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For Everyone and Anyone! Need Feedback Draft (book I Am Writing)

Updated on October 23, 2016

ONE

It was already past midnight and he should have been home hours ago. Why hasn’t he called? She closed the curtains and huddled on her bed trying to hold back the tears. He was only at work, less than five miles away. She’s beginning to panic and she can feel the anxiety bubbling like lava under her skin. They lived in one of the nicest mansions, in one of the nicest neighborhoods in . What could have possibly happened? After attempting to call him for what seemed like a decade, she called the police and reported her husband missing. They sent out about a dozen search teams, including an older man from the DEA’s office. She begged different search teams and different officers to allow her to participate in the search and investigation but they all agreed it was too dangerous.

The next morning it was all over the news and in the newspapers. Headlines Read; DEA AGENT Michael L. Simmons reported missing, never returned home from work. The article then went on to read, “Anyone with information regarding the missing agent is required to report it to their local police station. Withholding information is a…” she slammed the newspaper down, she wasn’t sure if she was glad they were helping or if all of this was freaking her out even more. On top of being on the front page of every newspaper, her phone would not stop ringing and the neighbors were crowded around her house like it was an episode of Law and Order. Why were they all standing there? Just staring at me through the window; like an animal seeking out their prey. There was nothing to see. Michael wasn’t here, Michael apparently wasn’t anywhere.

Almost a full 24 hours had gone by and absolutely no one had come forward with any information. It was like he just vanished; fell off the face of the earth. But things like that don’t just happen… not without reason that is.

TWO

“Would you please go check on Deseray sweetie? I’ve been calling her all day and she hasn’t responded. I’m worried she’s not okay Jess, what if something happened to her? Please go check on her”! Deseray’s mom Diane said nearly sobbing through the phone. Jess, short for Jessica, was pretty much her best friend since they were born but, they slowly parted ways through high school.

“Of course I will go see how she is doing! Even though we don’t talk a lot, you know I’m still always there for her mom”. She responded with the same gentle voice she always had growing up.

“I just think she could really use a friend right now you know? You’re the best Jess! Thank you so much”! Diane was a lot less panicked this time

“I know she does, I was planning on going over tomorrow, but you’re right. I will let you know what she tells me! Talk to you soon”. Jessica responds back, quickly hangs up the phone and, heads out the door.

The ride to her house should have taken forty-five minutes but it only took Jess a half hour. When she arrived at the Mansion, Deseray looked like she hadn’t slept in days, even though it had only been one. Jessica also questioned if she showered, or if she had even gotten changed. She was wearing an old pair of Hello Kitty pajama pants and a Star Wars t-shirt that she cut the neck off of. We were always weird with things like that growing up, our shirts were too tight on our necks and our skirts weren’t tight enough. That’s how girls are these days, not that we are still children or teenagers for that fact. They were both 27 and coincidently their mothers got pregnant, probably on the same day because their due dates were two days apart. The girls both ended up being born on the same day a half an hour apart. “I missed you Jess, thanks for coming by”. Deseray said trying to force excitement.” I missed you too! It’s been a while and your mom called me worried about you. She said she tried calling you a bunch of times. Are you alright? What’s going on love? I’ve been seeing Michaels Missing Persons story all over the news”.

Deseray says with a sad look on her face, “I feel like a little kid who just lost their favorite toy forever”. “Yeah maybe, but the difference is you don’t know if it is forever”. Jessica said back, almost regretting it instantly. Deseray looked up slowly, she looked like she had seen a zombie for the first time. Her dark brown hair up against her already pale white skin did absolutely nothing for her, she hesitates once more before she finally says “I think that might be worse, not knowing what happened, or how long it's going too last." This makes Jessica think to herself, why did I say that? How can I make her feel better and help her? Deseray sits there staring at an old mark on the wall that looked to be like jelly, her friend was watching her wondering what she was thinking. After a few awkward moments of silence Jess grew the courage to speak again. This time she asks her what she was thinking, she was not failing at giving her advice again.

She is still sitting there, staring at the jelly but she reply’s “I didn’t know Michael….” She spoke with a struggle and a voice so soft Jessica missed the last half of the sentence. On second thought, she wasn’t even sure if she finished it. "You didn’t know Michael what?” now Jess was almost in a panic. “I didn’t know Michael was a DEA agent” Des repeated, this time a little louder but her voice was still distraught. Jessica sat there for a moment half expecting her to say she was kidding. A few seconds go by and she realizes she was not.

“What did you think he did for work then? And why wouldn’t he tell you? What's the reason for hiding it? Do they have to or something”? Jessica could feel the rage and all of the questions coming at once. She paused, took a step back and a deep breath; Don’t overwhelm her Jessica says to herself. She knew Deseray probably had a million more questions than she did so she patiently waited for her to answer the ones she already asked.

“I knew he worked for the government, but as a Human Resource Manager at Department of Health and Human Services” she said almost afraid of what Jessica might say next. “How in the hell didn’t you know that he lied? I mean you never had any doubt”? “Nope” she said so positively. “It totally just happens all the time, husbands lie to their wives about where they work, to pay the bills for the MANSION that they live in.”

