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Fauntleroy and Flossy – The Ghosts of Presidents Past

Updated on March 28, 2017

Fauntleroy glanced away from his image in the mirror towards his wife. “What did you say? I look so good.”

Flossy sat at her dressing table, applying her morning face. “Why do they tease me so, darling?”

Fauntleroy turned back toward the mirror. “You offered a small gift out of respect. That’s all. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Darling, I don’t understand Americans. I give a poor black family a small gift, and people are critical. We don’t give poor black families anything, and people are critical.”

“We will punish all those that hurt any of us. Laws are being passed all over the country to prevent protesters. We will block the right to assemble at every turn. Just Saturday we stopped Canadians from crossing the border.”

“Darling, isn’t that unconstitutional?”

“The constitution is what I say it is. The people are weak; we need to tell them what to think and what to do. They will be happy to get clean drinking water. The age of regulations is over. Capitalism unleashed, that is what is needed.”

Flossy opened a $200.00 jar of Lancôme, on the table, “Darling, I have a moisturizer to cover my flaws.”

Russian Slogan

Ба́ры деру́тся -- у холо́пов чубы́ треща́т.

When the rich make war it's the poor that die.

Fauntleroy straightened his tie and left the room. He was late for a Cabinet Meeting.

Fauntleroy sat at the center of the large corporate table. His generals sat, fanning out on his right and left in order of importance.

Vader began talking. In just moments Fauntleroy’s eyes glazed over, and the words flowed toward him, but did not penetrate his consciousness. His mind drifted, and the first vision of ghosts of presidents past appeared.

The phantom George Washington, standing at the front of the craft crossing the Delaware was the first to enter the sleep state that Fauntleroy found himself. He looked directly into Fauntleroy’s eyes and said, “Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder.” Then George turned back as if to go and had a second thought. He turned back and said, “I stand at the front of the boat, but the boat goes nowhere without the people to row and steer.”

Fauntleroy waved his hand. The people sitting with him took it as a signal to continue, but Fauntleroy was just trying to chase off the image.

The proud spirit of Thomas Jefferson appeared.

“Why does your hair look so funny?” Fauntleroy asked. Each member of the cabinet raised their hand to their hair.

Sir, indeed, sir. Why does your hair look so funny?” Thomas Jefferson affronted by this man.

“Ok, Ok, what is your advice? Why have you found your way into my consciousness?”

“Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.” Thomas offered.

“Yeah, yeah. I knew that. Didn’t Norman Vincent Peale say that?”

Norman who? He may have, but I said it first.” Jefferson paused, “This is not a debate.

James Madison tapped Jefferson on the shoulder. “Here, please let me try. Faunt, pay attention. The purpose of separation of church and state is to keep forever from these shores the ceaseless strife that has soaked the soil of Europe with blood for centuries.”

Madison looked deeply at Fauntleroy’s expression. “Nope, he is not getting it.” The ghost of Madison put his hands on his hips and tapped his foot. “See if we can find Teddy.”

Fauntleroy mumbled, “you idiots go away.” His Secretary of Education and his Secretary of Energy got up and left the meeting.

The large imposing figure of Teddy Roosevelt entered the room and took a big stick and hit the mahogany table. It startled the living. “Listen, do you hear me? To announce that there must be no criticism of the president... is morally treasonable to the American public. Get it through your head man.” Teddy paused. “Come on you guys, let’s head over to the President’s club, I am buying. The first round only; no offense, George. Maybe he will get it; maybe he will not.”

The cabinet collectively cleared their throats. Fauntleroy waved at an invisible fly. The two former generals stood and left the room.

“I am the ghosts of presidents present,” an educated New England voice said. A young, well-groomed man stood before Fauntleroy. “Let us not seek the Republican answer or the Democratic answer, but the right answer. Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past. Let us accept our own responsibility for the future.” John F. Kennedy stood there, hands at his sides, unlike Teddy Roosevelt’s entrance. “This is important. Make a mental correction in your thinking. ‘Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of liberty.’ Kennedy paused and looked over his shoulder at his brother. “Do you want to head over to the President’s club, and have a drink? I am sure I can get you in. Is there anyone out in the hall?”

Robert looked over his shoulder, then back. “Barack wants to know if only dead presidents get to give advice.”

