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Fauntleroy and Flossy Dismantler in Chief

Updated on January 9, 2017

“Errdick, did you get me the tax filings for Hilton, Marriot, and Holiday Inn, like I asked for? Those guys are all getting audited for the next eight, twelve, sixteen years.” Fauntleroy put down the white phone and returned to looking at himself in the mirror.

Connie walked into the room unannounced. Fauntleroy turned to her. “Oh, what happened to your face?”

“What are you talking about?” She walked to the mirror and touched her face. Then her face turned red, “Are you telling me this is the first time you have seen my face?” At his stern look, she lowered her voice, “My President.” And almost curtsied.

“I have a meeting.” He walked out holding his gold phone. Tweeting: @TheRealFauntleroy Why doesn’t anyone tell me these things. He put the phone away. Agent M’s phone vibrated. He looked and read the Tweet, he followed Fauntleroy in person and on Twitter. He forwarded the Tweet to his office.

Fauntleroy’s blue phone rang. “Yes, the American people are all going to pay for the wall. Just like I promised on the campaign trail.” He grabbed the gold phone again. Tweeting: @TheRealFauntleroy They are all Mexicans, now.

Agent M put his hand to his ear to adjust the earpiece. “Fauntleroy, there is a commotion in the basement. A DEA vehicle has broken through the barriers. The Faunt force protection service rushed the car. They found Symmetry behind the wheel.

“Oh, good. Tell them to help her unload the packages and bring them to the map room. Make sure they have all signed the non disclosure forms. The same thing is not going to happen to me that happened to Bill Clinton.” Tweeting: @TheRealFauntleroy At last, at last, my stash, no cash.” Let them figure that out. Oh, that reminds me to block @therealcia from seeing my tweets. That will teach those intelligence gathers.

He walked into the map room filled with hooded figures. “Vader? Are you here? I’m told you have not signed your non disclosure agreement. If you are going to attend these meetings that is an absolute must. Vader?”

Mini T stood up, walked over to the hooded figure with the starched creases in the sleeves of his robe, and put the non disclosure form in front of it. A pale hand with a Jostens University of Indiana ring on the ring finger slithered out of the sleeve and signed the document placed before him. The Captain Midnight decoder ring on the pinky finger did not go unnoticed by Mini T.

Red B, and Model T walked about the room with their XB-68 RF Detector and Camera Finders in their hands looking for unauthorized audio recording devices. Fauntleroy pat the short robed fellow on the head. “Don’t you have to go to school today?”

The boy and Model T left the room. Mini T stood and followed them out. He was met at the door by a stream of Faunt force protection service men carrying packages of white powder and placing them carefully on the table.

“Boys, and girls, we are never going to have to buy our recreational drugs again. We are on the top of the world.”

They all laughed.

“The first order of business. The public can never hear that the Democrats Affordable Care Act was paid for with new taxes and spending cuts. Not one penny was unfunded. They can never hear that, understand me? Also, never to be mentioned that it significantly reduced overall health costs, costing our campaign contributors close to a billion dollars.” Fauntleroy laughed, “Imagine leaving a billion dollars in the people’s pocket.” He waited for any response. There was none.

“Next, I need four billion dollars to pay off that pip squeak Indonesian Speaker of the house. He is demanding that to renew the license for Fremonts gold mining operation. And I need him to sign off on a hotel and golf course. So, find that money and get him paid. Bury the cost in the new appropriations for the wall between us and those drug dealing rapists that pour over the border. Do you think we can get Duterte to throw him out of a helicopter? Maybe the new guy will charge less.”

A hand appeared from a robe covered sleeve and made a note.

“Did you all get in the sell Toyota short stock play? As things move forward, we will all have more time to make our plays.” He picked up his phone Tweeting: @TheRealFauntleroy Japanese Toyota can’t build in Mexico without paying U.S. tribute.

Nixon: Well, when the president does it, that means it is not illegal.

.

“The president can’t have a conflict of interest,” Fauntleroy.

Fauntleroy stopped, seeing the hooded robe laying over the back of an empty chair. He adjusted his eyes through the eye holes of his hood. “Who is missing?”

“Oh, My President,” Connie’s voice said from beneath her hood. That is the robe of the Former CIA director. He has become a ghost. Her smile went unseen.

“Just proves my point about these so-called intelligence people. What’s next? Anyone have anything to add?”

Disclaimer


This is a work of fiction. No license, express or implied, to any Intellectual property rights are granted herein. These materials are provided by Fauntleroy and Flossy as a service to their friends and/or customers and may be used for informational purposes only. All liability is disclaimed, including liability for infringement of any proprietary rights, relating to use of information in this specification.

Nothing in this document constitutes a guarantee. No accuracy, is expressed or implied. Third party outrage, is that of the outraged, not the fictitious writer.

Materials are copyrighted and are protected by copyright laws worldwide. Any reproduction, reduction, or deduction, may not be modified, published, uploaded, posted, transmitted, or distributed in any way, without the advance fictitious writer’s written approval notarized by legal authority in neighboring corresponding States, Regions, or territories.

