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Fauntleroy and Flossy – I.M.S.O.P.R.E.T.T.Y.

Updated on March 20, 2017

Fauntleroy sat at his desk opening a package with a letter opener used by Andrew Jackson. Once opened, he called, “Great.” Then he pushed the intercom button on the desk, “Find me Model T, it is an emergency.”

A few minutes later Model T bust into the office, “What is it?”

“Oh, there you are. The prepaid American Express cards have arrived via Tunisia. While I was waiting for you I made arrangements for you to use the situation room. I want you to get your team together and use the secure systems in the situation room to buy me Titter followers. I have been losing followers and I must keep my numbers up. My ratings mean everything.”

Model T looked at Fauntleroy, she walked over and looked at the stacks of prepaid AmEx cards, lifted them and walked out in an obvious huff.

Moments later the intercom on the desk announced, “Do you want American twitter followers, or more Russians? And I need your password.”

Fauntleroy frowned, “i.m.s.o.p.r.e.t.t.y.,” and he hung up.

Our Brilliant Plan Cannot Fail

“Russians. Russians, that reminds me. Get me, whoever issues work visas. We are going to use Russian labor to build the wall. They will be soldiers that we are going to bring in under the cover of work visas, to protect us here in the walled city of Gulag, D.C. Thank you for reminding me.” He said to Pet Peeve, who had entered the room. Fauntleroy rubbed his hands together.

Pet Peeve, rubbed his hands together. “Sir, we have been so clever. The people will never know what hit them. First the Wall Builder Brigade will start pushing through Texas and overwhelm their popgun defenses. Once the brigades that are vacationing in Mexico get their arms and heavy equipment traveling as construction equipment we can rush to the Capitol. Our fleet of speed boats will overwhelm the aircraft carrier off the coast of Mar-logo and our planes can take off and land there.”

The phone held in a hollowed out chuck of gold rang. “Hold on,” Fautleroy told Pet Peeve. Fauntleroy picked it up and listened, “You have Model T doing illegal work?”

The angry voice could be heard in the room.

“What are you saying?”

“Is she using prepaid AmEx credit cards to buy Twitter followers?”

“Listen, Mr. Model T. She is protected. She is in the situation room. She does not know the cards are counterfeit. She was my Model T first, you are just borrowing her.” Fauntleroy put his hand over the mouthpiece, “I need the room,” he told Pet Peeve. He looked around the room, “Con Con Connie, if you are in here please go.”

There was movement from behind the sofa. She stood, straightened her skirt and walked out of the room.

“Mr. Model T, I heard from an agent in Azerbaijan. He said that there is a gold mine in South Africa that is ripe to change hands. The government is very favorable to be bought, just like we just bought the American government. The money will come through the purchase of our luxury apartments and funneled right back to our people in Dubai. Our two families are going to own at least a third of the world when this is all through. Things are in motion. We will reign for a thousand years.”

This is a work of fiction. It is satire. It is parody. It will cure all your ailments. The ingredients were found in the great pyramids in the tombs beneath the sands of time. It is words leaving foot prints in the mushy primordial gore of the soul of the nation.

Fauntleroy and Flossy is not for everybody. Seek immediate medical care if swelling of the eyes and ankles occur. Doctors suggest placing your feet on the sofa, holding a tall glass of wine and reminiscing of brighter days, smarter administrations, and and fewer Russians in the White House, may offer temporary relief.

Anyone finding offense here - well good. Think back of all the wonderful things said about the last administration who was led by a statesman, rather than a con artist.

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A Man Like Putin - John Oliver Singers

© 2017 mckbirdbks

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    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 2 months ago from Olympia, WA

      We are witnessing history. Not particularly a great moment in our history, but history nonetheless. Will our nation wake up in time? I think that is the most important question raised to our people in decades. Great story here. I love political satire. I hear SNL is looking for a writer...just sayin'

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Bill - Thanks. There are plenty of voices being raised up against the current administration. I think even the republicans are starting to wonder if they will survive this presidency. I am guessing they do not. So many people are angry it is hard to imagine an election that does not bring everyone to the streets.