John called back, “What the hell, let him in.”

“Look,” Barack said. “I know we just spoke last week, but this is important. We, the People, recognize that we have responsibilities as well as rights; that our destinies are bound together; that a freedom which only asks what's in it for me, a freedom without a commitment to others, a freedom without love or charity or duty or patriotism, is unworthy of our founding ideals, and those who died in their defense. He paused, “If you remember that and what the others mentioned, you might be alright.” He tossed a Tiffany box down on the table in front of Fauntleroy. “Please give this back to Flossy. We won’t be needing your letter of recommendation.”

Fauntleroy mumbled, “is that all.”

A voice in his head said, “Just one more.”

“Get on with it, this is no way to run a meeting,” Fauntleroy said to the empty room.

“I am the ghost of the President’s future.” The voice said, with a thick Russian accent. “If you invite a United Socialist Soviet Europe, you will end with a United Socialist Soviet America.”

Marine Staff Sergeant Timothy Hargrove walked into the room with the help of a pair of crutches. At six foot three and two hundred and twenty pounds, he was formidable. His right pant leg neatly pinned near the knee. “Sir, my name is Sergeant Timothy Hargrove. They call me ‘Tiny Tim.’ I heard what all those men of history had to say.” Tim made a face. “I’d like to say something also.” He paused again. “Don’t screw this up.”

Source

Fauntleroy woke and looked around. “I am going to cook your goose.”

Maniacal laughter followed.

Disclaimer

This dramatization is a Dicksonian fictionalization from an unutterable imagination. It is fiction. No presidents were injured during the production of this event. Historical representations are used to emphasize the kaleidoscope perspectives as presented to the general public. All presidential sounding quotes were drawn from the well known BrainyQuotes.com. All non-presidential utterances are that of the author and the imagined official chatter that will be lost to history.

This writing is offered without warranty. Consult your history, consult your Father’s, hell, consult your consultants; all will tell you the same thing. Take note, if today we are told that Russia is the friend of the United States, then everything you have been told up, from the day you entered school until now is wrong.


Fauntleroy and Flossy is not for everyone. The slogan, “Advancing the Kingdom of God,” can be interpreted as ‘doomsday.’ Aggressive behavior has been witnessed in unfettered religious zealots in trial samplings throughout history. The ethnic cleansers and the torturers spouted righteousness.


“Goodness without wisdom always accomplishes evil.”
― Robert A. Heinlein


If challenges in concentration occur, stop reading Fauntleroy and Flossy immediately as craving for cocaine may intensify.



First Amendment

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

New administration orders media blackout at EPA

Russian Slogan

Болтуна язык до добра не доведёт.

A fool's tongue runs before his feet.

Historical/Hysterical Footnote

The Constitution of the Russian Federation has provided all citizens the right to free healthcare under Mandatory Medical Insurance since 1996.

Out Fox

America

CNN on-screen graphic rips Kellyanne Conway: 'Alternative Facts Are Lies'

Liar, Liar - The Castaways (1965)

© 2017 mckbirdbks

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    • mckbirdbks profile image
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      mckbirdbks 8 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Yes, every one of these could be concluded with WTF??? It is a good signature. You might have to take a turn at political satire.

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 8 months ago from Central Florida

      I agree. He's also renting suites to the FBI and CIA (I may have that wrong, but it's two security entities) in Trump Towers for when he's there. WTF????

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 8 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Sha - The day after his 2016 election win, he went and filed the papers for his 2020 run. That makes it legal for him to continue collecting campaign funds from his supporters. No, I cannot believe his audacity. He needs to be shown the door.

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 8 months ago from Central Florida

      I love this edition, Mike. I wish past presidents would visit Trump. Maybe he'd learn something. But he won't. He's too narcissistic to see what he's doing to this country. And it hasn't even been a month since he's been in office! I'm going to cover my eyes. Maybe he won't see me.

      Believe it or not, he's planning a trip to Melbourne, FL this weekend to campaign for his re-election in 2020! Can you believe his audacity?

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 8 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Svetlana - As you are a practitioner of comedy, I am sure that you see many things both colorful and humorous in world affairs. Yes, there is plenty of material. Caution must be observed, as a dozen clowns climb out of the tiny car.

