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What I've Discovered In My Forties: An Epiphany

Updated on August 8, 2017

An Epiphany

© 2015 Missy Smith

Most of my poems come to me as epiphanies; thoughts that I have to ponder, thoughts that I want to reveal and write about. Poetry has become that venue of writing for me to do this. My thoughts are sometimes hard to explain in words, but I have found a beautiful lyrical way with poetry.

This poem is actually my thoughts that have passed through my mind on and off since I have skipped into my forties. It’s been both hard and easy to be forty something. It’s been quite a weird and wonderful thing all at the same time.

Being 43 now, I have had such ups and downs. When I turned 40, I was extremely depressed. I had been single for like four years at least, with no prospects, then another year passed and the same; I was still struggling along raising my kids and trying to keep their lives and mine in balance. Another year passed and another, as before, I looked back and realized I was maybe in the identical place in life; single and keeping heads above water, trudging on through life, but I also realized that I had really appreciated the woman I had become.

I’m lonely, of course, in a lot of ways, but in a lot of other ways I am not. I have my children who are growing up to be smart and beautiful, I can say I have done a terrific job all by myself. I have met and made so many friends from around the world that has sincerely taken the time to tell me how special I am, and I appreciate that so much.

The truth is, I think I have always searched for myself, never truly finding a complete me, but now, at this age; I feel myself; I feel who I am; I know who I am. Most importantly, I really like who I am. I’m thankful for the place I dwell in now.

This poem is about wanting to have this time in my life stand still, finally knowing who I am; I don’t want to rush forward. I would just like to take my time and reflect on everything life is for me right now. This was my inspiration; my epiphany.

There will be an extra poem connected to mine in this hub. My good friend Kai, from Amsterdam, has since taken an interest in writing his thoughts. I actually think I can be credited a little with his new vision. I hope I had a little part in it anyway. He doesn’t think his writing is poetry, but I tend to disagree. I think it is, I think it’s wonderful. So, I wanted to introduce his talent here, where I knew that he would be welcomed with open eyes and truthful thoughts.

I would like to encourage anyone, if you have thoughts that you want and need to express, write them down, you never know what it will do for your soul. And, who knows, you might just find out you are a poet and didn’t know it!

I love these words of wisdom about getting older.

41 Years Old

Source

41 Years Old

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Real Beauty Comes With Age

© 2015 Missy Smith

If I could just pause time

and remain where I’m at

today…


see, it’s not that I don’t

like my age, I’m really

pleased I’m 43.


I like the wisdom that I’ve

acquired, and the little fine

lines around my eyes.


The start of those

light-colored brown

spots stamped on my

hands, don’t really bother

me at this extent.


After all, they could still

be confused for a pretty

little beauty mark or a

cute freckle or two.


I quite like it here in this

perfect place of not too

young, and not so old;

the middle is the best

you know…


A flawless mix of class

and vibrancy. A younger

woman’s heart beating in

an older woman’s soul,

when you think about it that

way, it’s like I have discovered

a lot of gold.


Nevertheless, I must go on

and gather more things in

order to craft within myself

an antique masterpiece.



42 Years Old

Source

42 Years Old

Source

My Reflection

The 40s are so weird;

they can make you very

happy, then again, carry

a vast of dark future

impressions.


Pleased with this place of

balance, but feared because

It’s just a stop on the way to

his palace.


I wonder, when I leave

this age, what then?

The 50s of white, the

60s of gray, will the

70s and 80s be my

blackest days?


Will I even make it to

that stage? We all know

our days are not promised.

I bet it comes clearer when

our 40s are over.


I imagine myself looking

through the mirror, when

I’m all tired and full of

wrinkles.


My spirit of youth finally

gone and wondering how

much longer I will have to

hold on.


I cry when I see my

reflection staring back,

knowing my age is not

why I weep, Instead it’s

all those precious

memories I keep.


The people I’ve already

lost through the years will

be accompanied by others

that I will miss so dear.

July 2015 43 years old

Source

August 2015 43 years old

Source

Time Stand Still

This is my endearment of life

that I have seen, the survival

of years that now seem pristine.


Time, please take it slow

and let me live here if just

a little while longer.

I promise I won’t tarry, and

I’ll leave when I outta.


I want to grasp this time

during my life halfway down

the finish line.


As there will be no other

decade that I can cherish

for this sweet and complete,

perfection will eventually

perish.

Source
Source
Source

RESIDUE; An Introduction

© 2015 Kai Baldewsingh

The many guns that

have been fired that

stray shots around

our existence, residue

that has stained our

very uniqueness.


The smell which makes

you think back, the smell

that makes you feel sick

to your stomach, those

endless flashbacks of

moments that you have

done and what you

could’ve done.


All those timeless moments

that we should eradicate

from our existence.


Blood-red stains covered

all over our fresh white soul,

changing us in time.


How many tears have we

shed? And was it all worth it?


Where is our white fresh soul

at? It’s nowhere to be found.


As our innocence has gotten

Stained by this world.

Your soul has turned dark.

Not by experience…but

Simply by time itself.


As our body rots with age,

Our soul withers just as

equally, even though this

Body is just a cage.


However, we shouldn’t lose

heart. At this point, we’re

all better than that, everyone

was born with a much greater

purpose than just that.


