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Everything I Gave To You

Updated on July 10, 2011

Everything I gave to you is everything that I held true

All I wanted in return from you was your adore

All my life I sat resigned, and radiating love confined

Waiting only to unwind as soon as love had come ashore

You appeared and swept me up, and all I cried was “more”

If only I had known before

Nothing ever seemed so great, I didn’t have to concentrate

My love for you came naturally, pouring from my soul

Days felt short and full love, you fit me like a perfect glove

Ecstasy washed over me as all around the grass we’d roll

Deeper still I fell into your web of masked control

If only I had seen your goal

Forward to 6 months from now, to me, things are the same somehow

Chips in your persona should have given you away

But alas you cannot see when blinded from reality

All the signs of things to come, your feelings mask and hold at bay

Happy, living life oblivious to the decay

If only I had run away

Time goes by, things go sour, days, once short, go by the hour

I convince myself that persevering is my weight

Constantly I walk on eggshells, silently the sadness swells

Every night lying awake and wondering, is this my fate?

Crying, scared and angry all I am now is dead weight

If only I had set you straight

Cuts and bruises, fractured bones, sickening words in rotten tones

People asking questions don’t believe a word I say

Threats from you to take my life if I should cause you any strife

Scared to tell I retreat back inside myself to pass away

Friends implore me, please, just leave, I wish it every day

If only I had seen a way

Broken spirit, broken soul, crushed beneath your weighty hold

Due to unforeseen events, I finally am free

I never thought I’d see this day, it’s a dream I’d thrown away

Naked, battered, bruised and worn, I pull myself from the debris

My entire world has been removed from under me

If only you were dead like me

Patched together now I stand, the worst behind, the now at hand

Looking back, ashamed at everything I didn’t see

Not again will I endure events occurred in days of yore

Resolved to build the life that I deserve, independently

Stronger than I’ve ever been, I’m happy to be me

If only nothing.


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    • agaglia profile image

      agaglia 5 years ago

      Ladyface, WoW. that was intense - and yes I have been there. I wrote a hub called "free to speak" about this same subject. Also, "Those two women" and "Blue Eyes Crying" I will read more of your stuff.

    • L a d y f a c e profile image

      L a d y f a c e 6 years ago from Canada

      Wow thanks b. Malin :)

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 6 years ago

      Ladyface, I was almost speechless when I finished...Wow, Girlfriend, this was Terrific! You made me feel the pain until you were able to break Free...Thank God, I though...A New Wiser beginning, from one hell of a Learning Experience. Two Thumbs Up!

    • L a d y f a c e profile image

      L a d y f a c e 6 years ago from Canada

      Thank you Sonia!

    • sonia05 profile image

      sonia05 6 years ago from india

      very touching,i must say! I am glad you broke free of it and embarked on a new journey with some other person who compliments you and not torments you! best of luck and cheers1

    • L a d y f a c e profile image

      L a d y f a c e 7 years ago from Canada

      Thank you for your comment, shygirl. I love the saying "love hurts" I love even more the saying "people hurt under the guise of love". 'Tis true, we all deserve to be loved, truly loved, and appreciated for the person we are from good to bad, from knees to elbows. You're also right on the emotional part. It'll be 4 years on April 11th and I'm still trying with all my might to learn how to incorporate lessons from the past without letting them negatively affect my future. It's so, so hard.

      HubPages is the first place I've ever felt like I related to anyone, and since joining I've met so many people and read so many hubs and forums that have enlightened, and even helped me.

      Wishing you days abound with peace and happiness :)

    • profile image

      shygirl2 7 years ago

      There is an old saying...'Love Hurts'. I guess it can be true when we fall for the wrong one for us. Those who don't treasure and appreciate who we really are, and only abuse us in so many ways. I do feel your pain, having survived varying degrees of abuse. The emotional one, seems to take the longest to heal. I am proud of you for realizing it was time to walk away. You deserve to be truly loved, just the way you are and treasured. We all do. Thanks for sharing. I know it must have been hard for you to do. But good in the way it helped you to vent and possibly heal. Wishing you only good things in your life. : )

    • L a d y f a c e profile image

      L a d y f a c e 7 years ago from Canada

      I love your response, Scarlett. So true, and so very well put. Beautiful.

    • Scarlett My Dear profile image

      Scarlett My Dear 7 years ago from Missouri

      Frozen with fear we place self-inflicted chains ~ of the body and of the mind.

      Like the opossum on the road, a deer in the headlights, a bird on a nest protecting its young ~ the will to survive is a powerful thing, even when we don't see it is killing us already.

      If only we knew then, what we know now ~ that we are stronger than we think, braver than we know, more deserving than we believe.

      Beautiful, Ladyface!

    • L a d y f a c e profile image

      L a d y f a c e 7 years ago from Canada

      Thank you penny :)

    • pennyofheaven profile image

      pennyofheaven 7 years ago from New Zealand

      Wow very powerful! Love your strength! Thanks!

    • L a d y f a c e profile image

      L a d y f a c e 7 years ago from Canada

      Actually, this really is a great place to share these things and find people who can relate. I've met so many wonderful people since I joined up. I was a little nervous at first to share things so personal, and still am a bit, but my confidence is slowly growing.

