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Dying Lights (The Break-up Poem)

Updated on October 25, 2016
Jodah profile image

John has been writing poetry since his school days. He was awarded "Poet of the Year 2014" Hubby Awards and has had two poems become songs.

This poem was also written as part of the "Poem Challenge" hub by Sunny River. If you haven't already done so, I urge you to check out that hub and participate. It's a great way to bring hubbers together, and offers some very good titles to create poems around. This is my third.

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Dying Lights

I My heart skipped a beat

As I turned into the street

Saw a taxi

In front of the curb.


I saw you step out

From the door of our house,

A suitcase

In each of your hands.


I quickly jumped out,

Asking, "What's this about?'

A questioning frown

On my face.


"it's over!" you said,

"Our marriage is dead."

Then turned

And got into the cab.


I tried to ask, "Why?"

But my words seemed to die,

Like my heart

That had perished inside.


As my love left that night,

With the cab's dying lights,

I just stared

Not believing the truth.


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    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      3 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you for reading and your kind comment Suzette. Fortunately the narrator is not me.

    • profile image

      suzettenaples 

      3 years ago

      How sad! But this is beautifully written. I feel for the narrator and his/her heart breaking.

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      4 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Wow Suzanne, sorry that happened to you. Sounds like it was sudden, but I'm sure you are better off. Thanks for your kind comment and vote up.( A friend's husband has just suddenly up and left, thrown his job in and run off)

    • Suzanne Day profile image

      Suzanne Day 

      4 years ago from Melbourne, Victoria, Australia

      Sounds just like what happened to me! I only cooked and cleaned, worked my bum off, paid for childcare and did everything and the idiot sat on the couch depressed until one day he woke up and said "I don't love you" and took off. Don't you just hate immature people? Very clear and easy to read poem - voted interesting and up.

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      4 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Yes teaches, you are right, it would be heart breaking. Glad I captured it well. Thanks for your kind comment.

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 

      4 years ago

      YOu have made the emotional experience tied to this type of situation so real with your words. I can't imagine how devastating this would be to hear, but here it is visually as well.

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      4 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you for reading this loveofnight, I appreciate your comments, and I agree that great poets do tap into their painful experiences to make their poetry special

    • loveofnight profile image

      loveofnight 

      4 years ago from Baltimore, Maryland

      You did a good job with this one, I was not expecting her to leave or should I say I was hoping. The photos included really brought the whole thing home. I believe that the greatest poets write from a realm of pain (even their happy poems) maybe that is why they are so good. Thanks for the share.

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      4 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Yes Nell, made me tear up just writing it...lol

      Glad you enjoyed it though, thanks for voting up and sharing.

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 

      4 years ago from England

      This was a sad poem, but so true for many people, voted and shared!

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      4 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you Eric, I love those words...lol

    • Eric Flynn profile image

      Eric Wayne Flynn 

      4 years ago from Providence, Rhode Island

      Voted up

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      4 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks so much Eddy. Love getting your comments.

    • Eiddwen profile image

      Eiddwen 

      4 years ago from Wales

      Oh so sad and so wonderfully created. Vote up and shared.

      Eddy.

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      4 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you for your kind comment FlourishAnyway, and the vote up etc.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 

      4 years ago from USA

      This is written so well that I can place myself right in the narrator's shoes, although I've never been there. Voted up and more. Very nice.

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      4 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Hi Jo, Thanks for reading this and your kind words. It's what us poets strive for...to touch people, sometimes to make them happy, other times sad. Thank you for voting up and sharing.

    • tobusiness profile image

      Jo Alexis-Hagues 

      4 years ago from Lincolnshire, U.K

      This poem flows like a dream, but it hurts so bad! Fiction or not, this is very touching. Nice work, voting up and sharing.

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      4 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Hi again Kim, Thanks for the invitation to visit your avatar anytime. I may just do that. Your own hair sounds nice too though. Cool, me...but I'm a geek..haha? I'll just be patient for your challenge poem, sure it will be worth the wait.

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      4 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thanks Suzette, fortunately, in my case this is fiction, though I think many can relate. I couldn't have wished for any greater compliments than those you gave. Appreciated.

    • ocfireflies profile image

      ocfireflies 

      4 years ago from North Carolina

      Jodah,

      You are a sweetheart. In case it takes me awhile to meet the challenge, feel free to visit my avatar any time. My actual hair is very long and straight with maybe a touch or natural curl, nothing like the avatar's hair. Smiles.

      Thanks for being such a cool guy.

      Kim

    • suzettenaples profile image

      Suzette Walker 

      4 years ago from Taos, NM

      Oh so sad! But, so beautifully written. The meter and rhyme is wonderful in this poem. I hope this has never really happened to you - I hope this is fiction.

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      4 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Aw Kim, you are too kind. Your comments 'rock'. Thanks for the vote up and share, and I can't wait to see what you come up with for Sunny's poets challenge. Will give me a chance just to see Clarinet Seymour and her amazing hair again.

    • ocfireflies profile image

      ocfireflies 

      4 years ago from North Carolina

      Jodah,

      I, too am wanting to join Sunny's challenge. You sir, with this poem, have risen to the challenge and more. This is awesome work. Definite V+/Share. Great Work!

      Much Enjoyed,

      Kim

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      4 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Thank you Linda for the wonderful comments. glad you enjoyed, and yes I'm glad it's fiction too.

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 

      4 years ago from Minnesota

      You did yourself proud Jodah with this prompt. I love the photo's, the quotes and that beautiful heart-wrenching poem. So glad this is fiction.

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      4 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Yes do it jhamann, I have written poems from three of her suggested titles already...good burst of inspiration. Thanks for your comment.

    • jhamann profile image

      Jamie Lee Hamann 

      4 years ago from Reno NV

      Awesome! I think I will check this Sunny River's challenge. Sounds like fun.. jamie

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      4 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Yes drbj, fortunately it was journalistic. My wife has been away for three weeks, but purely for family reasons...she hasn't left me. However, I guess it's a little like being an actor. Being alone, I was able to put myself into character for this poem...and feel the hurt.

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 

      4 years ago from south Florida

      Wow, I felt your pain with this one, Jodah. Hope it was strictly a journalistic device.

    • Jodah profile imageAUTHOR

      John Hansen 

      4 years ago from Queensland Australia

      That's true kidscraft, The reality is that love can be painful, and there aren't always happy endings. Thanks.

      Thank you Sunny River, for your generous words....had a bit of trouble with that last stanza too.

    • Sunny River profile image

      Sunny River 

      4 years ago from A Place Without A Name which resides somewhere between Fantasy and Belief, just north of Reality

      Oh wow. Powerful and so sad. That last stanza really got me.

    • kidscrafts profile image

      kidscrafts 

      4 years ago from Ottawa, Canada

      Too sad that it had to come to that :-( I suppose not all the love stories have a happy ending ;-)

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