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Fauntleroy and Flossy – Were We That Way Once

Updated on March 16, 2017

The red phone was pressed to Fauntleroy’s ear. He made his meanest Billy-Goat-Gruff look. “Tell them, that Soonintheclinko will bring the payment. It will be a turnaround, he will have to be met at the airport. Code name, The World According to Garp, got that? Listen, we are going to pay with American Express prepaid cards. They are small and compact an easy to get on and off and airplane. Yes, the pages have been gutted with a five ton press and two-hundred thousand in prepaid cards will stack nicely inside a paperback cutout book. Tell that S.O.B., his electoral vote isn’t worth that much. I got way more than I needed. You tell him, you hear?”

Flossy walked into the royal room. “Darling, there are two dozen men in the lobby. They say they are the Smurfs you ordered. Do you know anything about Smurfs? They look sinister.”

“Yeah, thanks. Can you get Con con Conway up here? She will take care of the Smurfs.”

Con con Conway entered. Fauntleroy opened a safe and handed her sealed envelopes. “Make sure they get to Soonintheclinko before noon with the cards, make sure they know to buy them at different locations around town.”

“You should let me handle these trivial matters, my president.” Con con left the room.

The blue phone at the bank of phones rang. Fauntleroy picked it up, “Which loser am I talking to now?” He listened.

“Yes, I know, health care is hard to figure out. There are more fingers in the pie than there is pie. We are wondering why there is a health insurance industry. What do they add except to double the medical expenses?” Fauntleroy held the phone away from his ear as loud laughter erupted. The phone went dead.

Flossy asked, “Did you see that fake news? They are saying you are the leader of the Frosty-The-Snowmen-Party. Why would they say a thing like that, Darling? Sometimes, I just don’t understand you Americans. You never say what you actually mean. What do snowmen and your team have in common? Then I heard a commentator say that he thought Bush was the bottom of the barrel. Why would there be a bush in a barrel. If you only all spoke Russian, maybe I could understand this country.”

“We are looking into the very issue, Comrade Flossy. I have to go. We are asking for the greatest military buildup in history. The great war is coming, and we have to be ready.”

Three spit-shined Generals waited for him at the door. He was flanked on both sides and the Lt General had his back. Fauntleroy always seemed taller when flanked by his Generals. It was not the same when walking down the halls with his Russian leaning chief of staff or other staff members. The General to his right, said, “It was unfortunate to have Russian flags waving at CPAC.”

Fauntleroy glanced at him, “It’s not like, there are Russian flags flying anywhere that our followers would have ever seen. My followers are the backbone of the country, they work hard, play hard and drink hard. They are the citizens of the future. None of this sitting around crying about everything. Oh, I want clean water. Oh, I need clean air. Oh, I want safe cars. Oh, the list goes on and on. People, why does this country need all these people? Vladimir never has to put up with this.”

It was the Generals turn to glance at each other.

Disclaimer


This is a work of fiction. No fertilizer Kings were contacted in the production of this story. No multi-million dollar real estate/money laundering schemes were executed. No “thieves in law’ code were taken, to swear allegiance to the laws of criminal life, including supporting criminal ideals, and rejecting legitimate employment. No oaths to the cult of dark gaps in society were subscribed.

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    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 months ago from Southern Illinois

      I can't believe I'm sitting here crying like a baby after lol at the proud sponsors. Watching the video was such a pleasure. I miss them and their smiles. I watched Trump's address to congress last night and was surprised how much he toned down his attacks. It's like he's two people, Jekyll and Hyde comes to mind. I love the title, " Were we that way once? " Yes we were! Keep writing. We need to laugh....I wish Con Con could read this.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Ruby - Yes, the speech was toned down quite a bit. That is good and bad. I don't see it as a change of heart. I see it as more slight of hand. He played to his base. They all want big guns. They all want to beat their chest and howl at the moon. The tone ans scope, stayed inside the borders of crazy. I like it more when his and his administration show their true colors, which appear to be white, red, and blue as in the Russian flag.

