stupid. That's not to say there aren't differing degrees of stupidity or that we can't be both stupid and clever - but I don't think anyone is never stupid. However, maybe I just say all that because I'm stupid.

      Now look what you've done! I'm going to have to look up the dictionary to check what stupid means. I think I have stupidity-analysis fatigue now. Leave me alone.

    • profile image

      images99 

      7 years ago

      Who says there are no stupids by choice, there are amillar and they even get paid being one.Agree?

    • amillar profile imageAUTHOR

      amillar 

      7 years ago from Scotland, UK

      Hi Poly,

      LOL (amillar)? I just wondered if you're lol with me, or at me. It beats me, but few people seem to ask why about anything these days - unless it’s costing them money.

      Thanks for stopping by. I'll be looking out for lol(amillar).

    • Pollyannalana profile image

      Pollyannalana 

      7 years ago from US

      Yes I got it and I am stupid and I LOL and every time I said it for a month I have put amillar after it. lol(amillar) and not one person ask why, and you never saw it. lol

      We got Simple Simon Says here too.

    • amillar profile imageAUTHOR

      amillar 

      7 years ago from Scotland, UK

      Hi Tony,

      I must have been feeling sarky that day. They say it's the lowest form of wit. (So that makes them geniuses does it?)

      Thanks for looking in on me.

    • tonymac04 profile image

      Tony McGregor 

      7 years ago from South Africa

      Ha ha ha! A fun read (and good looking too!). Loved the bit about the "Morally Bankrupt Banks, Insurance Swindles, Pension Scams, and Sub-prime Redistribution of Debt"!

      Thanks for sharing.

      Love and peace

      Tony

    • amillar profile imageAUTHOR

      amillar 

      7 years ago from Scotland, UK

      Hi Alison - I think the pictures are clearer when they're smaller. (They used to say that about TV pictures; that was before HD, and it didn't take into account the cost of buying a pair of specs.) But I think a page doesn't look so boring if it's not all covered in text.

    • Alison Graham profile image

      Alison Graham 

      7 years ago from UK

      thanks for another great read - and the tip about the video capsule - I never thought of doing that, neat!

    • amillar profile imageAUTHOR

      amillar 

      7 years ago from Scotland, UK

      Hi Amanda - I suppose we could say we're too trusting to stop the process. Most of us want to trust the established order, partly because it's in our natures, partly because we were brought up to believe in the system, and partly because it's easier. Future generations might see things differently. They'll start with a clean sheet.

      But the hub wasn't planned innuendo; maybe I should describe it as written reverie.

      Many thanks for your visit; I appreciate it.

    • Amanda Severn profile image

      Amanda Severn 

      7 years ago from UK

      I like your 'treaty of morally bankrupt banks' etc. It sums up the sense of our all our tomorrows having been stitched up for us even before we were conceived. And we were too stupid to stop them!

    • amillar profile imageAUTHOR

      amillar 

      7 years ago from Scotland, UK

      Thank you ValerieH, for your kind comment - with these old songs, I think I’m going into my second teenage.

    • ValerieH profile image

      ValerieH 

      7 years ago

      How funny I love those old songs by the way. Simple Simon Says was such a silly bubblegum song but it was fun to listen to and had a nice beat such as your hub does.

    • amillar profile imageAUTHOR

      amillar 

      7 years ago from Scotland, UK

      Hi Poly I think you mean the small 'video widgets'. (Hey did ya' git the jargon?) All you do is send them to the right, with the green arrow, and they shrink themselves. You'd better leave Ricky Nelson unshrunk because I don't know how to unshrink these video widgets without editing them first.

      Were you really admitting that you can't multitask? Shame on you. You'd be able to pat your head and rub your belly if Simple Simon said.

    • Pollyannalana profile image

      Pollyannalana 

      7 years ago from US

      Well I may have gotten more out of this if I wasn't so stupid or if I hadn't been listening to Connie Francis, its like patting your head and rubbing your belly, I can't do both. I don't know how to put those small ones in, those are better unless it has a cover picture of B J Thomas or Ricky Nelson of course.

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