- Books, Literature, and Writing
End Unfolds Itself
“Wouldn't it be a betrayal, a sort of”, she doubts.
Moments which have been denied its fair share of joy and happiness in the past?
If I’m going to forget those memories, then I would never be able to accept you in this life?
She catches her breath again.
She seems to be like two different persons with one heart and two minds in a single body.
Anita: There is not much to choose how I react.
She has done enough to make sure that the conversation is heading in one direction- past, not future anytime soon.
Ketan: You know me better.
Anita: I’m going to do what I do the best.
I’m going to jump straight into past and put this in perspective when we could have taken this relationship to some place.
But it never happened, and so would this moment.
I’m not going to fall for this meeting-here-today because we happen to meet, out of unexpectedness.
She is pretty clear in her head. It is like holding a crystal ball with her future not only tied to the past but kept hostage there.
She begins with her heart set on fire.
“It is destiny playing us again”.
Where were the signs?
She is shouting. But whom is she shouting at.
She is standing alone. There is no one around. She has let herself out, exact to how her thoughts have let themselves.
She has encountered a strange creature. It is a puzzle. Her persistent efforts to demystify the object are causing excessive damage, in unspoken ways. She is getting pulled off from her own body with a view to pacify the situation.
In the war of heart and mind, she is going to lose it.
Anita: Us standing here: without a clue, willing to make a fool of oneself only once the other person is done doing so, afraid of showing the scars, the same ones which are our best bet to gain.
Anita: We have again been played here. The Anita in you and the Ketan in me have long dealt with it.
This meeting is a rehearsal of a) what the future should look alike b) how our past was. Holding two people, with and against their wishes
Anita: The pain of knowing what you want and not making it happen- what do you have to say about it.
How many times do you expect me to lose over a lost thing?
The constant state of denial is making it difficult for Ketan to believe whether she is really denying it or she doubts the origin of this meeting.
He is certain that Anita has reached a point in her life, or maybe in the series of meetings- where the thought of keeping something, be it painful memories of yet-to-be finished past is meaningful than a faint hope of turning them into reality.
He remembers what she said at the beginning: Rewind and refresh the memory cycle.
Anita: The last time we met, there was no such impetus. This is going to be another great escape we are going to perform.
I’m not concerned how this is going to end. I’m a bit worried about maintaining a level of sanity after what happened last time.
I kept on looking like the human definition of beer can sucked of every ounce of life.
My presence was taken for an invisible ghost in the town. I was afraid of approaching the strangers, even the ones who had not been asked since their great grandfathers went out on deer hunting.
The steam is off. Her thoughts have poured down like any other rainy day. A rainy day you would not remember for long.
End Unfolds Itself!
"When you meet someone unplanned, you run into the risk of showing them the ugly side of how terribly the presence was missed. And self-damaging too!
We wish for one such meeting where we want to ask every single question ever occurred to the human mind of ours, in a polite way. Did we forget to mention we want this meeting to be planned"?
“We could have run only this far where we come falling back into one another’s arms”.
(Both the characters are meeting after a couple of years).
Ketan: Guess, we both have met again.
“This is weird”, he chuckles.
Anita: Super weird.
It seems though our eyes have recognized us at the first sight, mind is still working on ‘rewind and refresh the memory cycle’ section.
I can see a lot of questions coming our way, unapologetic behavior awaiting us.
You won’t mind me being rude or showing little inclination towards interesting theories you have in mind.
Her voice is carrying anger. She cannot understand how her heart is opening up to him. She is felling uneasy at the thought of being asked to forget everything- the way her heart is functioning now.
Some people cannot put a strong case in defense. They have a clear vision in the head but the moment they start talking it all goes boom boom boom. There are a couple of misfired shots, targets missed, causalities suffered etc.
The best you can do is to present a fair account of yourself.
Ketan: I’m not denying that things were meant to be better last time and other times we had met before.
The ‘I’ in we- was just what the other ‘I’ was for.
Both of us have this horrifying belief in the notion: We are not afraid of losing someone because we know whenever we want them they would be standing there, forever.
The sentence was not even completed, when he reacts suddenly and hugs her. He is holding her in his arms tightly. His arms are not even letting the air pass through it.
She was not prepared.
Rather none of them were!
It was difficult to say what possibly could have pushed such a response through the pipe.
Ketan: This meeting, today, has happened out of the growing, impounding desire, silently working in our hearts, without taking us into confidence, to meet.
Since we were not aware, we are acting like strangers.
Ketan: You've been critical of this meeting- for it not being planned.
This is an unplanned meeting. Yes, but not everything is beyond our control.
“Your memory has impaired the vision skills of eyes” he knew what he was talking about.
He, at last, has brought the point.
To make sure we do not repeat ourselves: one has to forget the past and the other to forsake the future.
He does not know where all he is getting this ‘stuff to talk about’ from. He knows that whatever he has said points out towards one thing: an unplanned meeting could not have been planned better.
The difficult bit is that he has not been able to say it directly and in straight words.
What if she was looking for a formal acceptance of love?
He was also sure saying “I love you” would have only damaged things, today.
Ketan: I know, she would not let me go off the hook.
He was dying to hear something from her. She would probably not like to say anything, he was aware of her state of mind.
Anita: I've dearly kept the memory of old days. It has grown bigger than any reason why things didn't work, what went wrong. I would only give up on these memories for a chance to plan the last meeting, to say a perfect little good-bye. The last chance of planning the meeting, or else, I may not be able to let you enter my life, with pending moments, 1-2-3 before you reach here (to the present meeting), and provide assurance of doing something.
She was always worried of reaching this point in conversation.
She had to put this piece of information on the table. There was no way it could have been missed or done some other time. Both of them were waiting for this moment.
There was a certain anxiousness in their behavior and that of surroundings too. They have played their parts knowing where it was taking them. They knew this was the end. The thing which none of them was sure how does it feel.
How end unfolds itself?
They have gambled their lives, risked their hearts and gave-up on happiness to get a glimpse of it.
Once you reach an end, it unfolds itself.
You would be able to pick-up the directions. Some would like to say it has moved from backwards to upwards. The ending has justified how they have been living life for years now.
Others take it to be always moving in one direction- up and ahead.
The end unfolds itself and you get to choose the directions for future.
Ketan: I believe if something is not working, something which has always looked obvious, then you should consider yourself lucky of knowing what you want in life.
Please do not take the blank nature of meeting to be a negative. Whatever is written on it, we are going to write it today. We are already here.
You would be able to make sense, make something out of every single meeting we had in the past. But not this one! This meeting would not make sense to anybody who has met the person they want to spend the rest of life with, kept on missing the chances, only numbers know how many times, till they meet here again.
May be, it is nature’s way of telling us: You had confidence in destiny, but not in us.