      There was a terrible article about how 'bots' mined information from Facebook databases and targeted people based on the 'likes' they gave out. It is something refined in Russia and used against us in the finesse of advertising.

      I had a little fun making the video. I will have to make it disappear in short order though.

      Thanks for stopping by.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Why do you have to make it disappear? We need it to remember the good old days when we felt secure and happy that we had a family in the WH who were real and loved this nation, including all races, rich and poor. We had a tornado hit Crossville last night killing one man. It hit our gas supply station which is being repaired. It is not cold, thank goodness. I spent the morning picking up sticks. I spent a good portion of the night in the basement.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hi Ruby - I am glad you are OK. Good to have a basement, in times like that it is good to have a basement. Sorry that a citizen of your town was caught by the tornado and lost his life. Very sad.

      President Obama will go down in history as a statesmen. It has been a long time since this country had a statesmen. Plenty of presidents of all sizes and values. President Obama, to my way of thinking, kept us, the people, from suffering a decade long (or longer) great depression. A republican would have put us all out in the street. Plenty of people did end up in tent cities, but not all of us. He earned my respect. Unlike his predecessor or the current group.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 4 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      "Soonintheclinko; Smurfs; prepaid Amex cards; Con con Conway." Lol! Lots of funny goodies in this installment, Mike. The Congressional speech: In light of recent events, he would have been a monumental fool to attempt anything else less "Presidential" in tone and stick to the script. It was political theatre. I kept remembering the title to a David Niven book (one of my father's favorites): "Bring on the Empty Horses."

      Ruby, I'm glad to hear that you're safe! Tornadoes scare me so. I'd rather face a hurricane.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna. When I was investigation money laundering, for this serious series, I found that some of the players are actually called smurfs. Why, I have no idea. The speech was tempered, and on script. It was not unifying. Many people walked away with the, 'see, what's the problem' look on their faces. The problem, from my point of view, is that you cannot tell 40 million people you want clean air and clean water and quietly sign legislation that removes those very regulations. There is so much wrong with the administrations thinking, that even his party will have to stand up and take note. The inner circle needs to be shown the door, and then maybe he will pull the presidency out of the crash course that has been taken. In the mean time, the voting booth is our last best hope all over the country this anti-people party need to be shown the door.

      Oh, it is actually a funny series. Thanks for noticing soonintheclinko!

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Thanks Genna. They just came and lit my furnace and hot water heater. I've had a space heater going this afternoon. It's starting to turn cold again. I was lucky, it hit out in the country. It destroyed several homes. It hit a corn storage business, neighbors say corn is all over the highway. Please hurry up Spring!

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hi Ruby - We are all so glad that you are safe. I saw the news story and all the homes destroyed in IL. The weather patterns seem to have changed so much. I never considered tornadoes in IL or earthquakes in OK.

      Yes, hurry up spring, except I did yard work today. No longer my favorite thing.

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 4 months ago from Jeffersonville PA

      I also loved watching your video, Mike - hoping you don't get rid of it anytime soon.

      Thinking of you and sending hugs for a peaceful and warm night, dear Ruby - so glad you are safe.

      Hugs to all, mar

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello mar. Thank you. I thought the video was a smile maker for those, few, loyal, readers who stop by to listen to my rantings. Certain, unnamed family members no longer talks to me, because the conversation soon turns to the insanity of politics. They are among the, 'what's wrong' crowd. My blood pressure must spike when I here as a rebuttal, "Hillary would have started a war." Luckily the phone does not show my one finger salute.

      It is good to know that Ruby is safe.

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 4 months ago from North America

      Sleight of hand and Smurfs and Russians. I almost think that electing Charles Manson in 2020 would be an improvement, but I wish Michelle Obama runs with ...perhaps the outspoken Sharon Osbourne.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Patty - I think Michelle Obama could have done a great public service. Had she announced her run in 2016, half the stiff Republican party would have stroked out. There would have been a big boost in Obamacare as a bonus.

