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Fauntleroy and Flossy My Fellow Americans

Updated on December 28, 2016

Inauguration Speech 2017

“My fellow Americans and of course our guest residents. And I have been asked by the Border Patrol to play this song here.”

The Como Mamas - Meet Me At the River

My fellow Americans. You have heard me say, that we are 20 trillion dollars in debt. You and I know that we cannot keep going down this path without a catastrophe. We are going to make changes, and we are going to make them fast. The myth of the indispensable nation is over. All that shining city on the hill stuff is over with.

The National Parks are going to be sold; Yellowstone will soon be renamed Orangestone. Mt. Rushmore will be known as Stoneheads. And we sold exclusive photographic rights to TrampsPhotographicExperience. Every acre of government land will be auctioned off for cash. Oh, are we going to get a really good deal. I mean, with my experience, you know. All federal buildings are going to be sold to the highest bidder. If they are Arabians, Saudis or even Koreans so be it; whoever has the cash, gold, silver deposits or junk jewelry or oil leases or oil equipment. Our Secretary of Sate is in talks as we speak to trade Arkansas, for oil contracts in Eastern Europe. We have an offer for Wisconsin. Oh, those Canadians low balled us, boy, they are a cheap country.

If we cannot find a buyer for the White House, it will be turned into a for-profit museum of the American people’s past. It will be an epic American shrine that will be maintained by public donations and admission fees. The White House lawn will be mowed by volunteer children that are no longer required to attend school.

These actions will not make a dent in the debt problem. We will be recruiting volunteers to cut down the trees that stand in the way of our progress. You are going to need the wood to keep your homes warm. It will be another win-win deal. Energy prices are set to spiral upward, out of control, as we disband the useless department of energy. That is going to save the government so much, oh so much. That department, I mean, they are so low energy. They should not even be called what they are called.

Army recruiters are going to be stationed in every prison. Every case will be reviewed; all marijuana offenders will have a chance to enlist in the great Army of the Republic, at minimum wage, and sent to fight our enemies in foreign lands and settle domestic disputes. This two-pronged attack will save money at both the Federal and State level. As some of you know many of our pension funds are flat broke. As our promises are broken, many more police and armed military personnel will be needed to protect our property.

This great Nation will once again be respected throughout the world. Our prison population will be dramatically reduced. Federal and State prisons will be rebuilt, using prison labor, along our porous Southern Border. We will snag that Great Wall revenue from the Chinese, and return it to America where it belongs. The guards can then control the remaining prisoners, and the prisoners will be given special turret assignments to guard the border. We are in negotiations with Walmart to build facilities in between the prisons with rear entrances on Mexican property.

A new term will be introduced into the lexicon. ‘The Maximum Wage’ will be the law of the land. Seniority will no longer guarantee increases in salary each year. Americans must begin saving for their retirement years. The best financial minds have been brought here on my staff. Wall Street will lead the way in the New Republic. All your retirement accounts will be frozen and handed over to the honest, benevolent wizards of Wall Street.

Beginning immediately driver’s license fees will be raised to $500.00 per person. That is only $100.00 per year. Every American male citizen should be able to afford that. The license will also be your identification for all government purposes. It will be required at the Post Office, during its final days until closure. This new National Identity card must be shown as proof of your eligibility to vote. You will be required to show this identity paper to anyone in authority.

It has been determined, by use of super computers, that 80 percent of the public schools will be closed. This will cause a slight inconvenience to many who treat the school system as their own personal daycare. Our society will be better, I mean really good, the best, once the women are returned to their homes to raise their children. Besides, it is easy to raise a family; all my wives tell me that. And I have great kids, the greatest. I mean your kids are good too, but mine, Oh man, mine are just the best. So many new businesses will be able to open. Music lessons and Electronic Cash Register training will be big. Those children that elect to stay home, from lack of schools can tend lawns and maintain our neighborhoods. A good work ethic must be reestablished in this great land of ours.

This brings me to my promise of new jobs. With our guest residents expatriated to their homeland and the women again confined to the homes of their husbands this great, free enterprise society will again offer jobs to all the top male applicants.

With all corporate tax burden shifted to the people where it belongs, innovation and new opportunities will abound. As you can see from my actions, even as President-elect, I have not used public employees to handle my day to day business.

