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Fauntleroy and Flossy – “White Lies Matter”

Updated on February 2, 2017

Fauntleroy stared into his full length mirror. Over his shoulder he called to Flossy lying in her big brass bed. She was reading her instruction manual for her new robot, satellite transmitter. “Do you see how the people love me?” He glanced over his shoulder. “At my every word they gather in the streets waving signs with my name on them.”

His feet began to shuffle and he began to sing.


“Play Video”

Puss n Boots, The Princess singing I Feel Pretty

Robot turned its head toward Fauntleroy and began transmitting to satellite CPPP 495 Moscow. The video stream was broadcast throughout the provinces. Flossy brought the manual close to her face so she did not have to see Fauntleroy dancing.

“Did you hear about my new catch and release program?” Again he glanced over, unable to get her attention. “People are screaming in the street with joy as I keep my promises. I mean, I did tell the fools. Oh, buy me some Sharpies, will you.”

Flossy flipped the pages of the manual. “Robot, place Amazon order for Sharpies.”

An order was placed with Amazon, Ukraine.

“OK, honey, I have to go.” He skipped out humming, I Feel Pretty.

He was met in the hall by Connie. “Stop that,” she admonished.

“What is on the schedule this morning?”

“Oh, you are going to love it. You already announced that the Joint Chiefs of Staff, no longer have a seat at the table. You assigned that chair to that stone cold crazy guy.

Fauntleroy glanced over at Connie and made that face that expressed his stony resolve.

Flossy ran out of the residence, wearing her nightgown and called, “Darling, Amazon Ukraine only has red Sharpies. Is that alright?”

“No.” They kept walking down the hall.

Connie glanced over at him, wondering if she should tell him about the fax that came into the White House this morning. It was just a question, ‘How many people were in the streets during the French Revolution?’ She decided to let the Spice girl, Nonsense Secretary deal with it.

She continued, “We decided against loyalty oath registers, the time is not right my president. We are moving forward with only citizens can hold public office. And we are considering making workers pledge their allegiance to our party.” She paused, “We are drafting a memorandum to nationalize all enterprises. Except for yours of course, my president. And lastly for today, “An executive order that commands all editors and editorial employees of newspapers will be of the American race and our American party. Newspapers which violate our public interest are to be banned.” She paused again, “We are going to have a big week and more people than ever will be in the streets shouting tributes in your name, mein president.”

Fauntleroy smiled.

Disclaimer

The episodes of Fauntleroy and Flossy are fiction. No resemblance to alternative facts is rendered or intended. Reality checks must be suspended and left at the door. Otherwise, feelings of anxiety and stress may occur. Eruptive name calling has been known to occur after reading.

Fauntleroy and Flossy is not for everyone. Those experiencing feelings of absurdity, consult your copy of the constitution. Those feeling anger and disdain are invited not to read the ramblings of an imagination gone historical.

Registering your neighbors to vote may relieve feelings of helplessness.

No accuracy, is expressed or implied. Third party outrage, is that of the outraged, not the fictitious writer. Do not operate Uzi’s, AA1 SBR, AB-3, ADS Amphibious rifles, AK-9, AK-47, AK-74, AK 104, APS Underwater Rifles, Beretta ARX 160, or T91 Assault rifles within one hour of reading Fauntleroy and Flossy.

Materials are copyrighted and are protected by copyright laws worldwide. Any reproduction, reduction, or deduction, or express intent, this may not be modified, published, uploaded, posted, transmitted, or distributed in any way, without the advance fictitious writer’s written approval notarized by legal authority in neighboring corresponding States, Regions, or territories.


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Source

“Get used to it”

Shrek 2 - I Need A Hero

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    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 4 months ago from North America

      "When things go wrong, don't go with them." - Elvis Presley

      I'm not leaving the country, but I can stop watching the news - 'Cause there's little on the White House website besides Fauntleroy's picture. Your Disclaimers have become true works of art, by the way.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Patty. Elvis' quote sure seems fitting.

      Talking to people that do not seem to think anything is out of the normal range is quite disturbing. I am hearing, 'Why am I angry?' If they do not know, I do not really try and explain it to family members.

      Thanks, the Disclaimers are the best part.

      Have a beautiful day.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 4 months ago from Southern Illinois

      I have not talked to one person that is sorry they voted for this egocentric man, including my son. They want a closed society. No foreigners period. " Get used to it. " will never happen. I liked your " Mein president " and your disclaimer's. I actually lol and that's a good sign that I'm still alive after a week of seeing families torn apart. I am so ashamed of America right now, but I think they will come to their senses and Pence will be in the white house for four years. This is a great piece of satire. " I Feel Pretty " is perfect. Write on Mike!