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 4 months ago from North America

      Right you are, Mike!

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 4 months ago from Texas

      Mike, this is great Billy-Goat-Gruff look I can see that look and know it well. Tone down his speech? He was just reading the teleprompter.

      I am so glad we have your series to ease the pain of what the idiot has to say and what he does.

      Blessings my friend.

      Dear Ruby, I am so glad you are okay.

      Blessings to you dear friend.

    • PegCole17 profile image

      Peg Cole 4 months ago from Dallas, Texas

      Another humorous adventure, Mike. I deleted another long-winded comment concerning the payment of $400 million dollars plus 1.3 billion dollars in interest paid to Iran on January 17th. I'm sure there were reasons for giving that money to our new "friends." To me, it seems politicians are all a bit shady. http://www.cbsnews.com/news/u-s-paid-1-3-billion-t...

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Shy - We have a president who is sad, he followed a president that was fundamentally happy. The difference is stark, and everyone that can notice, has noticed. The speech before congress was tempered, I was glad to see that, though I got a 'Three Faces of Eve' feeling.

      Thanks for stopping by to be cheered up by this ranting and raving.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hi Peg. This series is more about character of people, than politics. I am sure we can find common ground in that we all believe politics is a dirty game and no side can remain clean in a mud wrestling contest. If you wish to leave long comments here, feel free to do so. It is your right to be satisfied with the party in power. I appreciate your willingness to stop by and read this satire.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 4 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Hi Mike. I meant to type, "stick to the shtick," re the Congressional address but forgot. And the beat goes on re Russia and the "repeated contacts between the Trump campaign/associates and the Russians," which turned out to be true after all. So much for "fake news." I have to be honest, I was a little shocked re Sessions: He only made matters worse regarding his interview with Fox News. If I had been his attorney, I would never have allowed him to come out with what is known in legal circles as "the lawyer's dodge." Once again, we see how this administration pushes the envelope in terms of what is legal, but are so often entirely devoid of ethics. (I'll bet McMaster and Mattis are having trouble sleeping at night. I certainly would.)

      Hi Ruby. I'm pleased your power is back on, in full. It is pretty cold here as well, with temps to drop in the high teens over the weekend. I will welcome spring -- if only it could remain throughout summer and we could avoid the New England humidity of July and August.

      Happy weekend, everyone. :-)

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna - Sorry I am late. The fun never stops here in La La Land. (That is a bad joke.) I was a little hurt when I saw that Krushner also meet with the Russian Ambassador, I had hopes that he and his wife were not yet fully engulfed in the epidemic of malfeasance.

      Tillerson was told he could not appoint his own deputy, and now Mattis has hit that same road block. Sessions has as much as admitted wrong doing. I did not feel that the calls for his resignation would amount to anything. The Democrats really jump the gun on these issues. Bannon is hiding under a rock until it is safe to come out.

      The rhetoric of the investigations is not focused properly. I hear, Russians and the campaign, I want to hear Russian's business and Trump business - that is the story.

      Oh, and if you did not see the video - it is well worth the three minutes.

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 4 months ago from North America

      Did you all see the news that Sir Patrick Stewart has applied for US Citizenship in order to fight against Trump? This is going to be fun.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Patty - I missed that news, so thank yo for letting me know. Yes, we all have work to do. What we, as a nation, believe in seems to have been shifted by a machine. Time to shift the center of gravity back. It is a fight we will have to join one way or another.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 4 months ago from South Africa

      Money laundering is becoming the order of the day, while in the past it was apparently seen as 'investments'. Or what do I know? I only got hooked on news about a year ago... thanks, or due, to Trump.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Martie - It is likely that this is not going to end well for any of us. The National endowment for the arts was defunded. It is an action worthy of the Taliban.

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