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Fauntleroy and Flossy – Cancel Our Order

Updated on December 12, 2016

Fauntleroy and Flossy are in the Royal Suite. “Did Symmetry bring that package I asked her to pick up.” He sniffed hard. “I need that package. Where has that girl been? Doesn’t she know how hard it is to be the most powerful man in the world?” He paced nervously. He had his hair dyed back to its pre-campaign color. In the privacy of the Royal Suite, he parted his hair down the middle and he looked like a frightening Ozzy Osbourne.

Flossy walked to her dresser and pulled a small envelope from the top drawer. “Here darling, I saved you a little in case Symmetry was stopped or delayed. I have not heard from her.” She put the envelope back into the dresser. “Darling, you must get ready. The line of people to see you extends all the way out onto Fifth Avenue. I can’t even get out to go shopping. I am going to need a personal shopper. See to it. Maybe, Rommel will take that job. I see him looking at me. How many wives do you think he has?”

Fauntleroy was not listening. His mind was elsewhere. His hit list was long, and he had only just begun getting back at those that had slighted him in any way. The word invasion, had been planted in his head. He tossed it in the air and caught it over and over – invasion, invasion, invasion. General Fauntleroy, he liked the Napoleonic ring about it.

Connie walked into the Royal Suite without knocking. “Take your pants off,” she announced to Fauntleroy. She proceeded to take her pants off. Flossy watched with interest. “I had this leather clarity alter made. When we wear it, you can stand facing forward and say whatever the hell that comes into your head. I will be strapped to you, standing at a far right angle to you, denying that you said it. It will save a lot of time that way.”

Connie waited for a response. When none came, she put her pants back on. “Use your head man.” She walked out of their quarters, buttoning her pants.

Fauntleroy looked at Flossy, “It was one damn phone call. Taiwan, Beijing; they are all Chinese to me.”

The Ballad Of John & Yoko (The Beatles Acoustic Cover)

While still in their quarters the red phone rang on the iPhone phone bank. “Yeah,” Fauntleroy said. “Wait, she’s standing right here. I’ll ask her.” He turned to Flossy, “What do you think about wearing a Bitsy bikini to the inauguration? You’d have a robe also with the name of a Wrestling Organization on the back. Like they did in Rocky 1. Remember?”

Fauntleroy spoke into the phone. “She is shaking her head no. What about Model T? She’s got a good figure. Better than her Mother’s. I mean I’d date her.” He put the phone down in the charger base. He turned back to Flossy, “Babe, she gave me six and a half million dollars. It’s not like the whole country has not seen you with your clothes off. Man, that got us a lot of votes.”

The blue phone rang. He listened. “Unions? There isn’t going to be a Union in this country in four years. We will break them. We will break labor. Money won!” He hung up. “Where is Symmetry? That girl! I need crystal clarity, to build my dream team.”

We who have been jury rigged, gerrymandered, Robo called, Russian Influenced, purged from voter registration rolls, and slapped with restrictive voter registration laws, experienced voter machine tampering, wish to cancel our order for the fictitious administration-elect.

Proud Sponsors

Fauntleroy and Flossy are brought to you by Book Readers of the Americas, The Freedom InSight Foundation, The Red State Sterilization Movement, UnPlannedDemocrates.net, FactsnotPhallics.org, Finger4Freedom, WeDon’tNeedNoStinkingBadges.org and other proud sponsors.

Disclaimer

This is fiction. No one dead is depicted. Any resemblance of a dead person or deceased persons or a heartless person or for that matter a living or resembling living persons is coincidental. No events or things that have happened or may happen or may not happen are portrayed. Historical events, yesterday’s news or tomorrows predictions are purely the imagination of the fictitious author, living in a fictitious country with fictitious values.

The Apple Corp., did not sanction the use of the word iPhone in the writing of this fake, unreal, story without a foundation. Any reproduction, transmission, or drive shaft, or any other shaft without the written consent of the litigious author is a colossal mistake as an unintended crash may result.

As a result of Fauntleroy and Flossy all Americans are now expected to work for less and pay more. Consult your financial advisor, spiritual healer, massage therapists, at the first sign of hunger. Connect to your true nature, seek your guiding force. Be one with your hunger.

If you are allergic to Fauntleroy and Flossy or any of the ingredients found in Fauntleroy and Flossy, stop reading and consult your alternative self-defeating, matrix vision.

Possible side effects streaming consciousness, challenges in concentration, inability to feel pleasure, tremors, decreased appetite, and craving of foreign travel and indecisiveness.

First Amendment: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances

Rodney Dangerfield Funniest Jokes Ever On The Johnny Carson Show 1983 online video cutter com

Remember when

Voting was legal

and Pot was illegal

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    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 9 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      "The right to chose,' has taken on a whole new meaning with this election. Between the voters, the media, and the Russians, the pot was stirred, but the meal was burnt.

      Rodney Dangerfield added just the right spice to this episode. Thanks for the visit.

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 9 months ago from Central Florida

      I for one, never placed this order and demand it be cancelled! We can do that, right?

      Gotta finish the Rodney Dangerfield video. The first joke (about smoking) had me in stitches!

