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Fauntleroy and Flossy - Commencement

Updated on May 17, 2020

Rumor has it the West Point graduating class, 2020 is being called back to their school to listen to a commencement ceremony insisted upon by the president during a pandemic. This is a fictional account of the rumored event.

"Men, cadets. This is the greatest moment in your lives. You will never forget the day you sat at your graduation ceremony and listened to me tell you all of my accomplishments.

Sure, as we march forward together, fighting the blue menace there will be episodes to tell your grandchildren. Those of you who live will tell and retell this story of the day 'The Chosen One' spoke to you at the begining of your careers.

First, by Executive Order, I am renaming this Academy to Flauntleroy Point, because I am the greatest Wartime President in the written history of mankind. Workmen are chiseling the name West Point off the buildings and plaques as we speak.

In my past lives, I was General George Armstrong Custer. I led an army in the African desert as General Rommel. I was at Napolean's flank when he was defeated by two armies of the Southern Coalition. I served at Wounded Knee, you can see that warrior standing before you.

You gentlemen are in the presence of one of the Unfounding Fathers. The founding fathers made a big mess of things. Just imagine all men being created equal. What a ridiculous notion. Look around you. You know you are better than many of these here today. Look around at the old, the weak, and those with clearly visible handicaps. The Founding Fathers had it so much easier than I have had it.

As president I have accomplished so much more than all other U.S. leadership. Especially, you know who. I can't mention his name. But his wife wore a sleeveless dress. Totally disrespectful of the office. And there is a picture of him with his feet on the desk. I had that desk burned.

Some of you may worry that your careers are going to be dull. But, rest assured, once you learn the Russian language, we are going to put your skills to good use.

We have our eye on Europe. There will be retribution for the wrongs commited by democracy, against us in the Second great war to protect the Motherland."

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"Men, cadets, liberty has run its course. Men of superior intellect have siezed the reigns of power and we intend to keep this position of status. You are the tools that will make it possible to keep the rabble of nonthinkers, nonproducers, and totally worthless brotherhoods of those inferior in everyway from consuming any more than the minimum adequate amount for them to perform their daily task.

You have earned your positions. Your way has been paid from the surplus that was pulled by your fathers from those who were weaker and slower. The weak are the ones that pound on the tables about equality and justice for all. We must tear open this rotted cocoon from the days of enlightenment.

Under my leadership you will rise above and supress any and all who oppose the Party of the Chosen One.

Never ask what your Party can do for you. Only offer your service and sacrifice to the Party. Remember do what you are told and your plate will be full. The Chosen One has spoken.

In conclusion, I, I, me, me, I,I, mine. The greatest, the most bestest ever. The worshipped and highly exalted, Mr. American, beloved and harolded in Greek and Roman myth."

First Amendment

Congress shall make no law respecting an established religion, or prohibiting the exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech , or the press or the right of people to peacably assemble, and to petition the Government for redress of grievances.

"As an added bonus, men, cadets, if you look under your chairs there is a commemorative coin with my portrait on the front and a picture of the first ever Fauntleroy Point on the back. In the same envelope there is a coupon for ten percent off the official Fauntleroy Tailsman available at the grift shop."


This is a work of fiction. The commencement speech is pure speculation. Wikileaks was not consulted.

The U.S. Army has a proud history. Though there are some dark moments.

Fauntleroy and Flossy is not for everyone. Pedialyte, Odansetron, and Pantoprazole may help. Consult your physician. Some readers have developed colic after reading.

We are way passed flies in the ointment. No amount of disrespect is adequate.

© 2020 mckbirdbks


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