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Fauntleroy and Flossy – The 3 A.M. Call

Updated on February 21, 2017

Fauntleroy lay in bed with his night light on. He reached over and grabbed the green phone from the bank of phones. He dialed and waited for an answer.

“Oh, I am so glad you picked up,” Fauntleroy began. “I had that dream again.”

The reassuring voice of Dr. Fraudslov said. “The one where you are standing in the middle of the field without any clothes.”

“Yes, that one. Tonight there was a Muslim wave coming from the East, and a Mexican army pushing from the South.” Fauntleroy took a deep breath, “Mounties were storming from the North and my God, from the West, were Movie-moguls.”

“What do you suppose it all means?” Fauntleroy panted. “I clearly have an M obsession. The M’s are out to get me.”

“Relaxing, I can simply prove that is not true. You like Mud Dog, McFlint, Marlago, Munchin, Men, Medications, and Money.”

“WAIT, go back.”

“Money?”

“No, further back.”

“Medications?”

“No, one more, I think.”

“Men?” Dr. Fraudslov smiled. I thought you knew. This also is easy to demonstrate. When your Press Secretary first appeared on TV, after he was done, you called and told him to wear nicer clothes. You have the gay gene for sure. You are the only president in history to wake at four a.m. and have two male hair stylists waiting for you. Then the make-up team arrives. So, please tell me you knew. Did you just have a dream where you stood in a field without clothes and had armies of men pursuing you? Where there any women around?”

“I won the electoral college by the most votes in the history of the world. First, they said, 207, was impossible, then 220 but there was no chance at 270. But I got more, more, more, 306. More than anybody.”

Dr. Fraudslov put the phone down on the night stand. He had heard this speech before.

An hour later Fauntleroy hung up the phone. His two shirtless hair stylist had entered the room. He leaned over and put his arm around the life sized mannequin of Flossy. “Good morning, Flossy. Time for me to go to work.”

The staff of stylists and makeup artists began their day.

Fauntleroy picked up the red phone. “I am sitting here looking at the flag of Mexico. Look at the nice bold pattern, Red, White and Green and an Eagle. Why didn’t Betsy DeVous, pick red, white and green when she made the American Flag? So much nicer. So much more aesthetic.”

“Sir, Betsy Ross is credited with designing the flag.”

“Betsy Ross, then why did we give Betsy Devous a job? I thought she designed the flag. What did she do?”

“Nothing, sir.”

“We can still fix this. Maybe a flag with three stripes, one white on top, one red in the middle and one blue at the bottom. And throw one red star, on a white background in the center.”

“Sir, that sounds like the flag North Korea is currently using. I’ll check. Maybe, it is Russia’s flag.”

“Oh, that may be where I saw it.” Fauntleroy sat down the red phone.

This is a work of fiction. No Russian psychologist, psychiatrist or tarot card reader was consulted during its manufacture. All military forces are as fiction in this writing as they are in the real world.


Readers on antidepressants should put Fauntleroy and Flossy out of their of their own minds, just like Fauntleroy and Flossy are out of their minds. Call your health care provider right away if you become severely ill or become confused or these symptoms: high fever, excessive sweating, rigid muscles, confusion, or changes in your breathing, heartbeat or blood pressure appears. Fauntleroy and Flossy may cause smile lines on cheeks and forehead.

Avoid eating grapefruit or drinking grapefruit juice while you read Fauntleroy and Flossy. It is often sour enough without additional assistance.

You should not drive or operate hazardous machinery until you know how Fauntleroy and Flossy affects you. (Or any other time.) At the time of this writing, there are immigrants that will do these jobs.

Source

H.R. 899: To terminate the Department of Education.

Sponsor: Rep. Thomas Massie [R-KY4]

Introduced: Feb 7, 2017

Referred to Committee: Feb 7, 2017

govtrack.us

H.J.Res. 41: Providing for congressional disapproval under chapter 8 of title 5, United States Code, of a rule submitted by the Securities and Exchange Commission relating to “Disclosure of Payments by Resource Extraction Issuers”.

Sponsor: Rep. Bill Huizenga [R-MI2]

Introduced: Jan 30, 2017

Enacted — Signed by the President: Feb 14, 2017

www.GovTrack.us. 2017. February

T..... organization opens golf course in Dubai. France24

.

This is here to let you know, it is just global business as usual.

First Amendment

First Amendment:. Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

“If tyranny and oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.” ― James Madison

The Beatles Nowhere Man 1966

Gimme Shelter 1969 - The Rolling Stone

The Guess Who No sugar tonight / new mother nature

© 2017 mckbirdbks

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    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 4 weeks ago from Jeffersonville PA

      “If tyranny and oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.” ― James Madison

      Yesterday while walking on campus, an unknown student smiled at me and wished me a "Happy President's Day". I felt a surge of hope and inspiration about our future for a good part of my day. When I got home, I took the dogs for a walk instead of watching the news - highly recommended by the way.