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 2 months ago from Jeffersonville PA

      "The coast of Mar-logo" is not an example of 'clouds of mar's coffee' (LOL) - just sayin'.

      Today's installment bypassed SPAM - yeah!

      I have a hankering to listen to my WSS soundtrack - so thanks for that. Hugs, mar

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      hello mar - I am sure HP is on to something sending these straight to the spam folder. I am sure Jimmy Buffet could write a song about mar-logo. Or Jimmy Fallon. Thanks for the visit to this fantasy land hypocrisies.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Where did you find that Putin video? Did you put it together? Each day the pot thickens, soon the soup will boil over and we will have a new election. ( Is this wishful thinking? ) I do not think I could dislike Con Con Connie any more, but you putting her behind the couch, did it. Such a sleaze!" Reign for a thousand years " The Devil popped in my mind when I read this line. I watched the hearings yesterday, soon we will have a new head of the FBI. What puzzles me the most is people still believing in him and thinking he is working to make their life better. Keep writing!

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Ruby – The Putin film is courtesy of the comic writers at John Oliver. There is actually a rock and roll version produced in Russia. It is an actual song that plays on their airways.

      As for Con con Connie, she is a great poster portrait for the administration. She is a person that can look you in the face and say anything, and will be appalled when you doubt her. She has said most of the anti-American statements.

      Comey did say a few things that gave the administration a much needed poke in the eye. He laid to rest the assertion that the towers were wiretapped, making Humpty Dumpty look like a fool worldwide. Even that does not redeem his undercutting Clinton. He should resign in disgrace.

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 2 months ago from North America

      Is that the letter opener Andy Jackson used to stab the Native Americans with, so to speak? AJ is a Trump soul mate, perhaps, and will show up as a ghost of presidents past, in the future.

      OMG, Russian labor. Please play the Song of the Volga Boat Men. Oh, let us just have a musical about it all--

      Yes, this could be a remake of Broadway's "Bloody Bloody Andrew Jackson" with Benjamin Walker (AJ) who also played lead in "Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter." ...And another Michael Friedman did the music and lyrics for BBAJ...Also, your mention of a Millenniel Reign is wonderful, while the 1/3 of the world the "two families" takes over, burns, per Bible prophecy -- I am doing cartwheels at the possibilities!! Where is Cecil B. DeMille when you need him?

      As they said in "Mad Max: Fury Road": 'What a day, What a lovely day!'

      You made MY day, Mike. Yippeee!

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Patty – You have me laughing. Fauntleroy and Flossy the musical. Look out ‘Hamilton’ there is a new guy in town. Pretty funny stuff. So many madmen have attempted to take over the world. The administration seeks to enrich itself well past the definition of gluttony. A quote seen says. “You can never be too greedy.” That seems to be the motto of the leaders of the nation.

      Now, to go learn the keyboard, so that I can get busy with the music.

      Thanks for such a rich comment.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 2 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Lol! Oh, where do I even begin? My favs: "... opening a package with a letter opener used by Andrew Jackson." "..the walled city of Gulag, D.C." "He looked around the room, “Con Con Connie, if you are in here please go.” "There was movement from behind the sofa. She stood, straightened her skirt and walked out of the room." And I love the name, Pet Peeve, and the reference to the "thousand year reign."

      Thank you for my laughter, Mike. I wonder how much time will pass before this, this -- it's a terrible thing to say but he reminds me of a hyena -- is impeached.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna - I saw a video clip today of a man walking out of a meeting bragging about getting a 'win'. He was so full of himself for bullying people to vote for a piece of legislation to take away 24 million American's health insurance. He was as happy/smug as could be. I hear he announced those that did not vote his way, would loss their house seats in the next election. Talk about damned if you do damned if you don't position. From the reports this whole thing is primarily a tax break for the wealthiest Americans. We are a disgrace as a nation.