Readers are advised that reading Fauntleroy and Flossy, may cause drowsiness, lack of appetite and or blurry vision. Do not operate automobiles, snowmobiles or caribou drawn sleds until you know how Fauntleroy and Flossy affects you.

Reading may cause excessive use of Phrenilin, Tencon, Bupap, Fiorinal, Seconal, Nembutal, Limbitrol, Valium, Diastat, Restoril, Niravam, Xanax, Ativan, Halcion, Onfi, and Klonopin. See your doctor while he/she is still available.

Source

Paul McCartney - Fool On The Hill Live

Elvis Presley - My Way (with lyrics)

Corruption is Legal in America

© 2017 mckbirdbks

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    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 months ago from Southern Illinois

      How much more can we tolerate before committing suicide? I could see all the crooks sitting around a table in hooded robes, especially the Dude from Indiana. An endless supply of the white powder coming in from Mexico!!!! I worry about Japan's Toyota. We have a plant 35 miles from me in Indiana. Pence is probably shaking in his robe? The only light at the end of the tunnel is your fun satire, which BTW is not too farfetched. I am on my way up to listen to my man Elvis. Peace.....

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      We will always have ELVIS. SO, there is that. This is satire, wrapped in a parody and a counterfeit label. No need to think about anything other than sunny beaches or Tuscan villages. Happy Saturday.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 4 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      I can imagine those NDA's are plentiful, and signed in triplicate. Vader's "Jostens University of Indiana ring on the ring finger slithered out of the sleeve and signed the document placed before him." And the reference to Hasan (yes?). And, "Do you think we can get Duterte to throw him out of a helicopter?" Lol. OMG...this is so funny. I know you are getting weary of hearing this, but I love your parodies. It is so nice to be able to laugh at the Twilight Zone of karma we now find ourselves in, in the real world. The "fool on the hill" is perfect. Happy Saturday.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 months ago from Southern Illinois

      I've never heard that song by McCartney. Sunny beaches, aha that's a good thought. We have snow here now but only a half inch, and the sun is shinning so It will be gone today. I am on my way to visit my friend Faris in rehab, so I will have a busy day. Keep writing your satire, maybe the newly elected people will read it and either laugh or cry. lol

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna - "Twilight Zone of karma" is a perfect metaphor for what is going on. The Cabinet picks are a travesty and tell of things to come. The selection for Education is as scary as it gets for public schools and public school teachers. I remember when being a teacher was a occupation that was respected. Those days seem to be gone, as 'education' is no longer valued.

      I was just about to sleep, when 'The Fool on the Hill' popped into my mind. The note pad is always near at hand.

      Happy Saturday.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Ruby - Yes I think we all can envision a sunny beach as our days get colder. Here winter is just a nuisance not like in the east, where it can be a challenge. Enjoy your visit with your friend. I am sure you are appreciated.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 4 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Hi Ruby and Mike...

      I'm not so sure we'll have to wait the obligatory four years with "Faunt." The obviousness behind his odd behavior and refusal to accept Russia's role in any way for the hacking may very well lead, in part, to his impeachment. At least, that is the talk I've heard thus far. The Tillerson move, the oil fields in the Arctic, and what remains of the Russian-owned Rosneft that hasn't been sold to Indian companies, are just the tip of the iceberg. (No pun intended.) And Trump's refusal to release his tax returns only adds to the mix. He is playing with fire, and the American people will only take so much. He can change-up the Intelligence community inside the Beltway all he wishes; they won't risk prison for him.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 4 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      By the way, we're in the middle of a heavy snow storm so I'm house-bound. I made some hot cocoa for the snow shovelers. Would anyone like some? :-)

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna - The American people are about to get a lesson in rhetoric. We all know that a campaign promise has no meaning, yet those that blindly believed campaign promises this time are going to find they are the brunt of a very bad joke.

      Faunt's lack of historical knowledge is what is going to bit him. Napoleon marched his Armies through Europe and still ended up imprisoned on Elba.

      Oh, yes to the hot cocoa.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 4 months ago from South Africa

      Oh my, I'm swinging between laughing and having an anxiety attack. This series of yours is braided with humor and horror!

      I have to go lie down with a wet cloth on my face. Woe the world with Fauntleroy in charge.

      I am still in awe of your writing style.

    • PegCole17 profile image

      Peg Cole 4 months ago from Dallas, Texas

      I wish I could think of something witty to say here but, alas. I keep hoping that the next four years will be an improvement on the past eight. Good writing as always, Mike.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Martie - I have a piece of tape with the words - This is humor on the frame of my computer screen. Otherwise I might scare someone. Thanks for staying with this series.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Peg - All politics aside. In 2008 my income went to zero. I used my life savings to stave off disaster for myself and a few others, including people that were 'rich' prior to the collapse.

      Over the last eight years, the tent cities have all been absorbed (around here). I have put the bread maker away. (You can make four loaves of bread with a five lb sack of flour.) And, without adequate health insurance, I would not be here. So, our perspective is different.

