I know that most of us are shy to express our feelings to each other, it happened to me. As a matter of fact, i am yet to recover from the trauma of this experience. We live in a society where it is forbidden for a girl to be the one to approach a guy but how can i continue living this way? I have known Mike for ages and it is high time i let him know what i feel.
I could no longer stand the sight of other girls hanging around him, perhaps this crush is killing me. I then devised a way to let him know what i feel. Who say that heaven doesn’t hear prayers? It does because we both were partnered in the upcoming school biological research and this means that we will even have time together alone.
Our first day together was educative, i knew that Mike is brilliant but never knew that he is charming, full of thoughts, i mean; how do i express what i learned from him, he was so suppose to be a co researcher but i found out that he was just teaching me and this made me fall more in love with him. This research will last for two weeks and it is now five days.
I have to let him know that i love him today so that afternoon, when we got to the Library, i simply told him what i felt then gave him a love card. He thanked me and that was just it.
To cut a long story short, our presentation was the best among a total of 50 students and this brought us a bit closer to each other, one thing about Mike is that he appeared matured but he still have this childish factors in him, we were both seventeen anyway.
Our graduation was fast approaching and here i am with no words from him, we will spend time over the phone and he never for once opened up or told me that he love me too, could remember the first day he handed me a doll.
He called around 5am and asked me to come out of the house, it was unusual but i felt happy and ran outside there he was standing at our gate, he handed me a doll and a rose flower then said, “Happy Valentine”.
He entered a waiting vehicle and left while i kept standing at the gate a bit confused.
How can he just come here by this time and hand me a doll, does he think that i am a little girl? I have seen him with some girls both in the school and in the street so why is he playing games with me, perhaps i made a mistake expressing my feeling to him. It is obvious that sometimes, boys take you for granted when you do the approach which traditionally is meant for them.
This drama with Mike lasted for seven months and we both eventually graduated from college but as fate may have it, we ended being admitted in the same tertiary institute to study Micro Biology, in fact we were course mates.
I tried my best to forget about this feeling i developed for him, perhaps he is not just the right guy for me so i began keeping mu distance from him though it was hard for me to cope with especially each time i see a girl around him.
Ike turned eighteen two weeks before we left college and knew that my birthday was in October, i saw him that morning with Rose and he had a doll with him, he had this big smile on his face when he saw me but i was angry seeing Rose around him, i know that they are friends anyway but wait, does it mean that he gets the dolls from other girls and then end up giving them to me?
He walked up to me and gave me the doll and a birthday card but just as he was about to walk away, i said to him...
“Mike you have something to say”
“What” he asked
“Tell me that you love me” i said
He looked at me with a big eye, that kind of eye that brings out the big white part of the eye but instead of saying what i requested, he simply turned and walked away. I could not take it anymore, i felt like throwing the doll away but there were other students around so i held myself.
I passed the day and other days that followed crying, how can he be so cruel to me? I had no one to talk to, no one to share this pains with but after five days of crying and bettered, i found solace within myself and decided to let go of Mike. I parked all the dolls in my room, there were 17 of them so i decided to just throw them away.
The worst of all was that he didn’t even care to call to know how i was since i have missed class for five days so when i saw him that morning, he knew from my look that i wasn’t happy, he came to me and asked why i had the strange and what he will call unfamiliar look but the answer he got from me was at least what i felt he needed.
“Do not bother yourself idiot”.
I saw the surprise and shock in him but i had no option than to be cruel on him too, he has played enough games and it is just time to let go. The next two days was hell, there was no sight of him, and he didn’t come to class but how come I am seeking to know where he is when he didn’t even cared to know where I was when I missed class. The more i tried not to think of him, the more he kept coming into my thoughts.
It is now three days and he didn’t come to class so as i was walking home from school that afternoon, i heard someone call me from behind, it was him and he had a pack with him, it was wrapped so i could not figure out what he had with him but it was obvious, it is a doll, i began walking faster but he caught up with me, he held my hands and as i wanted to scream, i heard his sweet voice say;
“I am sorry if i hurt you,i will make it up to you”.
He handed me over the pack but i rejected it, it is clear, it is a doll but he pleaded me to take it, i took it from him and threw it to the other side of the road, he then left my hands and tried to cross over to pick it up, perhaps i made a mistake but i don’t love him anymore, the love is dead so i turned my back but was forced to turn by this devastating sound.
Pim Pim im!
Neither of us saw it coming and he didn’t look the opposite direction before attempting to cross over, Mike was hit by a speeding truck, i saw him about ten feet in the air as the truck crashed into a pole, he fell near the doll and was motionless.
I could not believe the sight, as blood kept pouring from his mouth, this happened within seconds and before i could put myself together, there were crowds and ambulance everywhere, i kept shouting his name and asking everyone if he is alive, i saw them cover him with a white linen and drove away in the ambulance.
The only thing left of him was the doll which had drops of his blood on it then i picked it up, i can’t explain how i left that scene but i did, i buried myself in tears and heart broken when i got home, the love of my life is gone and it was all my fault. If i had not thrown away the doll, Mike would still be alive, if i didn’t even love him at the first place, he will still be alive but here i am left alone to live the rest of my life with this guilt.
I decided to kill myself that same day because i knew that i can’t live without him, but as i wanted to get up from the bed, i matched on the doll lying on the floor, ten it made a sound, i picked it up and pressed it and to my greatest surprise, it made a sound, a statement. It said;
I love you.
I checked the whole dolls and they all were able to make such sounds, they were all electronic dolls, how come i didn’t figure this out before time? I opened the envelope that was gummed to the last doll and saw a note he wrote for me.
“Angel,i know that you love me, i love you but we have to do things the right way that is why i waited this long for us to grow so that if i ever tell you how much i love you, you will understand that i mean it from the bottom of my heart, i know that you are angry but my silence has been for our own good, this doll is here to tell you just one thing...”
Why didn’t i realize this on time, he is no longer here to see my smile and love me so i made up my mind to simply kill myself and join my love but all of a sudden, i woke and realized that i have been dreaming. What a dream i thought?
It was so real but as i was about to get up from the bed, the room door opened and my husband Mike Morris walked in.
He has been serving in Iraq and didn’t tell me that he was coming home, that morning was my 29th Birthday, he had a doll and birthday card with him. I kissed him then took the doll and pressed its stomach, and to my surprise it said I love you.
How we are spiritually connected with the ones that matters the most in our lives. And how the doll signified the true love Mike and i share.