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 2 months ago from Nashville Tn.

      "Anyone finding offense here - well good. Think back of all the wonderful things said about the last administration who was led by a statesman, rather than a con artist."

      Well said Mike! You know. I never thought I'd see the day when I'd feel such shame for my country. I'm so glad my parents have out-lived this fiasco.

      Thank you for bringing a comical flair and a bit of laughter - felt good.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Audrey, Much of what is done in Washington is aiding Russia. Russia has been the sworn enemy of the United States since I was a child. Those that fought communism in Korea and Viet Nam, must be angry as hell over this new policy.

      This administration is a shame on our country. Those that are defending what is going on will one day regret their actions.

      Notice the weak, elderly and children are the initial targets of the cuts. In my opinion the new president cannot make America small enough to fit his smallness.

      I do try and find a lite side. But it is a challenge.

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 2 months ago from Texas

      Mike, you have no idea how funny this is to me.

      My ankles are swollen,

      my eyes are red,

      I have ache in my head

      And even pain in my artificial hip

      But reading this is a sure cure

      Blessings and hugs my friend

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 2 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      I agree, Mike:

      CNN on Trump's Falsehoods:

      "Most recently, Obama, when selling Obamacare, told Americans that if they liked their doctor they could keep their doctor. President George W. Bush convinced the country that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction. And Bill Clinton lied about sex with a White House intern.

      But none come near Trump in the volume of their falsehoods: the Pulitzer Prize-winning website Politifact, on its Truth-o-Meter monitor, currently rates a staggering 70% of the President's statements as mostly false, false or "pants-on-fire.""

      Regarding Trump's die-hard supporters who continue to defend and cheer him, I hate to say this but we now have to wonder at the level of their character. The Presidency isn't some reality show. If they gain a kind of perverse enjoyment watching him toss the standards of this nation into a dumpster, they can't just "switch channels." The rest of us will not sit by and do nothing. And that includes the 72% of all eligible voters who never voted for him.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Shy – Thank you. I am glad that I could add a little humor to your day. The news is so disheartening that to laugh a little makes it easier to bear the onslaught of our senses.

      As always, I appreciate the blessings.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna – My gosh, an adult man had sex, with an adult woman. I am shocked at this Clinton scandal. My opinion of President Obama is that he had the welfare of the country at heart as he went about his task of running the country. His major ‘crime’ as far as I can tell is saving the country from a decade long depression. He borrowed money to do that. It is textbook Keynesian economics, taught in schools for five decades.

      As for what we have now, many of the actions are to make America smaller in the world. Why an American president would want to make us weaker brings great suspicion to my mind. That his policies are benefiting Russia is as plain as day. Why he still has followers at all is beyond me.

      You are right, the rest of us, will not sit by and watch this unfold as presented.

      I read today, that most voters don’t believe there is a WH-Russia connection. There clearly is much more than has come to light. Manafort may be a key.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 2 months ago from South Africa

      A gold mine in South Africa that is ripe to change hands.... Hahaha! If Fauntleroy wants to buy some goldmines, he will have to work through the Indians or Chinese, because 'White Capital' is about to be demolished in SA.

      Old Faunty believing that he's going to reign for a thousand years reminds me of the ANC who believe they're going to reign until Jesus comes.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Martie – You may be right, but a shell company could be set up in an instant. I also think the leaders in SA have less influence than they think when it comes to international flows of money. There seems to be oceans of money floating around the world. Much of it in hands of people motivated only by self interests.

    • kallini2010 profile image

      kallini2010 2 months ago from Toronto, Canada

      "We will reign for a thousand years" - I just have watched a documentary "The Dark Charisma of Adolf Hitler" - it stated that Hitler has never changed, what changed was the situation.