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 9 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Audrey - Thank you for taking valuable time to read these indulgences into the comic circumstances which the country finds itself entirely engulfed. Many are in a state of disbelieve. I appreciate you coming by and leaving a supportive comment.

    • vocalcoach profile image

      Audrey Hunt 9 months ago from Nashville Tn.

      Mike, this is my second visit 'cause I like this very funny parody. With all that's going on in our country we need more laughter! I may be back again when I feel that I've 'had it" up to there. :)

      Love 'ya Mike

      Audrey

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 9 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Shy

      Sitt’n wondering if Blue will fight

      Or just give in to, Right is might

      Cronies arriving, their fists are tight

      Bringing again their Red menace plight

      .

      Fauntleroy played the rope a dope

      Can he keep his word, the answer’s nope

      Again, we wobble at the edge of a slope

      And the Blue team sits and moans and mopes

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 9 months ago from Texas

      Mike, Laughter is the music of the soul, and right now my soul is rocking and singing along.

      Connie with her pants in her hand

      Flossy afraid she will jump her bones

      Instead of her man

      Fauntleroy waiting for the can-a-bus

      Needing some to pump-up his lust

      Without the shi* he can't even assault

      His Roman hands are frozen in the air

      But, his Russian fingers are sure to be there

      Feeling anything covered with hair

      Symmetry! where are you,don't you care?

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 9 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Martie - Yes, there is a lot going on here in America and halls of government need a good cleaning. The Russian's seemed to have influenced America's recent election. Residing politicians seems to have known about it and did nothing - to me that is treason. They put their politics above all else. I don't know what to call it but it is not democracy. General workers will be hit hard. I am not sure a seven million taxpayer dollars credit and a seven hundred thousand dollar corporate payout is going to work at every plant in America.

      Now, 'science fiction comedy' may be a whole new genre.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 9 months ago from South Africa

      Oh dear, those proud sponsors! Hahaha!

      "... invasion, invasion, invasion...." have a Napoleonic ring about it. My goodness, it does, indeed.

      Really, Mike, I have to copy and paste this entire hub if I want to extract all the hilarious images and thoughts you create in my mind.

      No Unions for four years?

      What about the Russians' tampering with your votes? All of this sounds like happenings in a Science Fiction comedy.

      I love this series!

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 9 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello mar. Johnny Carson was such a beloved entertainer. I may have to steal from him more often to keep the stories light. I am wondering if Symmetry is up to the task.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 9 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna. I thought you might like the title. I could see how Nixon would not like a ‘rock group’ singing about peace, right in the middle of his war. Thank you for reminding me that these stories need to be funny, as, by nature, they could turn ugly. We are in uncharted water; it feels to me like a perfect storm. I just hope the citizens of this country are ready to weather the changes.

      As for the Electoral College, or a recount effort, well, I don’t think anything can change the course we have been put on.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 9 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Patty. Dr. Caligari’s Cabinet will likely look like a knitting circle compared to the Cabinet being assembled. The brain surgeon was brought in to show them where to cut. (Bad joke.) To your question, I respond, “Where have all the statesman gone?”

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 9 months ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Symmetry will need roller skates for Christmas to keep up with Fauntleroy, that's for sure.

      Saturday night smiles, thanks to you and Johnny Carson. Hugs, mar

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 9 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Lol. The second read the title, I smiled. And the smile soon turned to giggles. My goodness, Mike...with everything going on in recent news, you will have plenty of material to work with in the coming months, writing these funny parodies.

      I loooove that Lennon tune. Nixon's INS failed to have his Visa revoked. But he eventually got his green card years later. I guess "Give Peace a Chance," didn't go over too well with President Nixon as the Viet Nam war raged on.

      Dangerfield is very funny in that clip.

      I wonder, concerning our cyber-bully in chief...can the electors of the Electoral College say on Dec. 19th, "Cancel that order!"?

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 9 months ago from North America

      It seems our new Cabinet is made up of old generals and fast food dictators, except for one brain surgeon. It will rival Dr. Caligari's Cabinet. A White House full of morticians ...or corpses who won't lie down.

      Can't we clone Lincoln or Teddy Roosevelt or JFK?

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 9 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hi Ruby - Those few and far between times that I am feeling a bit gloomy, I head over to Johnny Carson clips on Youtube. That usully gets me back on track.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 9 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Mike, Dean Martin and Bo Hope are in the video, they are both loaded, it's hilarious. Thanks again...

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 9 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Ruby - Johnny Carson was the best. His timing was right on. He was quick to laugh, and hosted some of the funniest television ever recorded. Often, I would come home from swing shift and Johnny and his crew were waiting to entertain. As Reader's Digest used to advertise, Laughter is the Best Medicine.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 9 months ago from Southern Illinois

      I remember! I was already cracking up when I watched Rodney who always blew me away. I wonder what Johnny would say about Mr. Trump being our supposed elected president? I love your line, " It's all Chinese to me. " He has got to be the most unfit person ever, I mean EVER. Now I'm on my way up to watch and listen to the Beatles, plus I plan to stay awhile and watch the other videos of Johnny. Oh how I miss The Johnny Carson Show. You did good again my friend. We all need to laugh these days, or we'd be crying and screaming like babies...