Dream it Possible
Walking under the sky full of twinkling stars with an essence of cool breeze gives me a soothing effect. Finally, I am allowed to breathe in a peaceful atmosphere where I belong to my family. I went into my room and sat near the window, clouds playing hide and seek with the shining moon is creating a magical effect.
Is it me who survived to stand against all those hardships coming in my way? I often pose this question to myself. Now, I felt stronger, quite contented and above all overwhelmed with joy that I started to fly, learn to shine and chase my dream because I never quit and never stop.
Present Day (Clock struck at 10.00 p.m.):
I took my precious pen given by the most loving person (my Grandfather) on earth from my cupboard and started to write my old memories.
Boarding School Time:
I was 9 years old when I got admission in a Boarding school named “Chinar Army Public School and College, Murree”. I woke up at 5.30 a.m. every morning. Got dressed and went to the classrooms. Regularity, punctuality, and discipline were the main rules to follow for everyone no matter what. Otherwise, no one can save you from punishment. I didn’t make many friends because I don’t want anybody to let know what’s happening inside me. I was in 3rd grade and the tornado inside me was not settling. People used to call me a short fuse because sometimes I became aggressive and lose temper. In sort, a notorious kind of kid.
I remember when we landed at Chinar Public School, I was unaware that I got admitted here for the coming five years to become a disciplined child. When my roommates went to sleep, I cried for hours by sitting under the shower so that nobody could see me. Every weekend, when I was allowed to have a meeting with my mother or talked on the telephone, I requested her to take me with you. But she always told me it’s for your better future. In the beginning, I had nightmares, I wanted to run away from the school but got scared of the graveyard which was right next to my school. That difficult time had left me bitter but….
Present Day (Clock struck at 12.30 a.m.):
I took a deep breath, looked at my pen and thought; only one personality understood my feelings and kept my spirits high that time and he was my best friend, my ‘Grandfather’, who gave me that pen when I hit my 13th birthday. I was in grade 7 at that time. He said, dear! This is your birthday present. Whenever you feel alone, write…write what’s inside you.
My Grandfather was the man of great personality. He was the one who intervened into the most sensitive matter when my father announced that he got married. It was such shocking news for my mother. My grandfather decided to take care of me, my sister and my mother. Although, the circumstances were not favorable and he stood still by our side.
I remember, my grandfather and I sometimes went out for a walk and he gave me some wonderful advice and I treasured those values. I wanted to share one of those here;
” No matter how famous you are, how much money you are earning, never let that get to your head and If you do, you will forget where you came from and ruin yourself in case of downfall. And even If you have a downfall, and you remember your values, you will rise back again.”
The Growing Child (Teenager):
After spending five years in boarding school, I came back home when I was 14. Things started to change. I haven’t seen an ideal relationship between my parents. I was uncomfortable in that environment. I tried to spend most of the time with my friends. Such a painful and darkest period when there was no family life and “My Grandfather” left us. He must in the world of heaven I believe. His affection, Love, and care remind me that beautiful time we used to spent together.
I closed my eyes, tears started rolling down my eyes. Grandfather! I love you and you know that. I missed you so much. I remember your warmth hug, holding my hands with great affection and kissed my forehead. I remember everything. Grandfather, I love you infinity and beyond.
In my early 17 and 18 years, I tried to get myself busy. At one point I felt I’m in love but truly speaking it was just a time being attraction and nothing else. Thought that why did I belong to such a non-stable family and this negativity is continuously causing destruction of my personality. It’s natural when there is no sincere friend or any closed blood relation, you are going to look outside who support you in the time of grief and happiness…And it’s your luck; either you find a good company or a bad one. I haven’t been close to anyone. There is no one with whom I can share my feelings. I felt all alone.
Struggling in the ‘20s:
Starting ‘20s to ‘30s was entirely a new chapter of my life where things got messed up so much that it was not easy for me to fix it.
Hey, Usman what’s up? My friend came to me while I was busy editing stuff using Windows movie maker. I usually pay tribute to the wrestling legends and saved a video on my computer. My friend told me that a film festival is coming soon.
My father rejected my idea of making a short film and he said, I must let go of this idea and focus on what he wanted from me. The discussions, arguments started and ended up on the note to turn down my idea of film making. I thought he is not ready to understand me or maybe this communication gap let my ego comes in the discussion with him. My father said, don’t waste your time, it’s better to study L.L.B or get an appropriate degree. I failed to establish a good bonding with my father, unfortunately. It might be due to the difference of opinions.
I wanted to join a film school. I did theatre, made a short film, I applied in film school and got selected in an interview but I have to stop all that because this was not acceptable to my father.
I was very aggressive in this age of ‘20s. I think a kid becomes aggressive when he witnessed aggression all around him and this behavior escalated me in serious and violent acts like smoking and suffered a weight problem. I left my home and slept on the road one night. The worst night of my life. At that time, my mind was full of negative thoughts. I wanted to run away where there is no one. I got frustrated.
Consider a child who was shattered, faced resentment, involved in some serious health issues, depressed, finished almost two packs of cigarettes a day and still can’t figure out what he wanted from life.
I submitted my will to him but didn’t submit my passion to him. After the rejection of film school, I completed my journalism degree privately. Furtively, I made a short film without any proper learning and it failed miserably. I didn’t quit. I was happy and enjoying what I was doing.
“When I run after what I think I want, my days are a furnace of stress and anxiety; if I sit in my own place of patience, what I need flows to me, and without pain. From this, I understand that what I want also wants me, is looking for me and attracting me. There is a great secret here for anyone who can grasp it.” RUMI.
Stability in Life (the early ‘30s):
I have gone through anxiety, bitterness, and depression but things changed. The energy, the spark, the strength I was miraculously getting from my passion. I was changing, I know, I was changing I think into something big. Better than before. Now, this period of my life is such a wonderful time.
I started to learn the desired knowledge and new methods to be useful in the respective field. In the beginning, things didn’t work out as I wanted them to be perfect. I did theatre. Started making short films. That time, I didn’t have enough money so I have to travel on local buses or cabs. My dream was to direct a film. And that was my passion.
I truly admire this beautiful saying;
Passion is Energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you. Oprah Winfrey.
A Family once again:
I worked hard to pursue my passion. Because I believe it will pay you back in terms of happiness and satisfaction.
Now, life gave me another opportunity to spend more time with my mother. She is a very strong woman although, she suffered a lot. I count this opportunity as a blessing because Mother’s Love is peace. My sister and my mother is my family. I am so blessed to have them in my life.
My father is not with us anymore. I don’t have complaints about him. And know that he is happy where he is. That’s life.
Present Day (Clock struck at 4.00 a.m.):
I made mistakes. I tried to learn from them. I fall. I learn to fly.
I believe everything is designed by Allah Almighty so you can learn life lessons and move forward readily. He only wants the best for you. So, don’t curse a bad experience that happened in your life.
I admire my originality. I am me. I am happy the way I am. I am Usman Mukhtar (an Actor, Director, and Cinematographer).
I believe this story gives hope, inspiration, and motivation to those who are struggling hard in pursuing their passion. When your dreams come alive, you're unstoppable.
Life is so unpredictable. Ohhh it's 4.00 o'clock...I heard a call to fajar prayers. Indeed Allah is the kind and the merciful and he knows what's best for you in life.
That's the story of one of Pakistan's celebrity named Usman Mukhtar.
He is a Pakistan's rising star. Although, it was tough but I tried to articulate his life's journey into words so that people get motivated and inspired from his struggle.