I have held many, many meetings at my private residence. So much nicer than the public places you used. So much nicer and cleaner. As such, I have not needed press coverage. My residence is private property, as such, I do not have to grant access. Those people will have to find their news elsewhere.

As with all changes, there may be mistakes made. Economic depressions may surprise us, as half the government is shifted to the private sector, or retired. My fellow Americans, in fifty years, this will be a shining new country on a hill. Those years may be trying times. I am sure we are strong enough to weather the storms and overcome all enemies foreign and domestic. My grandchildren will thank us for your sacrifice.

With these few minor changes to our society, we once again will be world leaders, along with our counterparts in the great country of Russia, as we embark on a new age of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Good night and God bless Americans, everyone.

First Amendment

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

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Disclaimer

This is a work of fiction. Nostradamus did not really predict anything. All characters are aberrations of the fictitious writer’s imagination. Past, present or future events are historical renderings of fictional occurrences. If you work for the government and are reading, or can read this, that means, I made it all up.

No pot smokers or stone heads were consulted in the cobbling of these fictitious predicted plans.

The people at the end of the lines during a bank run did not get their money.

If you are allergic to Fauntleroy and Flossy or any of the ingredients stop reading immediately and seek medical attention. If a rash occurs find a doctor while you have access to one. Otherwise a moss and tree bark potion may work until the application of science returns to civilization.

Lady Gaga - National Anthem - Super Bowl 2016 (HD 1080p) Full Video

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    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 2 months ago from North America

      On no. Ohio DID sell the Ohio Turnpike and now leases it, so some corporate entity is making big bucks there, so selling the National Parks could happen.

      Many of these predictions could come true in two-year's time. Let's see. I wonder if I can live on the Six Nations Reserve in Ontario?

      Thanks for the Lady Gaga clip, uplifting.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Well, now MAYBE my son will see the error of his vote, selling the state he loves so much.....I know this is pure fiction, but I'll be damned if I didn't get mad all over again!!! Lordy, this is good. I'm pretty sure you'll be called on to write his inauguration speech, he's so dumb he'll think it's good. lol. The video is loaded with great people, esp. Bill Maher, he's the only reason I pay for HBO. The Como Mamas were great! I'm on my way back up to watch the others. I wonder if you can tell that the laughter I receive from this series makes my day brighter??

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Patty - I just love that a government entity can collect taxes and build something like the Ohio Turnpike and then sell the item and charge the people yet again for its use. All perfectly legal, yet morally criminal.

      I am not sure where Six Nations Reserve in Ontario is located - but it would not hurt to investigate the chances of an invitation. Any place would be lucky to have you.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Ruby - The smart money goes on the fact that many people will be questioning their vote and for years to come. That is something that does not happen that often. The problem with this series, is that it does make us mad. For a humorous parody leaving the audience mad when done is a problem.

      There is no way I can keep up with the madness. The news comes so fast and furious. I will donate the writing of the Inauguration Speech, if he calls. Boy will the American public get an ear full.

      Thanks for staying with this. I am not sure how to proceed.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Just keep doing what you do best, making us laugh instead of crying.. The picture of the woman holding the flag says it all...

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 2 months ago from South Africa

      Really, Mike, you are born to write satire. I'm laughing my heart out! I'm actually so overwhelmed by all these ridiculous ideas, my hand is still covering my lips. I wonder why do we cover our mouth with our hand while listening to someone's crazy ideas? Closing only one school would be a terrible mistake. Rather build more! Thanks for making me laugh!

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Ruby - I am not funny, by reputation. ha Glad you find these fun to read. "We" are better off than the youth of this country. I feel bad for what is facing them.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Martie. I think covering our mouth has something to do with the devil. I guess, I'll go and do a bit of research. It is much better to laugh at times like these. We are faced with a dilemma without a solution. Things will unwind and reveal themselves to us in time. Thanks for the compliment.

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 2 months ago

      Mike, this Prophetic, this really scares me. You are awesome, but I hope mr. snatch and grab will be stopped before he can snatch everything from us.

