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Fauntleroy and Flossy – Obsession Politics

Updated on December 17, 2016

Flossy lay, lady, lay, across her big brass bed, while replacing her lithium battery in the KGB-designed stiletto knife handle. She watched Fauntleroy pace.

“Where is Model T? I have been busy. I received calls from both Ex-wives, their alimony checks have not arrived. She knows what savages those women can be. Can’t anyone in this country see to the details of running an organization?”

The red iPhone on the iPhone bank rang. Fauntleroy picked it up. “No, I already made 3.96 million on Boeing stock. Tell them I have the offer to pick up Osama bin Laden’s, low mileage plane from Pakistan Airlines. It even comes with a C.I.A. pilot. Don’t take any more calls from Boeing.”

Before he was able to put the phone down, it rang again. He answered. “Yes.” He listened for a minute. “Look, the Turkish government has silenced the independent media there. Why can’t we do that here? I am tired of all this scrutiny. We are going to have to plan a crackdown on our adversaries.” He listened again, “Yeah, what amendment is that? I’m not worried about that one, but the 2nd one, which is the one that pays the big bucks. By the way, how many of those are there?”

The stiletto knife, broadcast every word perfectly to the security van with the Russian Circus advertisement that kept circling 5th Avenue.

The white phone rang. Fauntleroy picked it up. “A Russian submarine? Off our coast? What on earth? Oh, wait, send a boat out to greet it. That must be my shipment of Russian beluga caviar for the inauguration.” He listened. “What do you mean banned? Oh, surely you know, that’s for the little people. Do I look like little people? Do you know who my guests are? They only accept the best. I ordered fifty cases. Bring them to the Tower.”

“Darling, you are late for your meeting,” Flossy told him. She closed the stiletto knife and slipped it back into her garter.

The men in the circus van pulled off Fifth Ave. “Перерыв на обед". (Break for lunch. Pronounced Pereryv na obed. Source: Google translate.)

On the way downstairs, the red phone in his right pocket rang. “Yes.” He listened. “Sudan conflict. Ethnic civil war. What exactly is that? Wait, what is in Sudan? Do they have oil? Just what do they have that is worth protecting? OK, get back to me when you know something.” He hung up, and thought, The people, what kind of an answer is that?

Fauntleroy entered the Map Room. When he saw Little PR, his face scrunched up. Agent Y concealed his amusement. Little PR looked at the table, and the Play Doh® pipeline is criss-crossing the world. Little PR noted the clay was starting to dry and there were visible cracks.

“You need to start talking up my, ‘Premium Support’ plan. I wanted to call it ‘Safety Support,’ but someone pointed out that sounds too much like what athletes wear. We are going to spring this trap shut on the people who believe they have earned their entitlements. And how do you like FauntleroyCare as a replacement for what is in place now? This is our country, not those people out there walking around on the streets.”

Fauntleroy, looking for Sudan in the map said, “Did you ever stop to think, that without Medicare money, the whole Health Insurance Industry collapses?” He waited for an answer.

“But we are going to give them a voucher. A voucher I say. Yes, more people will die. How is that our problem?” Little PR was not the gatekeeper for the people. “People are dying all over the globe. Are we going to pay for health care for all of them?” He laughed.

“The script is not yet written. You suffer from a crippled conscience and have placed your personal opportunism as your top priority. This meeting is over.” Fauntleroy smiled, as he found Sudan on the map. “Next.” No one responded. I have to call the Department of Environmental.

Fauntleroy skipped out of the room softly singing, “The Knights Before Christmas.”

Agent K followed.

Fauntleroy turned, “What’s plural for bats?” He paused, but did not wait for an answer, “Is it beets? We could be the Beetsmen. ♪Nana Nana NaNa Beetsmen. ♪ “We are going to bring obsession- politics to a whole new level. Gosh, I have the best words.”

He stopped in his tracks and turned to look at Agent K. “I just figured out your joke. I have agents M., O., N., K., E., and Y.”

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Disclaimer


This is a work of fiction. I think you can all agree on that. No one could behave as badly as Little PR, Banshee, or other fictitious characters that appear between the fictitious lines of this satire.

Reading may cause heartburn, mental health problems, strange dreams, election down syndrome, hot flashes and increased risk of cognitive awareness.

If you suffer continued confusion, increased poverty, agitation and hunger consult your family members that made this all possible. No worries, State-run television will soon be here to tell you what you are allowed to know.

By reading this, the user consents to school closures, denied access to medical attention, midnight behind closed doors votes, and blatant power grabs, at the discretion of the fictitious author, regarding fictitious characters in fictitious settings.

If you are allergic to Fauntleroy and Flossy or any of the ingredients found in Fauntleroy and Flossy, stop reading immediately and seek a support group that is right for you. There is hope.

This work is not intended as a substitute for the medical advice of physicians. Seek advice while it is still available.

Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

American Pie - Don McLean

If You Want To Sing Out, Sing Out

"They haven't played by the rules. And I know it's time they're going to start."

