Do You Really Know Anything At All About Losers?
Know What Real Losers Are And Are Not
I have searched the major search engines--Google, Bing, and even thought of asking the once-popular comic character, Barney Google and the late crooner, Bing Crosby, if they knew the real meaning of the word: LOSER. Oh there were several hit and miss definitions, but not one single definition that could satisfy my yearning to know what a LOSER really means. I would, if I had tons of money and influence, persuade the remaining members of the legendary “surf sounds”
Beach Boys to record a song that I could write entitled, “Loser Safari,” but alas, I am not wealthy. Or influential, so the quest continues to find out what or whom a LOSER really is and how to recognize a LOSER and to see if you or I have been losers for all of these past years.
The term, LOSER has its roots back in the 80’s when teenagers of privilege and popularity would label someone who was not in their clique a loser and laugh at him or her right to their face. I praise The Almighty that the 80’s are now nothing more than a faded piece of fabric in our country’s history and those privileged and popular kids today are parents of multi-colored hair teens who hate school, love to slack around and hit the skateboards whenever possible. Now the old adage, “What goes around, comes around,” fits like a glove.
In my generation that I would say ranged from 1967 throughout 1972, the terms were different for people who were not able fit into mainstream teenagedom. They were not called losers, but “Sheep heads,” “Dunces,” “Chowder heads,” “Fool,“ “Jack Daw,“ and this one, “Not right,” referring to one’s less than normal mental status. I sometimes wonder which of these terms applied to me?
To really find out whom or what a LOSER really is, first we must establish whom or what a LOSER is not. First, my personal and favorite definition of a real loser is a 40-year-old man dressing like the teen’s in his hometown--even trying to hang out with them on weekends and while his wife, Betsy, stays home stuck watching reruns of Bay Watch. A real loser, and I mean that term: REAL, loser from my hometown of Hamilton, Alabama was 62 and left his wife of 38 years to marry a girl only 32 years of age. It was pathetic to see this older man dressing and acting like a man in his twenties taking his “honey child” out in public and people were laughing at him to his face and to his back.
A NON-LOSER is a person, young or old, is someone who tries constantly to be someone of respect and honor while his superior friends who are envious of his or her IQ, spread vicious rumors and gossip about them so masses of people will jump on the term: LOSER and make this caring person’s life miserable. A NON-LOSER is a person who doesn’t know that he or she is a loser, but a winner at heart. I call that pretty commendable.
A SHADY- LOSER is a person who doesn’t care to work for his success in school or work, but cheats and weasels his or her way by any means possible. But as they are cutting corners to succeed, they act just like they are members of the in-crowd if that truly exists in 2011.
A NON-LOSER is a person who doesn’t care how hard the work is or how steep the hill is--this noble man or woman will give the visible challenge everything they have--win or lose. Fail or succeed. They are willing to work around the clock to achieve their goals in life for they do HAVE a conscience and a true moral compass.
A TRUE BOOZER-LOSER talks all the time even when no one is listening. At casual parties, the true loser always comes overly-dressed in outdated fashions. Say bell bottom pants, silk or tricot shirts with the buttons opened revealing scattering chest hair, wide, white belts, pointed toe boots and a $1,000.00 worth of carnival gold jewelry (around his neck) which is jewelry that some jeweler had to sell at some sacrificial price to make way for new merchandise. This true loser uses way too much gel on his hair, never uses mouth wash, never checks his fly before entering the residence where the party is being held, always points at other guests as if he knows them personally and true to his loser nature, always abuses alcohol and when he tries to dance, he stumbles and staggers around the room yelling, “Hey, I’m alright! Leave me alone!” and “Ever seen this move?“ The other party guests mumble among themselves and all agree that this loser has saved them the cost of a ticket to the Barnum & Bailey Circus that arrived in town a day or so ago. When the party is over, the obnoxious loser is left on someone’s sofa or in the basement floor to sleep off his booze and always has an explanation the next day of why he was acting so rudely at the party. “Oh, hey, dat was ‘cos uv muh medications dat I take. Forget about it,” is his answer for every time he embarrasses himself and others.