      Your Disclaimer is a doozy - I'm ready to listen to your strong / classic musical selections.

      Hugs and, oh yes, good morning, mar

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello mar. Good morning. I am glad the student so kindly offered hope. See, a simple greeting renewed your faith that everything can turn out OK.

      Thanks for the early visit. Seems I just pushed the publish button a few minutes ago. The dogs have been walked. The grand-dog was picked up yesterday afternoon, so just two walks around the block this morning.

    • Venkatachari M profile image

      Venkatachari M 4 weeks ago from Hyderabad, India

      Very much entertaining. Enjoyed it a lot. Hope for more Presidents and more stories.

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 4 weeks ago from North America

      "H.B. 899: To terminate the Department of Education" -- Oh good! I don't have to pay that $32,000 student loan a SECOND time now (Dept of Educ said they lost the payments). My lawyer can take a day off now.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 weeks ago from Southern Illinois

      Muslin obsession is an understatement! The M list is soo comical and probably close to the truth. lol...I don't think the Gay community would welcome him. Betsy Ross, who would've believed? ME...I watched The View this morning, and they had Chuck Schumer on. He thinks it's just a matter of time before the Republicans realize they must stand against him. Thanks for the laugh. I needed it.....

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Venkatachari M, thank you for your visit and nice comment.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Patty - I hope (but doubt) you are kidding about that student loan. H.B. 899: To terminate the Department of Education is real according to govtrack. Perhaps it is time to contact a soon to be unemployed federal worker and have them delete you from their system.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Ruby - I don't see the republicans breaking ranks. Their handlers have them in total control. They are not people, they are automations that have been bought and paid for. It looks like the Russians are the purchasers. Boy, a I a cheery person.

      I am seeing more of the, 'can't we all get along' language. The answer is no.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 weeks ago from Southern Illinois

      I echo your NO! We will never give in to this type of control. Keep writing!

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 4 weeks ago from North America

      That is a good idea, Mike! But, I think we still need a Dept. of Educ.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      H.R. 899: To terminate the Department of Education.

      Sponsor: Rep. Thomas Massie [R-KY4]

      Introduced: Feb 7, 2017

      Referred to Committee: Feb 7, 2017

      That is real - Betsy Devous wants to close the department down. That is why she is there.

      Odd thing the Department of Education has just been around since the 80's.

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 4 weeks ago from North America

      Many mistakes being made in govt, I think.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      TRUMP TO UNDO OBAMA ADMINISTRATION’S CLEAR AIR AND WATER RULES THROUGH EXECUTIVE ACTION - this is a headline I saw today. So, I agree, many mistakes.

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 4 weeks ago from North America

      Oh, no; now we are not permitted to breathe or have water...unless maybe we buy a high price permit from Trump to get it from his secret, branded supplies of same?

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hi Patty - I can see the wealthy thinking they can afford to purify their water. I do wonder what they think they are going to do for air. It is a mystery. It is like a fire hydrant was been knocked over (the accident) and now we have to deal with the flood.

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 4 weeks ago from North America

      Good imagery!

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 weeks ago from Olympia, WA

      You crack me up! The words "clear and present danger" come to mind. I wonder why? :)

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hi Patty - Thanks

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hi Bill - Funny you mention, John Grisham. I was thinking where is he. This is a great story, if it were fiction. A Moscow mafia coup of the United States government. The people turned against each other, as each side is stunned by the reaction to the other side. A silent Congress? Courts speaking out all over the country. A rubber stamp Senate? And squirreled away in the White House, Lenninist and other moles.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 4 weeks ago from South Africa

      Now I know when he gets time to tweet.

      Thanks for making me smile, Mck!

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Thanks Martie. The Twitter-in-Chief will figure it out sooner or later. Likely, later. I had an idea that a rich Democrat (is there such a thing) should buy Twitter and close it down. That might be the wake up call that is needed.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 4 weeks ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Hi Mike. I'm sorry I'm late in commenting. I almost missed this one! I have to echo all of the above comments. I can't add anything more, or better, except that I admire your courage in continuing with this series. I've recently learned that people can be nasty to others in posting comments on hubs they don't agree with. Soldier on, my friend! :-)

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna - I have only one attack on this series. It was directed at me personally. I deleted the comment and unfollowed the person. If there was a method to block someone on HP, I would do that as well.

      You believe those that disagree are looking for a discussion. I hold no such thought. There is a 'winning is everything' attitude in their behavior. Giving them voice just encourages them. Though there is the benefit of consuming their time.

      Thanks for staying with these stories. I think John Grisham needs to tackle this story.

    • WillStarr profile image

      WillStarr 4 weeks ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Superb satire, Mike! Well done.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 weeks ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hi Will - I am trying to keep some humor in the mixture of whatever this cake is that is being made.

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