Until Next Time

"Americans will face consequences for criticizing Fauntleroy"

-Connie

© 2016 mckbirdbks

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    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 5 months ago from Olympia, WA

      Birthdays and holidays and shopping and trying to keep the critters alive in this cold weather...they are all transpiring against me and preventing me from reading all the hubs I follow...and it's all about me, Mike, as I'm sure anyone will tell you. LOL I love this series. Right now I'm too cold to properly appreciate it. :) Have a great weekend.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 5 months ago from Southern Illinois

      I'm listening to ' American Pie ' Boy did it bring back memories. This satire gets better with each scary episode. I love all the gadgets, especially the stiletto knife kept in her garter. I expect the crooked goons will start playing Russian roulette any day? Keep 'em coming. We freedom loving people need to laugh. I also think it's about time our government stands up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 5 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Bill - The unseasonable cold and rain is Not caused by climate change, as Fauntleroy said, 'nobody knows.' The critters might know as they are living it. You get them fed and somehow kept alive. Your fans will understand that life support comes first. Thanks for the visit this morning.

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 5 months ago from Texas

      Mike, I have the same problem as billybuc, but the critter is my hubby, he can no longer do the yard work so it is up to me.

      But I had to read this, it is so funny. Remind me to tell you the joke this reminds me of about a man whose flight was cancelled.

      On another note, Texas own Rick Perry chosen as Energy Sec.

      got to go, Hubby mowed down the septic system sprinkler and I have to replace it.

      Blessings my friend!

      P.S. I finally got my comment in before Ruby. Dang it she squeezed in between my words.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 5 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Good morning Ruby - I am just it is getting cold in IL as Christmas approaches. It is ironic that I chose 'American Pie' for this piece. Each scary episode is right. This series needs a few characters with a street side view of what is going on in the Royal Towers. We most certainly are going to need a sense of humor. As I said elsewhere - 'they' haven't done anything yet. And you heard it hear first, I have coined a new word, 'Tweetacracy'

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 5 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Shy - Sounds like that yard needs your attention. I do not envy you working out side in the cold. As for Rick Perry for Department of Energy, that is the department he could not remember the name of during a debate. He is likely in charge of dismantling the department.

      We shall see. Thanks for the blessings.

    • AudreyHowitt profile image

      Audrey Howitt 5 months ago from California

      Well this is timely--and a series? A win-win!

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 5 months ago from North America

      Ah, state-run television 24/7. "Max Headroom" is coming true.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 5 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      "The white phone rang. Fauntleroy picked it up. “A Russian submarine? Off our coast? What on earth? Oh, wait, send a boat out to greet it. That must be my shipment of Russian beluga caviar for the inauguration." Lol. "He stopped in his tracks and turned to look at Agent K. “I just figured out your joke. I have agents M., O., N., K., E., and Y.” More Lol. And the beat goes on... Kellyanne (Connie) Conway: "If you criticize Trump, expect to face consequences." Such antics deserve parodies such as this, at the very least. I mean, seriously -- do they ever hear themselves? McLean's song is perfect.

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 5 months ago from Jeffersonville PA

      "Flossy lay, lady, lay, across her big brass bed, while replacing her lithium battery in the KGB-designed stiletto knife handle. She watched Fauntleroy pace." That gal has her own skill set ~ a Dylan - style Saturday night special of sorts.

      Oh and Happy Saturday to you, dear Mike. Hugs, mar

    • Sunshine625 profile image

      Linda Bilyeu 5 months ago from Orlando, FL

      The music is a nice blast from the past! The story makes me proud to be your friend, such a wild imagination! :)

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 5 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Audrey – Yes, or maybe not timely, but a few months late. Oh, boy are we in for it. Thanks for the visit.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 5 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Patty – State-run television. I am guessing it will be broadcast in black and white. That will add to the realism. Thanks for the visit today. I guess we are all going to have to see how our fates will change.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 5 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna – Thanks. What I think is that they see the presidential win as a total victory for many failed ideas and policies that when instituted will be quite painful. My guess is some people begin to write parodies regarding their actions. No, they do not hear themselves. They are full of themselves. The McLean song is the highlight of this piece.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 5 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello mar – I am struggling with the Flossy character. She appears to intend to keep a low profile. She knows the joke is over. This is cramping her shopping. Two Saturdays this week, you would think I could get more done.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 5 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Linda, thank you. A wild imagination, you have that right.Hey, I should make up stories - oh, wait....

      Good to see you. I hope you are not suffering with those 70 degree days. :)

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 5 months ago from South Africa

      Oh my goodness, I am ROFL myself to tears. I hope you are exaggerating, Mike, because if this is Fauntleroy and Flossy in real life, I have to start saving in order to buy a submarine ticket.

      Oops, did I let the cat out of the bag? Ag, but you know, by now everybody knows about the submarine that drops little clairvoyants off your coasts. You better back up and hide all your emails - if you don't want the clairvoyants in your wi-fi.

      Really, this is too much. I can see seven Fauntleroys so clearly in my mind, pushing buttons.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 5 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      No one has confided in me Martie, but there is lots of evidence that this is a crime scene. The selection to head the department of education, does not believe in public education. The selection for the department of energy claimed he would close the department of energy if he were elected. The list goes on and on. They have been appointed to dismantle years of effort with building a civilization. Luckily, I just write fiction.

    • bravewarrior profile image

      Shauna L Bowling 5 months ago from Central Florida

      Agents M.O.N.K.E. and Y. Too Funny!

      I seems there's more to Flossy than Fauntleroy realizes. Will he figure it out?

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 5 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Sha. The Secret Service and agents M.O.N.K.E. and Y. will be replaced by agents perhaps of Putt-Baby's choosing.

      Fauntleroy is smart. He knows what he plans to do, it is the rest of us in the dark.

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