      I studied economics, to no avail, but, I see calamity at the end of the paths we are being led down. In California the hard work is being down by the strong young men of Hispanic background. California would be quite dull without the Spanish culture that is so deeply rooted here.

    • kallini2010 profile image

      kallini2010 8 months ago from Toronto, Canada

      Hello, Mike:

      I did not know about Canadians being stopped at the border - I'm glad I'm reading the news digest here - I'm so far away from politics (I got my vaccination against news and politics and the amount of truth involved in it) in my infancy. So, no, I'm not following the political currents. I reckon if anything really important happens, I'll know.

      I guess Trump is loud enough to ignore. It's even harder to ignore all the emotional upheaval he caused.

      I'm more worried about Mexicans being stopped at the border - if Trump continues to raise the temperature of the boiling pot - what will happen?

      I know one rule - if one suffers, everybody suffers - America won't be happy by making Mexicans angry and miserable.

      The expression you used is correct, what I meant was since it's not that often we encounter the word, whatever happens to be the closest in spelling gets scanned into the head first. So, in this case I read "women of lower class".

      I'm sure you have plenty of those "misreadings" - letter transpositions and all.

      As far as translations go - there is only one literal translation and then many translations of the meaning (literal translations rarely work). In this case, it's a very colourful expression. (Rich men fight, their servants' hair crack? crackle? (make that ferocious sound before breaking up or off). You see how my literal translation goes? A mess.

      I find your series very entertaining. And you'll have plenty of material - Donald Trump is an infinite source.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 8 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Peg, Thanks for visiting this little attempt at humor. I appreciate your visit. I guess some of us will row others will wade.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 8 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Svetlana, I read a story that said, Women you intended to join the women's march in Washington last week were turned back at the border. That is they were not allowed in this country. It is hard to tell what is true anymore, but the story had the ring of truth to it.

      I guess you are right, Russian Sayings are best left to Russians. I was surprised at all the different translations of a very short slogan.

    • PegCole17 profile image

      Peg Cole 8 months ago from Dallas, Texas

      You've really put a lot of work into this story, Mike. "We are now all in the same boat. So for better or worse we better row to get through the rapids." I'm still hopeful that we can all row in the same direction.

    • kallini2010 profile image

      kallini2010 8 months ago from Toronto, Canada

      So, I take it - stopping Canadians at the border is an alternative fact? Because it is beyond doubt that no one can stop Canadians neither at the border nor "at being as Canadian as possible under the circumstances".

      I find it funny - you quoting Russian wisdom - only I misread the the first time as "women fight - servants get beaten" - we usually say "panje" (as in Polish "pan") versus "barie".

      Very clever.

      Very alternative.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 8 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Paula - We are now all in the same boat. So for better or worse we better row to get through the rapids.

      And, 'Finally' I wrote something funny.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 8 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Ruby - You can bet there will soon be a Postage stamp with the presidents likeness. We have to admit it has been anything but dull.

      Stay tuned, Saturday's edition is written and waiting to publish.

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 8 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      LOL!! "oil derricks & tall buildings!!" Now THAT"s funny.....:) I actually wouldn't put that past him.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 8 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      As a man with a Jewish last name, I cannot concede a Muslim registry.

      As a man with three daughters, I cannot be led to believe, that a party that clings to 2,000 year old ideals, knows better what is good for my daughter’s physical health or their financial health than they know.

      As a man, who served his country and whose high school friends were killed by communist made weapons in the hands of North Vietnamese soldiers, that suddenly communist Russia needs to be our friends.

      So, thank you for loving me in spite of my many flaws.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 8 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Shy. I am glad you found this parody offering some humor. Humor is in such short supply. Funny you mention Boris and Natasha as I have thought of them often while pasting this satire together.

      All the Presidents decorate the Oval Office to their taste. I think we will see many changes under the current administration. There will likely be models of oil derricks and tall buildings.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 8 months ago from Southern Illinois

      I'm surprised he didn't put his picture up, you know, the one he paid $ 30.000 for at an auction. You can't make this up!!

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 8 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Mike....Hello sweet man. Allow me to borrow Maria's words? "You have a way of making any day into one big smile." Awww, Alas, I am not a day.