A FIRST-COUSIN TO THE ABOVE TRUE LOSER is the guy who actually works hard for a living, but on weekends, his most important thing he wants to do is get drunk with his buddies, drive like wild men through their hometown in four by four trucks with stereos wailing “Family Tradition,” by Hank Williams, Jr. while tossing empty Miller beer cans carelessly into the streets. And this particular breed of true loser has a wife and three kids at home by themselves. This true loser’s philosophy about marriage is as lame as an overworked race horse, “I’m thu’ man ‘round heah and I calls thu’ shots. Ain’t that rite’ ol’ lady?” “Yeah, you got that right! I do love to get drunk on weekends with friends cos’ hey, I works hard at my job Monday through Friday. I deserve a break!” No, you do not deserve a break, “Rodney Redneck,” because you are to exhibit responsibility for your wife and kids’ welfare by staying home, doing what you can to make their lives better and giving your wife and kids the respect that God says that they deserve. Oh yeah, you do believe in God alright. Whenever you get intoxicated you always mess up His name by using “GD,” every breath. His real name is God Jehovah, The Mighty God . See if you can at least say His name right.
A NON-LOSER is always willing to take responsibility for his or her mistakes in life and will do most anything to make an offense right with an offended person. This special type of loser, if you will, doesn’t try to shift the blame on an innocent employee at work for their human errors. This special breed of loser is truthful, quiet-spoken, doesn’t draw attention to themselves, but minds their own mouth and business while giving their employer 100% of their energy to do a good job.
A TRUE-BLUE LOSER is a man or woman who always tries hard to “get out” of doing any work by calling in sick every Monday that comes. This true-blue loser is always got a new disease that his doctor says can only be cured by bed rest. What really made true-blue loser sick was abusing food and booze from Friday night through Sunday night giving them a hangover that would kill a charging lion in the Amazon Jungle. True-blue losers like this are seldom kept on the payroll for very long, for they look for reasons to get terminated so they can be at home all the time to have their lazy true-blue loser buddies over for beer and liquor most everyday. And their unemployment checks? No, the wife or kids never see a dime of this money. It all goes for wild parties, gambling and attending all the strip clubs in town.
A NON-LOSER is loyal to his wife. At all times. Even when no one is watching. He admires his wife even after two kids, a mortgage, and 45 years of marriage. She is still his number one girl. This non-loser is a rare find in today’s “Give Me Society,” for he takes care of his family by leaving off alcohol abuse to make sure that he can work to make his family a good, honest living. And if the tragedy of a lay-off should happen to this non-loser, he doesn’t panic. He seeks God for guidance and starts looking for another job--even a part-time job the next day. He doesn’t throw his hands up and says with disgust, “Awww, to heck with it! I’m gonna stay my butt in my recliner at home!” This non-loser knows that God does help a person who is willing to help themselves.
A 24-HOUR ROMEO-LOSER just cannot leave other women alone. It doesn’t matter if they are married or single, he just has to be the center of attention at church, work, or anywhere he might be that has women around. He wears his pants too tight on purpose to expose his average manhood to all the women who he thinks are gazing at him. Oh, he is right about that. The women are gazing at him and saying to each other, “Who let that loser in here?” This Romeo-Loser always has flattery on his nicotine-stained lips. No woman is off limits to him. He truly believes that his wink turns all women on. He is their friend who they can confide in. His poor wife has learned to just ‘keep her head in the sand,’ for she cannot do anything to change his wayward ways. And those motel receipts that she finds in his pants, they just get tossed into the garbage--where this Romeo-Loser should be tossed along with the motel receipts.
A NON-LOSER tries to raise his children with respect, proper discipline and how to respect their neighbors, church, country and school. Something in this non-loser’s heart tells him that “Nice guys finish last, but they FINISH,” and he keeps his feet planted on the narrow pathway and sees that his children respect him and his wife as their parents, not their friends who approve of anything that comes along.
A NON-CARING LOSER is just that. A loser that doesn’t care for his children for they are an imposition to his wild partying and running around with other women behind his wife’s back. He thinks that it’s her place to raise the kids and he also thinks that washing dishes, cooking, ironing, folding clothes, making beds, vacuuming and taking out the trash is, as he bellows to his wife frequently, “It’s woman’s work! The Bible (yeah, as if he actually reads it), teaches me that I am to work (fat chance) while you, the wife, stays at home to do all of this ‘female stuff’ and always do as I say. I am the man around this castle!” Can you say Non-Caring Dope of A Loser?