Life is a residue that stains our

Mind and soul, but our heart

survives it all, and will exist to

do so much more.

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    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 2 years ago from Florida

      Your comments are just so sweet pstraubie48, and you just don't know how much I appreciate them, and you taking time out to post to me. You are an angel yourself for sure! Thank You! :)

    • pstraubie48 profile image

      Patricia Scott 2 years ago from sunny Florida

      Liking ourselves, no matter, the age...now that is the key, after all, is it not?

      Each new decade brings on something new and wondrous to embrace and revel in.

      So delighted to read that you, Missy, are liking who you are and enjoying your life.

      Angels are once again headed your way.

      Mary's story was sweet....

      ps

    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 2 years ago from Florida

      You know, I was just thinking lately how I may not look as good as I did when I was younger, but I certainly like myself more. Thanks aviannovice!

    • aviannovice profile image

      Deb Hirt 2 years ago from Stillwater, OK

      We all get to that world of discovery, and sometimes it really is best that we travel those roads without a partner, in order for us to see exactly where we are going. Where we have been is the easy part, as we learn to discover how to use the tools that we have always had at our disposal. Time is really on your side, not to worry.

      Kai should be doing his writing on here! He has a lot to say, and he will learn more as he goes.

    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 2 years ago from Florida

      Oh, that would be a good title if I were to publish a book of poetry one day wouldn't it? Thanks for that idea. I think maybe when I have a lot of poetry under my belt, I may just publish a book. :) Thanks for all the great comments and encouragement Frank. :)

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 2 years ago from Shelton

      a wonderful collection of poetry.. Epiphanies would be a good title for this little collection.. awesome

    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 2 years ago from Florida

      Yes, it is emotional to get on in age. However, I try my best to look at it in a positive way. I think I find a lot of positive things when I really sit down and think about how my journey has been thus far. It's exciting to have made it to where I'm at. I feel you will find the same feeling when you turn 60. It could be the best time of your life!! :)

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 2 years ago from Riga, Latvia

      An emotional journey of the heart. The years do pass too quickly. I have one more birthday to go and then the clock changes to 60. Time to reflect in 2016 before that happens the following year.

    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 2 years ago from Florida

      Yes, Faith, I think Kai doesn't like to be noticed too much. I don't push him. I've asked him to join us here, but he shows no interest. So, as long as he keeps writing, and from time to time will let me post his work, I'm fine with how he feels. He may change in the future. It took me some time to get comfortable in the process of letting my feelings show.

      As for grandchildren, I'm sure I will love that when it happens. However, there is something I can say for sure since I had my children at a later age, and that is; I will actually be a real grandma when it happens. I hope I still have energy to play with and spoil them.

      As far as my age, I think I am settling down finally, and will be able to enjoy the process. :)

    • Faith Reaper profile image

      Faith Reaper 2 years ago from southern USA

      Missy, thank you for sharing your epiphany in your wonderful poems. I have a surprise for you, the decade of 40s is not the final frontier, as I have found to be true. I look back at photos of myself when in my 30s and a little in the 40s and see someone who was filed with anxiety and worry, but now I think I look better than I did 20 years ago LOL and I think it is because I have learned the secret of not sweating the little stuff or the unknown. Especially after having been healed of cancer, I think a peace is in my life now and it reflects in my overall health and wellbeing. Of course hairstyles and with age comes wisdom as to eating healthier and such which does lend itself to looking and feeling younger. My son made me a grandmother while I was still in my 40s and I will be honest, I was not too thrilled, but now I can't imagine living in this world without knowing of that special love that only a grandmother knows of ...it is beyond anything that I can describe and I think it has helped to keep my mind and body young. So, I look forward to the day you too know of such great love. Of course, we love our children, but there is just something grand about the grandchildren.

      Your friend certainly is a poet in my mind. He should check out all of the sites solely for poets, or we will certainly welcome him here on HP!

      Beautiful poetry.

    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 2 years ago from Florida

      Yeah, you know Dana; I really like who I am at this age. Better than I have ever liked myself through the years. I feel really complete now. I feel I have settled into the person I am. I think the depression part for me was worrying that it would go fast now, and it hasn't been so slow, but I'm going to try to grow old gracefully with no worries. :)

    • Dana Tate profile image

      Dana Tate 2 years ago from LOS ANGELES

      I was also depressed when I turned 40 but I have come to love it. I can honestly say my forties are the best times of my life.

    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 2 years ago from Florida

      Thank you Jodah. I think Kai is talented as well. I'm not sure he thinks so, but I know if he keeps at it he will get better and better. I hope I have gotten better, I'm actually still a newbie at this poetry thing myself. :)

    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 2 years ago from Florida

      Thank you whonunuwho. Blessings to you as well. :)

    • Missy Smith profile image
      Author

      Missy Smith 2 years ago from Florida

      Thank you so much, Shaloo Walia! :)

    • whonunuwho profile image

      whonunuwho 2 years ago from United States

      Very nice work Missy my friend and blessings. whonu

    • profile image

      shaloo walia 2 years ago

      beautiful poems...you have a gift with words!

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Once again you bare your heart and soul in your writing Missy. Great hub and poetry from both you and Kai. He is definitely a poet also and thanks for sharing his work.