      Blessings always

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 2 months ago from Olympia, WA

      I like the idea of selling the National Parks....something like Chase Manhattan Yellowstone....it has a nice ring to it and hey, we need the money, right? LOL The sad thing is, I know there are people in this country who think that would be a great idea.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Shy - the beautiful thing is that I am never right about anything. The team that has been assembled in Washington in my view are dismantlers. They are going to tear things down in the name of smaller government. Just keep in mind, they cannot tear us down.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Bill. How about Exxon Yellowstone, or Shell (Shale) Oil Rushmore. "Renovate America" should have been printed on the red hats. There are plenty of people who wanted change. Unfortunately change is also called unpredictable.

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 2 months ago

      Mike, you are right about your last statement, but how do we repair the damage that the incoming cabal plans to do? After they wrong the rights, how do we right the wrongs that they have done?

      I fear when the wrecking ball is through there will not be much left of me and you.

      Blessings always

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 2 months ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Oh my, I was laughing and shaking my head so hard yesterday (think, 'The Exorcist'...) that I failed to leave a comment.

      I came back to hear the Como Mamas again. Also love Lady Gaga's rendition of the National Anthem - as another set of lyrics go it 'gives me hope in a hopeless world'.

      Wonder if we'll hear bits of this fictional work on the 20th? More importantly, wonder if I'll be listening?

      I will always be back to check out your writing. Thanks for a year of literary twists and turns...the most exercise I've gotten in ages. Hugs, mar

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Shy - Let me respond with; Many cities in Europe were leveled by men wielding power during WWII. Those cities have all been rebuilt. There is a 'great reshaping' going on. All the promises that kept us all passive for decades are going to be broken. The limits will be tested. We just have to remain strong.

      The trouble with those stacking games, where one piece is removed at a time is that you never know which piece when moved topples the whole structure. The Team that has been pulled together seem more brutish than those that try to when with finesse.

      We have to view what is going to happen as am unnatural disaster. Once the storm passes, we always rebuild.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello mar- Thank you. So, now I am a personal trainer. (He says smiling, pressed against a heating pad.) The 20th is going to be an historic event. One which over half the population does not give a heck. One thing for sure, the results of this election will be with us for decades. I just hope the country survives the coming heart attack.

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 2 months ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Heating pad...did someone say 'nurse'...?! Hope you are feeling better on this eve of a new year, dear Mike.

      I know your muse is just fine...after reading "Debbie" on TCD series.

      Thanks for keeping my cortex and funny bone in such fine shape.

      Hugs and Happy New Year, mar

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello mar - Happy New Year. I don't know what I did, but that heating pad has been fully employed for a week now. The dogs are upset, that I am not walking them. The thought crossed my mind, that I should see a doctor. But I have had my fill of doctors. Approaching one full year without some medical procedure.

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 2 months ago

      Mike, Ruby, Patty, Martie, Bill and Maria, I love you guys and I wish you a Happy New Year.

      Many Blessings to you all.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Shy - Happy New Years, to you and yours. Thank you for the many blessing you delivered throughout the year.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 2 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Mike, please see a doctor if you need to. Since I downsized to this smaller house, I've met a dear friend, she lives in a house behind me. Her name is, GET this, Faris Scarlett. Of course my name was Farris for twenty years while married to my first husband Jack, the difference in the spelling, one s, and anyone who knows me, is aware that my favorite movie is Gone With The Wind that starred Scarlett O'hara, anyway, she broke a vertebra in her spine and had surgery. I've been giving her heparin injections in her tummy to thin her blood. She complained of a lot of pain and couldn't rise without assistance, instead of her getting better her pain increased. She went back to the doctor yesterday and had a MRI. They found she had another broken vertebra in her upper spine. They are going to do surgery on Monday. I always thought we were predestined to meet. What I'm trying to say is she refused to go back to the doctor until she had too. Say a prayer for her. We had a lot of plans to go shopping, maybe a cruise..

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Sending all best wishes for a speedy recover to your friend. Hoping you get to take that cruise soon. I do think all of us would guess, if asked, what your favorite movie is, Gone with the Wind.

      IF the condition persist for a few more days, I'll get a medical opinion. There has been daily improvements.

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 2 months ago from Central Florida

      You're scaring me, Mike. As I said before, all this fallderoll could very well become our reality!

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Sha - That is not what I want to do. Politics have now run amok and many things we were lead to believe are now under attack by those that took money and now that the bill is due. We all intuitively know that all the money has been spent. Now we will be faced with that old saying, 'hell to pay'

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