What I've Discovered In My Forties: An Epiphany
An Epiphany
© 2015 Missy Smith
Most of my poems come to me as epiphanies; thoughts that I have to ponder, thoughts that I want to reveal and write about. Poetry has become that venue of writing for me to do this. My thoughts are sometimes hard to explain in words, but I have found a beautiful lyrical way with poetry.
This poem is actually my thoughts that have passed through my mind on and off since I have skipped into my forties. It’s been both hard and easy to be forty something. It’s been quite a weird and wonderful thing all at the same time.
Being 43 now, I have had such ups and downs. When I turned 40, I was extremely depressed. I had been single for like four years at least, with no prospects, then another year passed and the same; I was still struggling along raising my kids and trying to keep their lives and mine in balance. Another year passed and another, as before, I looked back and realized I was maybe in the identical place in life; single and keeping heads above water, trudging on through life, but I also realized that I had really appreciated the woman I had become.
I’m lonely, of course, in a lot of ways, but in a lot of other ways I am not. I have my children who are growing up to be smart and beautiful, I can say I have done a terrific job all by myself. I have met and made so many friends from around the world that has sincerely taken the time to tell me how special I am, and I appreciate that so much.
The truth is, I think I have always searched for myself, never truly finding a complete me, but now, at this age; I feel myself; I feel who I am; I know who I am. Most importantly, I really like who I am. I’m thankful for the place I dwell in now.
This poem is about wanting to have this time in my life stand still, finally knowing who I am; I don’t want to rush forward. I would just like to take my time and reflect on everything life is for me right now. This was my inspiration; my epiphany.
There will be an extra poem connected to mine in this hub. My good friend Kai, from Amsterdam, has since taken an interest in writing his thoughts. I actually think I can be credited a little with his new vision. I hope I had a little part in it anyway. He doesn’t think his writing is poetry, but I tend to disagree. I think it is, I think it’s wonderful. So, I wanted to introduce his talent here, where I knew that he would be welcomed with open eyes and truthful thoughts.
I would like to encourage anyone, if you have thoughts that you want and need to express, write them down, you never know what it will do for your soul. And, who knows, you might just find out you are a poet and didn’t know it!
I love these words of wisdom about getting older.
41 Years Old
41 Years Old
Real Beauty Comes With Age
© 2015 Missy Smith
If I could just pause time
and remain where I’m at
today…
see, it’s not that I don’t
like my age, I’m really
pleased I’m 43.
I like the wisdom that I’ve
acquired, and the little fine
lines around my eyes.
The start of those
light-colored brown
spots stamped on my
hands, don’t really bother
me at this extent.
After all, they could still
be confused for a pretty
little beauty mark or a
cute freckle or two.
I quite like it here in this
perfect place of not too
young, and not so old;
the middle is the best
you know…
A flawless mix of class
and vibrancy. A younger
woman’s heart beating in
an older woman’s soul,
when you think about it that
way, it’s like I have discovered
a lot of gold.
Nevertheless, I must go on
and gather more things in
order to craft within myself
an antique masterpiece.
42 Years Old
42 Years Old
My Reflection
The 40s are so weird;
they can make you very
happy, then again, carry
a vast of dark future
impressions.
Pleased with this place of
balance, but feared because
It’s just a stop on the way to
his palace.
I wonder, when I leave
this age, what then?
The 50s of white, the
60s of gray, will the
70s and 80s be my
blackest days?
Will I even make it to
that stage? We all know
our days are not promised.
I bet it comes clearer when
our 40s are over.
I imagine myself looking
through the mirror, when
I’m all tired and full of
wrinkles.
My spirit of youth finally
gone and wondering how
much longer I will have to
hold on.
I cry when I see my
reflection staring back,
knowing my age is not
why I weep, Instead it’s
all those precious
memories I keep.
The people I’ve already
lost through the years will
be accompanied by others
that I will miss so dear.
July 2015 43 years old
August 2015 43 years old
Time Stand Still
This is my endearment of life
that I have seen, the survival
of years that now seem pristine.
Time, please take it slow
and let me live here if just
a little while longer.
I promise I won’t tarry, and
I’ll leave when I outta.
I want to grasp this time
during my life halfway down
the finish line.
As there will be no other
decade that I can cherish
for this sweet and complete,
perfection will eventually
perish.
RESIDUE; An Introduction
© 2015 Kai Baldewsingh
The many guns that
have been fired that
stray shots around
our existence, residue
that has stained our
very uniqueness.
The smell which makes
you think back, the smell
that makes you feel sick
to your stomach, those
endless flashbacks of
moments that you have
done and what you
could’ve done.
All those timeless moments
that we should eradicate
from our existence.
Blood-red stains covered
all over our fresh white soul,
changing us in time.
How many tears have we
shed? And was it all worth it?
Where is our white fresh soul
at? It’s nowhere to be found.