      He was believed to have such charisma and exceptional persuasion powers, where, in fact, his charisma worked because people wanted to hear what he was saying. People believed that he knew what he was doing. Charisma is a phenomenon that needs the other (better?) half - the people, the crowd, the followers, the supporters. I believe we should shift the focus to who is that other better half for Trump.

      I believe, the Orange Twitter King has enough of those. It was interesting what Hitler said about "his people" when Berlin was falling, "Who cares about so-called civilians? They will die anyway". As appalling as it sounds, it's true, isn't it?

      Seniors won't get their meals, but who cares? They will die anyway - the sooner the better - they will cost the society less. I know one country where it was an implicit idea. Wait, it still is.

      Where did you find this hymn to Putin? I'm curious - do you know what the Russian song is about?

      Hitler was often surprised with what he could get away with. History repeats itself. It always does.

      I think solving the Mexico problem is easy - organize a blockade of sorts and make them starve - it will cost less than building a wall and then take their territory. Boom. Problem solved. I solved it for you. Boom.

      "This guy is lying. Boom. He said he was going to ask a simple question. Well, he lied. This is not a simple question. Sit down. Sit down. You will not find a guy who loves Mexico as much as I do, believe me. Boom. We are going to send all the bad dudes away. I solved it for you. Boom. I have no relationship with Putin. Like we are not married or anything. Not that I know of."

      There was a program in the "Late Show with Stephen Colbert" and "Trevor Noah Show" on Sunday, both about 45 min long comparing Trump with Hitler. I thought - I'll watch it tomorrow. Tomorrow they were gone.

      Boom. I guess the problem was sold. Boom. The bad programs were send away. Believe me. Believe me.

      You know one of his magic powers is constant simplistic repetition. It sounds stupid, but it's surprisingly effective.

      Usually, building towers that are too tall, castles that are too big, walls that are too thick and too beautiful and making your own "so-called" people suffer (they'll die anyway) does nothing but bring about a complete downfall.

      Quantitative changes will result in qualitative changes.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Svetlana – There are so many mixed signals coming from the those in the Capitol. The initial rhetoric was straight off the Nationalist Party doctrine of 1933, that saw rise to the conflicts of WWII. Then we are invited to go further East where those that have been proclaimed the sworn enemies of the United States for my entire lifetime are held up as our friends in the fight against ISIS. (A force first reported as 10,000 soldiers.) In the process, many of the U.S. allies since WWII have been insulted.

      Watch more funny videos

      This is the link to the first Putin song video. I heard about it on the John Oliver program.

      Такого как Путин / One Like Putin, English Subs

      https://youtu.be/zk_VszbZa_s

      It was explained that it is about, the women of Russia want a strong, and rich man as their counterparts. Hey, just like American women.

      I do suppose that the president has a certain appeal or charisma that a small number of dedicated followers find attractive. They certainly do not speak for the country as a whole. Though they have captured the megaphone.

      The Riech was intended to last one thousand years. My guess is that this reign will be able to be measured with a cheap watch. The clock is ticking.

      As a civilization, taking care of the weak and needful should be a matter of policy. Instead the policy is, as you say, let them die, there are of no concern to the masters of the universe.

      Weakening America from within is the only way the downfall can occur. Are we on that path?

    • kallini2010 profile image

      kallini2010 2 months ago from Toronto, Canada

      1. Yes. Yes. Yes. As a country you are on that path. It is only a matter of time.

      You know the truth about skin diseases? You can be sick for years and nobody would suspect anything, but once you see it on the skin, you know - things are wrong inside, very wrong. If you know where and how to look, you can see a lot of "info" before it becomes visible to everyone else.

      So, I see Trump as a breakout like psoriasis. It's a ghastly sight.

      2. There is absolutely no controversy. Germany and Russia were sworn enemies. On the surface. Do you know that concentration camps were established in Russia long before Germans? What I did not know - Germans visited Russia to study and learn - they just made their camps more effective and organized. I don't know whose were worse. The medical "experiments" that Nazi are famous for? They were not there first.

