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Fauntleroy and Flossy – Microwave Chronicle

Updated on March 25, 2017

Fauntleroy sat in the WH cafeteria surrounded by his Cabinet, all except Toilman, who had not been seen since he got lost in Asia. The maniacal laughter bouncing off the gold colored walls came to a screeching halt when a voice came from the microwave.

“I am the spirit of William Quantrill.”

Con con Connie, went and kneeled in front of the microwave. Pet Peeve crossed his hands in front of his crotch. Banshee leaned back in his chair and stuffed a handful of Cheetos in his mouth; the orange crumbs the only color on his pallid face. Fauntleroy glared, wondering who dared interrupt him.

Perrier, head of the Energy Department, went and checked the plug of the microwave.

The voice coming from the microwave said, “Sit down, Waterhead!”

Perrier went and sat.

“You are operating a guerilla war, deep inside enemy territory. Your iron fist, crap is not going to win you any battles. You are too small a force. You, Fautleroy are using sabotage brilliantly, but you can’t do it all by yourself. Banshee, you need hit-and-run tactics. You can’t take down the entire house with the strength you have now. Con con, Connie, the citizens are arming against you, you have to increase your mobility. You holding your crotch. What is your name again?” He glanced at his notes, “Pet Peeve, you just need to shut up.” The bell went off on the microwave. When the ringing stopped, the voice said, “The South will rise again.”

The room went back to maniacal laughter.

Perrier went and looked into the microwave. It was empty. He put his wrapped 7-Eleven burrito inside and pushed the popcorn button.

Banshee lifted his 64 oz Robert E. Lee, plastic rebel cup and slurped his diet vodka.

“Cruella.” It was a question. Is public education still alive?” Fauntleroy asked.

“I have moved much of the funding toward our private school corporation. Only ‘approved children’ will be attending school in the near future.” She winked, in approval of the plan to save their tax dollars. “Why educated them, when they will grow up to earn, $0.15 an hour, as we begin to compete with India and China.”

“I forget,” Fauntleroy began, “which one of you is head of Labor?” There was a long pause, “Anybody? Anybody?”

Banshee wiped crumbs from his face. The microwave beeped, and Con con Connie lifted her arms and bowed. Perrier, opened the microwave and removed his steaming burrito.

At that moment, Model T and Mr. Model T entered the WH cafeteria. Model T put a hundred dollar bill in the carriage tray on the Czarbucks Coffee Machine and made her selection. “Want anything?” She asked Mr. Model T. “It’s on the taxpayers.” She took a sip of her Czarbucks beverage grande latte containing 99 extra shots of espresso and 17 pumps of vanilla syrup, mocha and matcha powder.

Mr. Model T. did the same choosing a Venti Czarbucks Flat White with 195 mg of caffeine provided by 3 ristretto shots.

The couple walked out, wide-eyed.

Fauntleroy watched his daughter go.

“Yeah, and we get a cut of every sale.”

The room went back to maniacal laughter.

Disclaimer


This is a work of fiction. It is a work of friction. It is a work of diction. And it is a work of depiction. No microwaves were injured during the construction of this piece. There was use of prescription, and trouble with description. And there is hope for administrative decomposition.

Fauntleroy and Flossy are not for everyone. Even Flossy is having trouble dealing with Fauntleroy.

The South will rise again - Obedient Servants

First Amendment

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© 2017 mckbirdbks

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    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 4 months ago from Texas

      Mike, I love it especially the Czarbucks Coffee Machine, I'll have what she's having, then I can go to the ER for a cocktail that will knock me out for a couple of days.

      You are doing a great job, keep up the good work.

      Blessings always my friend.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 4 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Perrier (Rick Perry) a.k.a. Waterhead. Lol. And we all know who Banshee and Cruella are. And the Czarbucks Coffee Machine. "No microwaves were injured during the construction of this piece." The Microwave Chronicles, this "work of friction and diction," will take us many places, I'm sure. Just brilliant, Mike.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 4 months ago from Queensland Australia

      A brilliant piece of satire, Mike. Your talent as a writer knows no bounds.

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 4 months ago from Jeffersonville PA

      I had only 'heard reference' to Inspector Gadget (and his Brain).

      Seeing him on the video clip almost made me splash my coffee (fortunately brewed at the NoBucks abode)!

      Where the heck is Flossy? I'm sure she is not at all into Fast Food at the WH Cafeteria...but not even a "Venti Czarbucks Flat White with 195 mg of caffeine provided by 3 ristretto shots." Oh, she may be wide-eyed enough...