      Do you have any idea how it pains me to love you but not love Fauntleroy & Flossy? Please appreciate I am doing my best. And for this sacrifice, of course you will owe me!!!.....LOL....(keep a sense of humor~ above all)

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 8 months ago from Texas

      Brilliant addition to the series. "Maniacal laughter followed" with this in popped the image of Boris and Natasha, and everything becomes funnier when you are not allowed to laugh.

      I saw Fauntleroy showing shawn hannity around the oval office and he (faunt) had moved all the paintings around not in order of when they were President but in order of which he thought the least important.

      Blessings my dear friend

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 8 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna - He has complete disregard for the system he has been appointed to. The gag orders, the firings all show that. The executive orders shows that he thinks he is more than he is. Your assessment that he is not giving any thought to his actions is correct. And we all fall down.

      Notice there is less talk about Russia? The Russians likely told him to shut up.

      Democrats are too weak. (Generally) And Congress has shown no sign of backbone.

      His frustration may be his undoing.

    • profile image

      Genna East 8 months ago

      Hi Mike. Thank you. I do have hope -- hope in the American people. The fact that he only has a 36% approval rating after his first week in office gives us all hope. And the protests. The bullying, disingenuous business man has become the bullying, disingenuous leader, impatient with how Congress isn't some Board, sitting around a conference room, taking his executive orders to make things happen right away. His frustration will continue to mount. Have a great weekend.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 8 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna - You outline what is going on in Washington very nicely. There is reason for concern. There is also reason for hope. There are other men and women in Washington. Sooner or later many will realize the mistakes, or more likely, have to deal with the results of the mistakes being made. No power in America's history has been able to overcome our strength.

      2018 will become the most important election year in the history of the country. The balance of power needs to shift back toward the center.

      Thanks for your contributions to the discussions here. They are appreciated.

    • profile image

      Genna East 8 months ago

      I agree with the above comments. Things are pretty scary right now: Spending many billions on that god-awful wall that won't work; black ops sites; labeling NATO as "obsolete"; wanting an investigation into massive voter fraud that never happened; reestablishing water boarding and other forms of torture; alienating our allies; jeopardizing our national security; obsessing about the size of the crowds at his inauguration; evading/lying; and much more. The man is demonstrating the characteristics of a sociopath.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 8 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Bill - I cannot believe this is happening in America. A wall is a horrible message to the world. As far as the world leader is concerned, he has his agenda, and that life long agenda is money.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 8 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello bodylevive, Thank you. We certainly are on a roller coaster ride. All the more reason to keep our sense of humors exercised. All the more reason to help as many as you can register to vote as 2018 approaches and it would be possible to apply the breaks.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 8 months ago from Olympia, WA

      I watched "The Interview" last night, and I marvel at Trump's ability to keep his lips moving and yet never say a thing of substance. He never answers a direct question....am I the only one who notices that? Sigh...I'm sorry, I know, this isn't about Trump....my bad!

    • bodylevive profile image

      BODYLEVIVE 8 months ago from Alabama, USA

      You are right on key with this story. I enjoyed reading it and I also liked the humor. Our nation is on a roller coaster to destruction. All better have eyes to see and ears to hear and get as close to the Creator as possible.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 8 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Patty, I may just be lucky to know smart young people, but I do have confidence that intelligent people can figure out well thought out practices by which we can all thrive.

      I like all the different translations that seem to fit so well our present situation.

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 8 months ago from North America

      Mike, you encourage me with your reference to the youth fixing this mess; it gives me more hope. "We're not back in the 1950s, we're not back in the 1950s..."

      Those Russian phrases can be translated a lot of ways, so they're all good. The first word means "someone who talks too much" so that could be bigmouth, loudmouth, bullsh*tter, windbag, blowhard, braggart, motormouth. LOL It all seems to fit.

      Thanks for these Hubs.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 8 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello mar. Thanks for reminding me that this is satire, and parody and an attempt at humor. Otherwise, all my remaining gaskets would pop. (I have had enough problems with gaskets already. (ha)

      I was so happy to find the Gilligan's Island video to end with. Liar, liar indeed. I was happy with my parody, which is a rare event.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 8 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna – Thank you. I cannot type fast enough to cover the goings on in Washington. I think that is a deliberate strategy, reminiscent to the blitzkrieg of World War II era. It worked for a while, then the armies got bogged down.