    • Kaili Bisson profile image

      Kaili Bisson 4 months ago from Canada

      CPPP...love it! Glad to see you are still finding a creative way to deal with what you are feeling. Great satire as always Mike.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Ruby - Ashamed of America puts it very nicely. I am thinking of a rename America contest. It certainly is not the United States of America any longer.

      I am surprised more people are not angry at a Republican led Congress and Senate that think if the rules are not working in their favor, they will just change them to suit their needs. That is not representative of the people.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Kaili, nice to see you. CPPP, I had to go and look it up, but it does seem appropriate for the present group. There must be a new slogan forming, 'Beware of Communists in Christian clothing."

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 4 months ago from South Africa

      If you're going through hell, keep going - Winston Churchill

      Indeed!

      I'm sitting on the fence, shuddering with fear. The proof is going to be in the pudding, but I am afraid the oven might explode before the pudding is properly cooked.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 4 months ago from Queensland Australia

      What a wonderful satire this is, Mike. I have not read every episode unfortunately but I try when I can. It is worrying how close to the truth this could be though. I'm not happy with my own present government but would much rather be where I am right now.

      Love the disclaimer as always.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 4 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Lol. Bannon is definitely "stone cold crazy." And "Mein president" was one of my favorite lines.

      What a crazy several days it has been. Acting Atty. General Yates was fired for her "betrayal" when she refused to support and questioned the lawfulness and impartiality of Trump's now infamous ban for refugees and others from seven predominantly Muslim countries. I have no doubt that when she stated her reservations, she set her watch to a countdown in terms of how many hours would pass before she was fired. Yet during her confirmation hearing in 2015, she was asked if she could say no the President who appointed her. "You have to watch out because people will be asking you to do things and you need to say no. You think the attorney general has the responsibility to say no to the President if he asks for something that's improper?" The gentleman who posed that question was none other than Senator Jeff Sessions...Trump's nominee for Attorney General.

      I love your parodies, Mike...actually, they're not only the comic relief, they're relatively sane compared to what's been happening at the Whitehouse and in Congress these past 12 days. Thanks for the giggles. :-)

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Martie – The strategic advisor today said, “War with China within a couple of years is probable.” That is either rhetoric to scare us away from what is going on now, or an announcement of intent. In my view the oven has exploded.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello John – Around the globe the people are not happy with their conservative governments because they do not have the peoples interest on their agenda. The disclaimers are the best part, for sure.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      More than once in the short period the drunkards have been behind the wheel, they have announced that if things go there way everything is fine and working well. Yet if it goes against them they announce they are changing the rules. The rules only apply to Democrats, that will not stand.

      I think Sally Yates should announce her run for the U.S. Senate. Just to raise the blood pressure in the WH.

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 4 months ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Getting in from the psych unit... no silly, that's where I teach... :)

      If one of the patients said this, they would be labelled with delusions of grandeur and offered an antipsychotic - just sayin':

      "At my every word they gather in the streets waving signs with my name on them.”

      Have a peaceful evening. Hugs, mar

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 4 months ago from Nashville Tn.

      What a mess out country is in. You've managed to create a "happy break" though there's certainly nothing to laugh about lately. Thank you dear Mike.

      Hugs,

      Audrey

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 months ago from Olympia, WA

      I've known people who can lie as easily as you and I breathe. It's a bit disconcerting because they are so convincing.....and now my nation's leader does it....ergo, every day is disconcerting. :)

    • PegCole17 profile image

      Peg Cole 4 months ago from Dallas, Texas

      Mike, I love the song choices and your play on words is, as always, witty. Shrek has long been among my favorite watch-again movies.

      I deleted the long-winded remainder of my comment that reflects a different viewpoint. Clearly I'm in the minority here. I continue to respect your right to voice a different political opinion. God bless America, land that I love.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello mar - Are there some empty beds at the psych unit. Oh, better yet order some yellow tape with psych unit printed on it and will just string it around Washington D.C.

      I have considered getting poster board and tacking it to a stick and walking around the block with it. Of course there will be no message printed on it. Heck, that should confuse them.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Audrey - Good to see you. Shock News seems to be the order of the day. Funniest story I heard is that Fauntleroy's doctor prescribes Rogaine (sp) for hair growth. Why didn't I think of that?

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hi Bill - The politicians that have come on TV and said, "Two wrongs don't make a right," have provided the most amusement yesterday. Of course their party committed the 'first' wrong. The Supreme court seat should be left vacant. The American people have a better chance at equity with a court that comes to a draw at each and every vote.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Peg. You are not with the minority here of people who love their country. I know it is rough for you to stop by these little 'plays' of mine. You are always welcome. We are all Americans.