      Have a good weekend, dear Mike - off to inspect my microwave. Hugs, mar

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 months ago from Southern Illinois

      After reading this I am going to make sure everything I buy is made in America! Czarbucks coffee machine is not so farfetched. I'm surprised they had electricity with knucklehead heading the Department Of Energy. You made me laugh again, and I needed that, although I lol yesterday at the look on Faunt's face when his health care plan went up in smoke. I watched the Quantrill video, interesting....

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Shy – Thanks for the blessings. The Czarbucks idea came to me late last night. I changed it just before publishing. Have a nice weekend, no ER.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna – I am surprised that Perrier could find the microwave plug. Thanks for your kind comment. I appreciate the support. I almost made the coffee machine launder money that went straight to a bank in Cyprus. Have a good weekend.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello John. Thanks for the visit. Don’t give me too much credit. These are easy people to make fun of as they parade by the television screen. I hope all is well in your new adventure.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello mar. I was lead to inspector gadget by Con Con Connie. I had heard reference also, but not until this week did I investigate. And ‘where the heck is Flossy is a good question. She might be reading her prenup agreement.

      My article got snipped by HP. Two callouts were eliminated. I put one back, so I might anger the HP folks.

      Have a good weekend.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Ruby – You likely will be unable to buy anything made in America. I have tried to do just that. I was looking for one of those metal travel coffee cups with a lid. I flipped all four offerings over to see where they were made. It was 3 China and one somewhere in Malasia or something.

      It was good to see some egg frying on the egotistical faces in Washington yesterday.

      We have to congratulate congress. By shear force of folly, they did something good.

      Have a good weekend.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 months ago from Olympia, WA

      The disclaimer is classic! I was already laughing when I hit that last paragraph, and then Bev had to ask me why I was howling. So well done...I'm in a great mood already because of the health care debacle....times they are a'changin', my friend.

    • profile image

      Genna East 4 months ago

      "I am surprised that Perrier could find the microwave plug." Lol. He's not only a non-scientist (he had a 1.88 GPA in the science courses in his major at Texas A&M) and hopelessly unfit for his Cabinet post, I don't think he even knows where the DOE is.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Trump is blaming the Democrats for the health care fiasco when it was the Republicans who were running scared. They care more about keeping their job's than the people who put them in office. I can finally see some daylight over the white house?

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hi Bill – Glad that I could start your day with a laugh. How often does that happen? We all have the right to take a little victory walk. I tweeted a congratulations to Congress, as they through shear folly did something good. Imagine the Tea Party remnant accidently doing something good, because it was, ‘not draconian enough to suit them’

      Now we all have to keep screaming.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna – Each cabinet member was appointed and handed a sledge hammer to go and tear down the department they were appointed to head. The Russian goal is to make America smaller, because they cannot get bigger. Every action undertaken makes America smaller. In the world only Russia benefits from a smaller American. Russia House seems more appropriate than White House.

      Little PR was smiling, walking down the hall toward the podium, to announce the sad, sad day. He failed to give the one percent the tax cut he has promised for seven years. This group is bound by their crimes.

      What was the question? haha Perrier does not know what he is doing. It is like hiring your cousin.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hi Ruby - It is a classic move to blame the Democrats. He can do no wrong. And apparently he can do no right either. The agenda got stopped. but they will stand up and begin to push again. The people did a brilliant job at defense and must continue to made their voices heard. Democrats have to learn to fight. Time has run out to be passive and just go about our daily chores.

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 4 months ago from North America

      Mr. Perrier is "Weak as water, weak as water!" (from Are You Being Served?)

      Our local Cinemark theater does have a Starbucks Coffee Machine, but only two choices. We commoners must suffer.

      If we're going to have actors or pretenders (like Charles the Pretender) in office, court, and cabinet, I prefer Keifer Sutherland, Kal Penn, Keith Carradine, and Tea Leoni. Let us ask them to stage a takeover.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Patty – I hear Federal prison in the springtime is excellent. Many of those occupying Russia House, will be serving time there soon. Perhaps all of them should serve out their four year term together.

      It is possible that Federal prosecutors are going to take away the main characters in this satire. We can hope. In the mean time we have to make a fight of it at every pace. The choice is being pushed over the cliff.

      Starbucks coffee machines? I am so far behind the times.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 4 months ago from South Africa

      “Sit down, Waterhead!” Hahaha!

      Mck, I just love your interpretation of reality. What a farce!

      People can't see their own transparent self; others see what they are not able to see, and that is why people should consider the opinions of others and do the necessary introspection.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Martie - Thank you. ‘Waterhead’ is a fitting description. What a mess we find ourselves in here and I guess around the world. We are in a fight. We have to recognize that and react. Those that have taken over the government are transparent, and their goals are transparent.

      Thanks for stopping by his little corner of the conflict.

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