Fall Is Coming
I felt that old feeling again today. I was outside and a gust of wind blew some leaves down the street. That wind was cool even though it was from the South and it made the hairs on my arm stand up as my skin reacted to the cool air. I shuddered and I felt that feeling
The earliest I can remember the feeling is when I was very young. I was probably about eleven years old and I was walking down an old dirt road in the very early fall. A breeze blew by me as I walked along and this strange sensation came over me. I suddenly wanted to be far away. I wanted to just get on the back of a horse and ride off into the wilderness and hopefully never be seen again.
I can remember having that feeling again when I was about sixteen and I was out riding my pure black Arabian, Santana. He was a beautiful horse and he loved to go once you got him out and going. That same cool breeze sent shivers down my spine and I felt the wilderness calling. I leaned down and asked Santana if he felt it too. His ears were up and he wanted to run. He could feel it too.
I have no explanation for the feeling. I can’t really even describe it. It is a haunting, chilling sensation that I get in the fall that makes me just want to leave and never come back. A breeze or just cool air will usually trigger it and then my heart will start to pound. It feels like I should be doing something. It is such a strange sensation, almost like an urge to migrate but I have never felt compelled to head for a safe warm place. Instead I feel the urge to seek out the wild places where people rarely go.
This feeling always hits me in the fall. Sometimes even before the leaves turn I will feel it like I did today. It is far deeper than just a desire to go to the wilderness. It is as if I am lost and want to find my way back to something I used to know. Almost as if I want to become another person.
The feeling also comes with sadness. Fall is beautiful but it has always made me sad. I am not sad that summer is over. I’m not sad that it will soon be cold. I am just sad for an unexplained reason.
I have heard other people talk of feeling melancholy in the fall but have never heard of someone having this feeling that I get. It is so strange and unexplainable. It is almost tangible sometimes. I know most people who read this probably think I’m crazy but someone out there has to have had the feeling too.