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 4 months ago from North America

      SlamYourWalletShut.Now -- I just read that Nordstrom's will no longer sell Ivanka Trump products, because of low sales figures recently.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 4 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      I so agree with the comments. What I find amazing is how people are describing Trump as "unpredictable." This guy is as predictable as the sunrise. Everything he's done thus far defines who he is...1, 2, 3, 4 -- right down the line. The only way in which he'll shift his MO, for want of a better term, is if his popularity numbers continue to sink. His pathological ego has to be viewed in a constant, positive and admiring limelight, which was part of the reason surrounding his victory tour. I think that the Milwaukee cancellation might be a beginning. Have a great weekend, everyone.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 4 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Oops -- I meant to add that aside from his conflict adrenaline rush, his pathological ego

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Patty - Well that is a start. If the people in this country don't stand up we will all be steamrolled by this group of declared pirates.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna - To date the administration has gone right down their checklist of what what promised. The alliance moves with Russia, to me is ominous. His mistreatment of long time allies is a clear warning to us all. I actually heard a senator misspeak about making our friends enemies. I tried to remember if he said it before the phone calls began.

      I heard that he met with Harley-Davidson, my news channel seemed to fail to mention the original meeting was canceled in Milwaukee. He win Wisconsin, now they are protesting. Wait until their healthcare system is damaged.

      I see his son-in-law may be on the outs already. My guess is reason has no room in the oval office.

      Thanks for your vigilance.

    • profile image

      Genna East 4 months ago

      Hi Mike. The trip to Milwaukee was cancelled as of two days ago; I don't what has happened since then, or if they decided to meet with him at the WH instead. Have a good weekend. :-)

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 4 months ago from North America

      Hi Mike! You bring to mind the Monty Python animation in which a bunch of retirees become pirates and take their former company building out to sea as a ship. I had visions of the White House on the Atlantic Ocean flying a skull and cross bones. lol

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Patty - Your vision is quite funny and inspiring as we laugh and cry about the Marauder Party now in control. Have a good weekend. Just finished your presentation about the American flag, which is timely and well worth people's time to read.

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 4 months ago from North America

      I needed a good laugh today! Thanks for the praise as well. Be blessed.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hi Genna - There is hope in the fact that 'public image' means so much to them. A 'Go Outside' movement would sure send a message.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 4 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Hi Mike

      His son in law...really? Oh my. If it hadn't been for Jared and Ivanka, Trump would have lost the election. Using social media via Facebook and Twitter feeds that focused on mining and using demographics -- especially in various electoral college pockets -- was Jared's brainchild, as opposed to using traditional media outlets and ads. He accomplished this with the help of a couple of his buddies from Silicon Valley. And both Jared and Ivanka talked Trump into choosing Pence as a running mate, as opposed to Christi, Newt, etc. I've heard that Jared has a hard time with Conway and Bannon, but that doesn't come as a surprise.

      Anywho, it's Super Bowl Sunday in a couple of days, where the NE Patriots will face Atlanta. Three guesses as to which team I'm rooting for. :-) :-)

      Patty, your image is a hoot! Thanks for the giggles. We sure need a sense of humor right now. I'm off to read your new hub.

      Happy weekend, everyone.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna - OK, I am convinced. Go NE Patriots. Hope your Super Bowl party offers much fun, food and laughter with good friends.

      I am pretty sure I saw that a power struggle was in process inside the inner circle and Jared was losing the battle. I did not know it was his activity that made such a big difference in winning. Social media is powerful. I would have guessed the demographic would have garnered a younger group of voters.

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 4 months ago from Texas

      I am so grateful that I can laugh ab out the state of our country through your writing, or else I would feel like crying.

      Yeah Bannon is one stone-cold SOB and I don't mean son of a bush.

      Blessings my friend.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Shy - We all have to laugh. We all have to organize to vote. 2018 looks like the most important election of our time.

      Good to see you. Thanks for the blessings

    • profile image

      Genna East 4 months ago

      Oops. I need to correct a mistake I made in my previous comment. (My apologies.) Jared gets along quite well with Bannon. It is Conway he has a problem with. By the way, just for giggles, Kushner's family’s flagship building address in New York City: 666 Fifth Avenue.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hi Genna - I just learned that Kushner's father is a convicted felon. Illegal campaign contributions and witness tampering. So, we are dealing with an all American family.

      The real lesson is that we should have all gone into real estate development.

      The address says it all.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 4 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Yup. The one involved in prosecuting the case against Jared's father, Charles -- and the one who negotiated a plea deal with him -- was US Attorney, Chris Christie. Small world.

      Happy Sunday.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 4 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna - Yes, it is a small world. The old adage that power corrupts holds true. Nixon hung out with known Mafia leaders. I think John Kennedy had run in with the Mafia via his brother Robert. The consolidation of power is a major theme in history. Putin is living proof. Bannon is living proof.

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