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Employment Opportunities for Cigarettes Dwindling
Smoking cessation hard on cigarettes
The recent trends toward smoking cessation have left a lot of cigarettes without a job. The situation is reaching the critical stage for much of the ever decreasing tobacco population. These massive job losses have prompted many cigarettes to seek alternate employment, and not always to their benefit. Studies show that outside of wreaking death and destruction on smokers, there is not much in the job market for cigarettes to do. Any sunny day, you can find entire groups of cigarettes lounging in the sand on the beach because they can't find jobs.
Brushes with the Law
Unfortunately, idle hands are the devil's workshop, and many cigarettes have ended up in jail. Sometimes for breaking the law and other times for lack of anything better to do with their time. A cigarette needs to be resourceful to avoid the downward spiral, and be willing to look at nontraditional employment opportunities. They are few, but they can be found.
Dancing in a chorus line
Not all cigarettes have succumbed to the shrinking job market. Some enterprising individuals have found new careers, usually in the entertainment industry, such as the chorus line featured in the photo.
Because of their light weight and slender physiques, most cigarettes make excellent cheerleaders.
Lounge singing nets a set wage in addition to tips for this cigarette. She says, "It pays the bills. But at the end of the night I feel really burnt out and go home smelling like smoke." Still, it's better than standing in line at the unemployment office, she states.
Some of the cigarettes interviewed said they paired up with a co-worker, such as a blindfold, and nabbed some freelance gigs here and there on firing squads. "Work share is an option," said one coffin nail.
Brooding artist prop
Not a bad way to make a living is how one cigarette described this job. "You just hang around in an artist's mouth all day, watch him paint, and give him that dark and brooding look. He forgets I'm there for hours at a time, sometimes even forgets to light me. I've had worse jobs."
Of course, every cigarette's dream job is going to Hollywood to be a movie star. "A lot of us go out there and get our butts kicked, but every once in a while, one of us gets lucky and is cast in a major motion picture," said one cigarette. He advises against getting overly optimistic, though.
"A lot of us just end up getting crushed by the industry," he said sadly.