    • profile image

      Duchess OBlunt 7 years ago

      Ladyface, it seems you have indeed endured much. Great poem, not so great a subject. But when it's in there, and it has to come out - you couldn't find a better venue than here on HubPages. I'm happy to hear things have improved. I am on my way to read how in "Hooked"

    • L a d y f a c e profile image

      L a d y f a c e 7 years ago from Canada

      Thanks jt. You're correct there. It's actually quite something to see someone for the coward they are when for so long you saw them as a force you could not reckon with.

    • jtcarr1164 profile image

      jtcarr1164 7 years ago from Tueplo, Mississippi

      Beautifully tragic. I hate that anyone would have to go through a relationship like this. There is only one word to describe a man that would hit a woman...COWARD

    • L a d y f a c e profile image

      L a d y f a c e 7 years ago from Canada

      Saddlerider thank you. For your hub, and for your comment now. It's a long road, letting yourself believe in someone again, being scared and nervous to trust again, you're right there. I used to feel like that was the life I was destined for, coming from a home of that nature, and then being in that situation, but now I am married to someone who respects me as I do him, in every way.

      We indeed are all unique and wonderful human beings. We all have our paths, I guess mine was just a little more colorful. lol.

      Much peace and hugs in return.

    • saddlerider1 profile image

      saddlerider1 7 years ago

      Ladyface, I know you came in and read my Like A Bird on a Wire..a tribute to battered and broken woman who were tormented under abuse. I am so happy for you that you broke free from this monster. There are still too many woman being battered and restrained and I pray that justice is swift for the abusers.

      Breaking free as you did is a big step for your new life. We place our trust and love in people we think love us in return, yet they are just faking it and using us to do what they want with our souls.

      I can write a book on what I've seen in my own life growing up as an abused child and bearing witness to events in my household that were cruel and punishing to my mother.

      I wish you happiness, peace and real love in your life...never give up on yourself..we are all unique wonderful human beings..trying to fly straight like an arrow....peace and hugs to you from this Saddlerider.

    • L a d y f a c e profile image

      L a d y f a c e 7 years ago from Canada

      Thank you very much for the compliment, acaetenna. I hope you can relate to the other!

    • acaetnna profile image

      acaetnna 7 years ago from Guildford

      Beautiful poem but what a complete travesty. Reading your response to Doug I will now go to read Hooked, hope I can relate to that. Your poem is beautifully written though even though very, very sad.

    • L a d y f a c e profile image

      L a d y f a c e 7 years ago from Canada

      Thank you for your kind comments, I'm glad you both enjoyed the poem.

      Doug, here's some happiness for you, I finally did get to stay in that state of bliss, with my husband. The poem Hooked is all about that. The world is indeed brutal, and it feels like a miracle when you find a place that's not.

      Georgie, I did read your poem, and commented as well! Sad to hear you as well went through an abusive relationship. It takes a long time to get through.

    • Georgie98 profile image

      Georgie98 7 years ago from UK

      I'm so sorry you went through this, I was in a similar relationship myself once. I have a poem on here called Turning Blind about it. Like you said, looking back there are always so many signs that you should've noticed, acknowledged and reacted to. But you don't, you're blinded by them. My ex raped me and I still didn't leave, I was too frightened of him.

      Thanks for sharing such a wonderfully written poem, it's just a shame about the background behind it.

    • profile image

      Doug Turner Jr. 7 years ago

      This is a sad one but very well written. I wanted your character to remain in that state of bliss in the beginning, but recognized the old brutality of the world as the reality set in. Nicely written.

    • L a d y f a c e profile image

      L a d y f a c e 7 years ago from Canada

      You're correct there, Wrath, hopefully more than you know. I had known him for 4 years prior to dating him, so already the attachment was there. Looking back, I feel like such an idiot when I see events that should have made me run like hell. There were nights when I would lie awake and try to think of ways to get out of it, I remember once or twice when I was so distraught and felt so utterly and completely hopeless that I figured being in jail for murder would be better than being in jail for someone's amusement. But the fear of what would happen to me if I failed was crippling. Honestly, I don't have a murdering bone in my body. I can't even kill a spider.

      I'm happy to hear that that man's wife left. I'm sure wherever she is, she's never looked back.

      This might have been TMI.. lol. HubPages is allowing me to vent and share and relate, the flood gate has been opened I guess.

      Thanks for sharing :)

    • Wrath Warbone profile image

      Terry Chestnutt 7 years ago from Cleveland, Ohio

      I don't believe, like some say, that some people want to be in a relationship like that. They really do get tricked and didn't know what they were getting into. And it can be so hard to get out. Some who have killed their torturer got thrown into jail. That's not right at all. Many do get out somehow, but it is not easy at all, espesially if they don't have a skill to get a job at and have little children to consider. I knew of a guy who used to bring his friends along to beat his wife with him. I saw her get in a car in front of her apartment when her husband was at work. She had a suitcase in her hand and never came back. I was glad. Her husband was terrified of other men. I know because I accidently gave him a dirty look as I walked by. I shouldn't have been surprised.

    • L a d y f a c e profile image

      L a d y f a c e 7 years ago from Canada

      Thanks Jeremey, I think it does. At least, I hope it does.

    • Jeremey profile image

      Jeremey 7 years ago from Arizona

      wow! I can undersand, but fortunately I can't relate. Beautiful poem, tragic as it may be. I hope the pain for anyone who can relate will leave.

    • L a d y f a c e profile image

      L a d y f a c e 7 years ago from Canada

      Thank you Naomi, it's nice to know I'm not alone in this.

    • Naomi Rose Welty profile image

      Naomi Rose Welty 7 years ago from Savannah, GA

      That is exactly what it's like!