As our innocence has gotten
Stained by this world.
Your soul has turned dark.
Not by experience…but
Simply by time itself.
As our body rots with age,
Our soul withers just as
equally, even though this
Body is just a cage.
However, we shouldn’t lose
heart. At this point, we’re
all better than that, everyone
was born with a much greater
purpose than just that.
Life is a residue that stains our
Mind and soul, but our heart
survives it all, and will exist to
do so much more.
Comments
Wow I love all your connections through the ages and delightful touches of detail and the video were quite interesting
- AUTHOR
Your comments are just so sweet pstraubie48, and you just don't know how much I appreciate them, and you taking time out to post to me. You are an angel yourself for sure! Thank You! :)
Liking ourselves, no matter, the age...now that is the key, after all, is it not?
Each new decade brings on something new and wondrous to embrace and revel in.
So delighted to read that you, Missy, are liking who you are and enjoying your life.
Angels are once again headed your way.
Mary's story was sweet....
ps
- AUTHOR
You know, I was just thinking lately how I may not look as good as I did when I was younger, but I certainly like myself more. Thanks aviannovice!
We all get to that world of discovery, and sometimes it really is best that we travel those roads without a partner, in order for us to see exactly where we are going. Where we have been is the easy part, as we learn to discover how to use the tools that we have always had at our disposal. Time is really on your side, not to worry.
Kai should be doing his writing on here! He has a lot to say, and he will learn more as he goes.
- AUTHOR
Oh, that would be a good title if I were to publish a book of poetry one day wouldn't it? Thanks for that idea. I think maybe when I have a lot of poetry under my belt, I may just publish a book. :) Thanks for all the great comments and encouragement Frank. :)
a wonderful collection of poetry.. Epiphanies would be a good title for this little collection.. awesome
- AUTHOR
Yes, it is emotional to get on in age. However, I try my best to look at it in a positive way. I think I find a lot of positive things when I really sit down and think about how my journey has been thus far. It's exciting to have made it to where I'm at. I feel you will find the same feeling when you turn 60. It could be the best time of your life!! :)
An emotional journey of the heart. The years do pass too quickly. I have one more birthday to go and then the clock changes to 60. Time to reflect in 2016 before that happens the following year.
- AUTHOR
Yes, Faith, I think Kai doesn't like to be noticed too much. I don't push him. I've asked him to join us here, but he shows no interest. So, as long as he keeps writing, and from time to time will let me post his work, I'm fine with how he feels. He may change in the future. It took me some time to get comfortable in the process of letting my feelings show.
As for grandchildren, I'm sure I will love that when it happens. However, there is something I can say for sure since I had my children at a later age, and that is; I will actually be a real grandma when it happens. I hope I still have energy to play with and spoil them.
As far as my age, I think I am settling down finally, and will be able to enjoy the process. :)
Missy, thank you for sharing your epiphany in your wonderful poems. I have a surprise for you, the decade of 40s is not the final frontier, as I have found to be true. I look back at photos of myself when in my 30s and a little in the 40s and see someone who was filed with anxiety and worry, but now I think I look better than I did 20 years ago LOL and I think it is because I have learned the secret of not sweating the little stuff or the unknown. Especially after having been healed of cancer, I think a peace is in my life now and it reflects in my overall health and wellbeing. Of course hairstyles and with age comes wisdom as to eating healthier and such which does lend itself to looking and feeling younger. My son made me a grandmother while I was still in my 40s and I will be honest, I was not too thrilled, but now I can't imagine living in this world without knowing of that special love that only a grandmother knows of ...it is beyond anything that I can describe and I think it has helped to keep my mind and body young. So, I look forward to the day you too know of such great love. Of course, we love our children, but there is just something grand about the grandchildren.
Your friend certainly is a poet in my mind. He should check out all of the sites solely for poets, or we will certainly welcome him here on HP!
Beautiful poetry.
- AUTHOR
Yeah, you know Dana; I really like who I am at this age. Better than I have ever liked myself through the years. I feel really complete now. I feel I have settled into the person I am. I think the depression part for me was worrying that it would go fast now, and it hasn't been so slow, but I'm going to try to grow old gracefully with no worries. :)
I was also depressed when I turned 40 but I have come to love it. I can honestly say my forties are the best times of my life.
- AUTHOR
Thank you Jodah. I think Kai is talented as well. I'm not sure he thinks so, but I know if he keeps at it he will get better and better. I hope I have gotten better, I'm actually still a newbie at this poetry thing myself. :)
- AUTHOR
Thank you whonunuwho. Blessings to you as well. :)
- AUTHOR
Thank you so much, Shaloo Walia! :)
Very nice work Missy my friend and blessings. whonu
beautiful poems...you have a gift with words!
Once again you bare your heart and soul in your writing Missy. Great hub and poetry from both you and Kai. He is definitely a poet also and thanks for sharing his work.
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