      That a starvation technique was used by Stalin in the Ukraine? But in Germany it's over with all the consequences of public outrage, disgust, but in Russia? Where are those countless films and books?

      I thought I knew enough about the Soviet regime until I saw the film "The Soviet Story" - I highly recommend it. Part of it is real footage showing NKVD (KGB) and SS officers having jolly good parties together.

      "The Dark Charisma of Adolf Hitler" - I also recommend it - skip a few Trump triumphant shows and watch the film.

      3. Who cares about offending anyone? Power is power - it's above those who are offended. They do not matter. You can sacrifice thousands, millions... You know, it was done before. It will be done after.

      4. The song - I was just wondering to what extent you understand the lyrics. It felt sickening, but to my horror - effective - music bypasses your reasoning mind, especially if it is your language. The repetitiveness of it worms itself into your mind and does their dirty job long after you hear the song. You cannot "un-hear" it.

      Another aspect of it - PROPAGANDA. Goebbels was an artistic soul. Art is pervasive.

      It took me a long time to realize that by using English, I have a protection layer, it resides in my reasonable brain. Words don't go straight to my heart and soul. But Russian does and I cannot help it.

      I don't listen to the modern crap music, I don't read their modern garbage and I don't enjoy THEIR polluted degraded language. I don't follow their politics. Once I knew that the president was a former KGB (whatever he was) - I said - it is the end. There is no FORMER KGB. They finally got what they wanted - power - and made it official. Someone is offended? Too bad.

      But I also think that this is an ultimate path to destruction and downfall. It's all a matter of time.

      There is one rule about power - it never knows when to stop. It overextends. It is the fate of all great powers.

      Roman empire

      British empire

      Ottoman Empire

      Napoleon

      Hitler

      the Soviet Union

      and probably many more.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Svetlana - I will see if I can locate the two films you mention. I am aware that the Russians killed millions in their quest for power. They did not even have to leave their own country to find their prey.

      I am sorry I gave you the link to the Putin song. There have been a line of murders recently of those that would be witness to crimes involving Russian authority. There is no hiding the ideology, that no one will stand in his way.

      You are right all empires collapse.

      Don't let the U.S. politics wear you down.

    • kallini2010 profile image

      kallini2010 2 months ago from Toronto, Canada

      Mike - "The Soviet Story" is on youtube - the whole film. I don't know where you can get "The Dark Charisma".

      I guess you have to hurry before all the books are burnt and all the movies destroyed. Hint: you can have some hidden in your basement in print form. All the online stuff is not reliable. Nazis were fighting culture, the Soviets were fighting culture in much the same way.

      There is no need to be sorry about the song - I am glad I learn bits and pieces from your articles - I am curious how the Soviet waves are received here. (Only I don't want to admit that I am Russian. I feel ashamed, guilty without committing a crime).

      Power Against (Versus?) People - that is the universal world order.

      P.S. Maybe you watched "Downfall" - a German film about the last days of Hitler. The interesting detail - "We have looked everywhere trying to find a perfect location for the movie about Berlin smashed to pieces - and we found it - in Russia, in Saint-Petersburg (formerly Leningrad, the city that was under the blockade for two years, the city starved to death, where part of my family miraculously survived). You know, we Germans and Russians are very much alike".

      I concur. It's not Russians, Germans or Americans, Syrians, Chinese and everybody else. Its Power vs People.

      Brace yourself.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Svetlana - I watched 'The Soviet Story' this afternoon. I thought I was an educated person, but I am not. I knew that millions were killed in the Soviet Union beginning in 1918-19. I did not know it continued right up to and right after WWII.

      Your information makes Putin even darker.

      Yes, perhaps we should all brace ourselves. The population is armed.

      Thanks for reading my satire about the current regime.

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