      Thank you for visiting this series, I know it is a chore.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Genna, I'm so glad you made enough hot cocoa to share, I'll have a mug please. Mike my friend Faris is doing much better. She is recovering from a fractured vertebra in her spine, the second one in two months. Scary what can happen when bones get brittle. Exercise is so very important. It is anything but a chore for me to read your witty satire. I love each one and look forward for the next one....Cheers..

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 4 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Here you go, Ruby. Piping hot and topped with marshmallows. You too, Mike. I'm sorry your friend suffered a spinal fracture...they can be so painful. But pleased to hear she's feeling better. Our winter storm is still pummeling us with snow, but it's so pretty and peaceful to watch at night. Enjoy your Sunday.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna and Ruby - I'll get a small fire going in the fireplace. Cocoa and swapping stories is in orfer. Happy Sunday to you both.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 months ago from Olympia, WA

      In real life the nightmare begins soon. I read this with a smile on my face and dread in my heart. :)

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Bill - There are going to be some set backs. That is for sure. Just hope the country is strong enough not to be fooled for long.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 4 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      I was watching the Golden Globes for a few minutes -- Jimmy Fallon's opening monologue. (I like Jimmy.) "And Game of Thrones is here tonight," he said, gesturing to the table where GOT actors were seated. "Everyone wonders what would have happened to the world if King Joffrey had lived," he added. But that's okay...we'll find out in 12 days."

      I just had to share that with you. No doubt, there'll be Tweets in the morning. Lol. Nite everyone. :-)

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna - Oh, those professional comedians sure have it all over this little corner of the world - thanks for sharing, good to know I am not the only one that sees this coming world as a rough run along the autobahns with a teenage mind at the wheel.

      Good night.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 4 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      And, sadly, a psychotic teenager like King Joffrey, at that. I didn't watch much of the awards program but I understand Meryl Streep received the Cecil B. DeMille Award. Trump attacked Meryl on Twitter due to her acceptance speech. For heaven's sake. Art does indeed imitate life. Hail, King Joffrey and King Fauntleroy.

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 4 months ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Am I too late for cocoa... :)

      This weekend passed too quickly for me - nice to find the camaraderie on this comment stream in the time I've been AWOL - reminds me of the good old days at Emerald Wells café.

      Ruby, sorry about your friend and will keep her in my thoughts and prayers. Genna, hope you can stay close to home as this snow clears.

      Mike, thanks for the laughs(?) in this episode...I will next be making a "This is Humor" for my... well everything come to think of it... :)

      Hugs to all and have a peaceful week, mar

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna - I went and found the clip you mentioned - yes, indeed funny. A funny thought, the more Fauntleroy is on Twitter, the less time he will have to do damage. I will have to do some research on King Joffrey, that may help with character development.Thanks for the cocoa.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Good morning mar. I think trying to make people laugh or even smile is a worthwhile cause. It will certainly be a challenge. People I know are still in shock and the dentist has not even said root canal yet. It is raining like crazy here this morning. I woke to a reindeer stampede this morning.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 4 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Just stopping by, again, for a quick hello. Mar, you were lucky in that it seems that the Helena Storm Helena passed you by, and hugged more of the coastline. I still have hot coca left over...on its way over to you now, with marshmallow and whipped cream topping. Enjoy your week.

      Mike, have fun researching Joffrey. I don't know if you watch Game of Thrones...I didn't until recently. I thought I would hate this series (I watch very few), but this one is addictive. A lot of detail, clever dialogue and metaphor, with seemingly disparate variables in complex story-lines that dovetail in unexpected ways. (George Martin is brilliant and insanely prolific.) Good to hear about the rain, although I hope you don't get too much.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna - I certainly will look into Joffery - There are plenty of villians out there to borrow traits from. I have heard of Game of Thrones, but have not seen much more than a few clips in passing. I guess, I have missed more good television. I appreciate the lead.

      I could not believe how hard the rain was coming down around 3 a.m. this morning. It was very impressive.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Did anyone watch Meryl Streep at The Golden Globes Awards? She put The Don down and he responded with a tweet that she was over-rated. Why am I shocked?, because she's one of the great humanitarians of our time. Thanks Mar for your prayers for Faris. I'm going to go see her today. Genna, I never thought about watching Game Of Thrones, I will now.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Ruby - I went and found the Golden Globes Award clip of Meryl Streep. She did a nice job of painting the man as what he is. Soon, all that kind of descent will be squashed. Even 'the news' will be blocked at many angles as the new regime grips the nation. Thanks for the information.

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 4 months ago from Texas

      Mike, this is so awesome, The Captain Midnight decoder ring on the pinky finger did not go unnoticed by Mini T. I wonder if I could sell my Captain Midnight decoder ring to Mini T.

      Send me an email, I have something to send you, I think you will like what I have for you, especially because Fauntleroy does not like its creator.

      Blessings my friend.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Shy - The Captain midnight ring, indeed. You saved your Captain Midnight ring? There must be a story there.

      I used the HP email system and sent you a note.

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