Jessica almost looked confused, she wasn’t, she was taking in every that was happening. It all happened so fast, no one had time to adjust. After a few minutes went by she spoke. Not before noticing Deseray was beginning to look restless again. “OK. No that doesn’t happen every day, but why did it happen?” Jessica said in frustration. “That is all I want to find out! Not knowing what happened to him and why is eating me alive. Why doesn’t anyone have any information and if they do why have they not come forward”? The tone in Deseray’s voice was starting to sound angry.

“I got it” Jessica jumped up so fast and so excited. “Let’s Go”! she yelled.

“Go? Go where?” She said

“I know someone who can help,” Jess said happily.

“Help?” Deseray now looked confused but she wasn’t taking in anything, she really was confused.

“What could they possibly help with? It’s not like you know anyone who knows him. Or do you?” Deseray was now getting skeptical of everyone. She felt like everyone was lying to her, betraying her, hurting her. She just felt...lost…

“Did you know about what he did for work?” She accused her again but couldn’t even bring herself to say what it was that Michael really did. Deseray now had Jessica feeling very uncomfortable, she's almost in tears when she responds to her.

“NO! Oh my god Des! How could you even say that?” This made Deseray think more about what she had said, she didn't mean it. She knew that her best friend wouldn't keep something from her like that. She was quick to apologize to Jess for being out of line, they get in the car and head off, too where? Deseray has no idea, even when she asked Jessica, all she said was trust me Des, trust me.

They had been driving for about an hour before they approached an old dirt road. The brush at the entrance was overgrown and there was an old mail box that looked like it hadn’t been checked in weeks. Jessica put her blinker on and slowed to a stop, Des began to wonder where they were and why were they parking at the end of a dirt road when, Jess shifts the car into park and says “You ready?”

Deseray looks out her car window and then back at Jess before answering sarcastically “Ready for what? A hiking trip? (she’s trying not to laugh) Geez, shoulda brought my boots aye!” then the both of them laugh in sync.

A moment later, remembering why they were there, Jess says “No but really, we’re here, come on!” and she opens the car door.

“Will you tell me who we are here to see now?” Deseray finally blurts out.

“Ok fine.” Jessica says “We are here to see my ex-boyfriend.”

“Are you serious?” Deseray yells, then continues “Oh sure, MY husband goes missing and your idea of help is a love bird reunion?” she can feel her heart starting to hurt...cringe...break...

“NO! God Des, you need to relax! Calm down!” Jessica is yelling, not a mean yell, just a get it through your head yell. “He works for the State. He is one of the best DEA agents around” she finishes.

Deseray almost rolls her eyes. “Why couldn’t you just tell me that?” she said.

“Better to keep you wondering” Jessica says almost laughing.

Des opens her door now and gathers her belongings, they get out of the car and head up the driveway. Deseray begins to wonder if they drove all this way for nothing. She hadn’t seen Jess make a phone call to anyone, nor had she seen her text anyone. Maybe she called before she came over? She didn’t know but, I guess it didn’t matter this second anyways. A million questions about a million things were running threw her head. She couldn’t stand the feeling of her husband being gone, and she didn’t understand how this man was going to help her. The police can’t find him, they don’t even have a lead, how was one agent going to help?

They were approaching the front steps, Jess went first and rings the doorbell. A few long minutes go by, they can finally hear whoever is on the inside unlocking the door. It opens…The man who answered the door looked like a giant, he was 6’5 and huge. Not fat huge, just stocky huge. Deseray began to wonder why him and Jess weren’t dating anymore. She definitely was not going to ask; she couldn’t stop staring. He had very light blonde hair with the bluest of blue eyes. He was drop dead gorgeous. Deseray caught herself in a trance when he was introducing himself, even though thinking about how cute he was, doing nothing but remind her of how much she missed her husband. She still could not stop staring! The man who opened the door starts to introduce himself.

“My names Bill Hinckley” he said with the biggest smile on his face. This reminded Des of Michael again. Her face pale, her face blank, she felt as if her mouth didn’t want to move,

She’s standing with her mouth wide open and her eyes glued to him. Jess nearly knocks Des over smacking her in the chest to snap her out of it. “Mmm-mm-my naa-name is Deseray” she then stutters.

“Nice to meet you! Well come on in ladies” Bill says while sticking his arm out like he was introducing them down the runway of a fashion show.

Jessica goes first as Deseray follows and Bill stays behind to close to door. Deseray takes this minute to look around. There was something very odd about this guy. Every single one of his pictures were either crooked or, upside down. Not one of them was straight. She felt like she looked confused and was quick to change the expression on her face. Clearly Jess had been here before, she didn’t look around at all. She walked right down the hallway, through the kitchen, into the living room and sad down on the leather couch.

THREE

While the girls were doing their own investigating back at home Captain Linda Slavaine at the (name of police station) had received an anonyms phone call.

“Im not telling you my name but I will tell you I saw that Michael guy at the old hometown bar and grill the night he went missing!” an older gentleman’s voice says to Linda through the phone.

“Why thank you sir, is there anything else you can tell me? What was he wearing? Was he with anyone? Did you see him coming or goo……” The man cuts her off “No ma”m I ain’t know nothin’, all I know is he was there”. And he hung up the phone.

to be continued

I honestly appreciate everyone who takes the time to read my draft and give me positive/negative feedback! Just as I stated in the beginning; no writing courses just my love for writing and a piece of paper ! Thank you all !!!!!

DONT HAVE TIME TO COMMENT? JUST RATE!

4 out of 5 stars from 1 rating of BOOK Draft

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