A NON-LOSER goes out of his way to help a neighbor or even a stranger who is in need. He believes that we are all put on earth to give God pleasure by serving others. He respects his neighbors and their families and is willing to give a stranger in need the shirt off his back if it takes it to help that person. Yes, this non-loser doesn’t have to work hard to be unique. His life says that in loud volumes everyday.
A SELFISH, TRUE-LOSER gets anything--materials, money, promotions by using people, deception and false-fronts. This selfish-true-loser really doesn’t know that the term: GIVE, means, for he is always busy cheating people out of things like cars, land, homes, and even when he plays poker with his fellow selfish-true-losers, he even tries to ‘pull the wool over their eyes’ as well. But selfish-true-loser has ran into some people that not even his shady skills can fool--the I.R.S.
A BRAGGART-LOSER always has one more of whatever you have--cars, homes, kids, money. If braggart-loser cannot brag on himself, he is of most men, miserable. Sometimes, well, most of the time, braggart-loser exaggerates so much that even he cannot distinguish the difference between a lie and the truth. Example: YOU: Say, braggart-loser, I was blessed last week with a great deal on a new car!” BRAGGART-LOSER: Just one car? Wy’ I was blessed with two new cars for the price of one because the car dealer is a close, personal friend of mine.” In all actuality, the car dealer hates to see braggart-loser set foot on his lot because he runs REAL customers off. And the real truth of braggart-loser’s ‘deal’ is that he was given a free pine-scented air freshener when he paid $300.00 over the cost of a used car at some dealer out of town. Braggart-loser is fair game for shady car dealers.
A NON-LOSER helps out all charities that he can. The Red Cross; American Heart Society; American Cancer Society and others. He feels that by helping those in need who cannot help themselves, that someday if he lands in deep need, help will come to him. And this is a very true piece of wisdom that makes this non-loser a great man to have around for a friend, neighbor, or work associate.
A LAZY TRUE-LOSER is easy to spot. He is the one who always talks up a plan to help (himself in an indirect way) and when the real work is to be done, he disappears like a rain shower in the Gobi Dessert. A lazy-true loser is usually found in great hiding places such as dark, smoky barrooms, casino’s, someone’s basement playing pool and if he is found by the people he was supposed to be helping, his perfect answer is always, “Ohhh, was that today? I plum’ forgot that, pal. Besides, my side’s aching and I cannot walk without hurting,” lazy-true-loser moans while acting like he is pain. Lazy-true-losers are not hard to spot. Just listen for the man who’s doing the most bragging--mostly on himself and ready-to-share his numerous trips to the hospital for an old war injury. Funny, his records show that he never served a day in any branch of the military.
This concludes our “Loser Safari,” and at this place if would be thanking The Beach Boys for the background music, “Loser Safari,” but that part of my story just couldn’t be achieved.
And since writing this, I have spent some serious soul-searching about myself. I think that I will lay my label-maker down. For good. It’s when you or I start placing labels like “loser” on people who are just trying to be a part of God’s creation of mankind that at the same time we invite one of the ‘seven deadly sins’ into our lives: PRIDE that can bring us down quicker than martial arts master, Bruce Lee when he was at his peak.
If I be a LOSER , let me be a loser who tries to do right and do my friends and neighbors right. And by the same token, I will be proud to wear the Loser Badge anywhere, anytime. For I’d rather be associated with losers who try, than real losers who lose.
HI! Remember us? We are the people who wore bad costumes to celebrate Halloween sometime ago. We are here for one reason: To first, tell you that Halloween CAN be celebrated the Responsible way by not Drinking Past Moderation, Being a REAL LOSER and trying to drive when you have had three drinks too many....
And NOT TAKING TIME TO LOOK FOR THE LITTLE CHILDREN who are out trick or treating. It's their holiday anyway, so please, let us, the "Bad Halloween Twins," beg YOU to BE CAREFUL on the roads this Halloween."
Have You Ever Met A Real Loser In Real Life?
Facts about losers
Most losers are not violent.
Most losers can be thought of, in time, as friends.
Losers, for the most part, do not possess criminal records.
Losers can with help, fit into our society.