Dreams About Mom
I can’t recall how long I’ve been having these dreams. It seems as though they have always been here.
Mom passed away August 25th, 1982 on the day my first born turned eight weeks old. I was 19 and not grown enough to lose my mother. But then, how does one become ‘grown enough’ to lose a parent?
In the months following Mom’s passing, I could still feel her presence. The phone would ring and I could hear her voice saying “Hi, it’s me!” There were several occasions I picked up the phone to call her, forgetting somehow that she wouldn’t be there to answer. I was young and still needed my Mom, and her granddaughter needed her too.
Like I said, I don’t recall when the dreams started. I’m pretty sure they came along during the first few months.
At first, the dreams were about Mom going through daily life. We would go to the grocery store together or just to get ice cream. She would come over and visit the baby. In these first dreams, she was still very much alive. After some time, I had fewer and fewer dreams of Mom. I suppose I had come to accept that she was gone. Of course, the dreams never stopped, they just seemed to take on a different theme as time progressed. But for many years, she was still living in the dreams.
Then things changed and I didn’t pay much attention to it at first. I would wake and recall that I had dreamed of her, but I didn’t dwell on it. One evening, I was talking to my boyfriend about a dream I had had, and in telling him, I realized how Mom had changed in the dreams. Instead of being alive, she always seemed to be observing. She would sit in a room while others would watch television and talk. Or she would sit at the table while I was cooking. But she would simply sit, never moving or talking just simply watching. She always seemed to be a little restless or nervous, but not too much. The people in the dreams would not see her sitting there, and even if I was in the dream, I seemed to be looking in on the scenes, as if watching.
I began to wonder why I was having this type of dream. Was Mom trying to communicate something to me? Did she perhaps have unfinished business? I talked endlessly to my boyfriend about this. He is a very spiritual person and I hoped his input would help me to figure this out. During this time in my life, my Faith had increased tenfold and I believe this helped me see things more clearly.
My boyfriend and I came to the conclusion that Mom was watching over us, like an Angel, making sure everything was okay. After reaching this conclusion, I had dreams about her for several nights in a row. I thought about the dreams during the day. I analyzed and thought about them more and more, yet I could not find anything that made more sense than Mom being an Angel. So I accepted that as truth.
As soon as I accepted this as truth, the dreams took another turn. Mom was not living in the dreams, nor was she merely present. She became the Angel, an Angel in white, literally floating through my dreams. She seemed content and at peace.
I no longer have dreams about her. In place of the dreams, I feel Mom here, in my day to day life. I always feel as though she is looking over my shoulder, in a good way of course. I feel her presence here when my grandchildren are playing in the yard or when I’m sitting and having a simple conversation. Having her here this way has given me a certain peacefulness that I cannot put into words.
August is approaching and 2012 will be 30 years Mom has been gone. But I realize now, she is only gone physically. I have no doubt she is still here spiritually.