      His freezing of the EPA is a blow that America is not going to recover from. No clean air and no clean water will be added to the rest of the garbage coming out of Moscow on the Potomac.

      The Secretary of Education could not utter the words, “I don’t think guns belong in schools.” That is where we are at.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 8 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Kaili Bisson. Thank you. I appreciate your complimentary comment.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 8 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Ruby – Don’t disengage, find your local pro Democrat office and volunteer to help out. We can fix this mess with voters.

      As for writing a series, I have been trying to get famous for years now. No fame yet, haha, of fortune, but have been honored with a handful of friends.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 8 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Martie – Impulsive is just the right word. There are games where the building blocks are stacked, and then one player at a time takes away a block. The one that tumbles the entire structure losses. I think Fauntleroy is going to tumble the entire structure and that might just may be his goal.

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 8 months ago from Jeffersonville PA

      "Fauntleroy mumbled, 'you idiots go away.' His Secretary of Education and his Secretary of Energy got up and left the meeting."

      So funny, fictitiously speaking, of course...great to see the Gilligan's Island girls strut their stuff.

      You have a way of turning any day into one big smile. Thanks, dear Mike.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 8 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Excellent, Mike! This is what Trump missed in his rambling rhetoric on the eve of his inauguration when he bragged that his incoming Cabinet has “by far the highest IQ of any Cabinet ever assembled.” It was a ridiculous, narcissistic claim, to say the least. What about George Washington's Cabinet? Trump has no sense of context, of history or perspective, nor the wisdom and grace we expect of the President of the United States. As we watch him sign quickie, executive orders and roll the dice in his new, Oval Office casino, memories of his past recklessness and failures immediately come to mind. He hasn't a clue as to the problematic ramifications of these decisions.

      Keep 'em coming, Mike, and thank you.

    • Kaili Bisson profile image

      Kaili Bisson 8 months ago from Canada

      Mike, I think this series is more important than ever. Please keep up the great, creative writing. I loved the Scrooge element.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 8 months ago from Southern Illinois

      I just read your comment about THEM wanting to deport the Obama family, and I'm all fired up. Forget about me being docile, I'm back!! Please don't stop writing this satire. I look forward to this series just as much as SNL, in fact, if they could only know about this, I'm sure they would use your ideas. Starting with EWC, I've always told you that you could write a series for TV, and I really do believe that. So keep writing and know that millions of us liberals are waiting for America to wake up..

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 8 months ago from South Africa

      From far away I can see the 'most powerful man on earth' is making a dash for the Gulf of Disaster. He is way too impulsive and eager to change everything he thought was wrong - without even investigate the reasons of previous decisions. He also has no idea what a democracy is. I wonder how well does he know the Constitution of the USA. Really, Mike, I am scared. Or perhaps it is time for America to fall? China is so ready to become the next leading empire. Let's pray :) "When all else fail, pray!"

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 8 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hi Ruby - The news is upsetting - he just threw out clean water and clean air. This is day four. I am not sure what to do about this series. It was supposed to offer humor, not horror.

      Yes, I do also hope the Obama's are enjoying some time to decompress after four years o hard work holding this mess of a country together.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 8 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Mike, this is a brilliant addition to this series that's so scary, yet funny. Bringing the past presidents into the satire was a bold choice to showcase the total difference between the past and now. A man leading in a position that is way over his empty head. I hope President Obama has tuned out any news and is having a fun filled vacation. With the new pipeline under way, I expect a total collapse of the earth. Perhaps that is how the end will come? But, not to worry, whatever happens will be controlled by God. So I've decided to stop worrying. I have stopped watching the news. I will get my fix by reading your Fauntleroy and Flossy updates. I hope you will continue writing until he really steps over the line and Washington regains their senses and admits they love the country more than power...Now to watch the video and enjoy the music. As Eric would say, " You done good man! "

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 8 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Patty. It seems there is more hate than I even realized. I see this morning a republican said, he wanted to deport President Obama and his family. We are further down the path to hatred and shame than I thought possible.

      I have to confess, I just looked up Russian slogans. Your translation fits perfectly well.

      The youth of this country are resilient. They will fix what is broken by this one term freak of nature..

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 8 months ago from North America

      This all makes me cry.

      We also translate the second Russian slogan as "The blabbermouth's language will not end in any good." -- Amen to that.